At times like these, I wish to have someone that I can talk to…over the phone. Talk like for hours or maybe a few minutes but feeling like we’re talking for so long, long enough to have my grouses spilled out, my dreams shared, my events pictured out, my life documented.
I don’t know when was the last time I ever did that. It’s that long, it’s so sad.
You will be reading very sad and emotional entries from me until I recover. There ain’t gonna be any significant recovery until I know what’s really wrong with me. I don’t normally show it in public. The most I appear quiet and cool but you have no idea how much is going through my mind. I may laugh for a while and I can still make others laugh and will continue to do so but at the end of the day, when I drive back home from work, I come back sighing? Then I look at the clock and see that I only have 2-3 hours before I need to sleep and the routine starts again tomorrow. When I’m alone in front of the computer, just me and my blog and no one else, I will peaceful..because then I start to talk in the form of writing.
I miss Pappy now that he’s flown back to KK for work. He annoys me on some occasions when he was here. He sometimes doesn’t realise he offended people with his words but because I love him and can understand his characteristics and behaviour, I forgive and love him and miss him all over again.
I’m going to miss Mummy too. I was hugging her tummy yesterday. She has decided to extend her stay until this weekend because I might need to get my tooth extraction this Saturday and she wants to see that I’m okay. I do not want her to worry and I will not force her to go back just because I think I will be okay. I put myself in her situation when one day I’m a mother and I want to love and care about my children…it would be sad if my children doesn’t allow me to love and care about them. I understand my mum needs to do something to feel contented. She’s going to cook up a storm in the kitchen before she leaves because she will forever think that I CAN NEVER COOK FOR MY LIFE. No matter how I dislike being regarded that way, I think I must accept that I indeed cannot cook as well yet, at least to my mum’s definition of “I Can Cook” and that my mum needs to do what she thinks she needs to do as a mum…..so I think I better shut up and be loved.
Dear Iris, I hope you get your visa soon. Otherwise, it’s fated that you have to come back to Malaysia and get stuck with me. Thank you for being my little sister.
Dear God, please give me the strength to get through this week.
Dear Ducky, I know I know…I’m coming. Let me brush my teeth, I’ll join you in bed soon. Remember to appear surprisingly delighted when I walk in to the bedroom later.