Just Not My Day

My face is just not the kind you’d like to see today. So gloomy, like people owe me money. LOTSA MONEY!

Was feeling so restless…things were not going my way, things that worked fine didn’t work fine since the beginning of the week. Small issue but then it still affects me. A few pending thing I need to work on. Those unnecessary things you got to do because of how a certain organization is structured. It is driving me crazy and it’s killing me slowly and silently inside. In spite of all that, I have to put on a happy face but today I just cannot and I’m not forcing myself so I allowed my face to look like however it wanted to look.

My ultimate goal today is just to come home and cook. I was feeling so cranky earlier, I was telling a friend I’ll be cooking fish but I’m not sure what I’ll do to the fish before cooking it. I told her I might punch the fish to make myself feel better. Anyway, I didn’t punch the fish, I just scaled it clean.

Menu of the day: Steamed fish and vege. Very simple only. Fish was not bad. Veggie was too soft, next time must not cook for too long so that it’s crunchy.

Washed the dishes. Washed a round of clothes. Ironed a few clothes. Very domestic day.

I’m feeling better than I did after coming home and I’m having my dose of Jay Chou now.

Received a letter that never fails to dampen my mood whenever I get it. It’s up to me to end it but I’m not doing anything to it. Always say wanna end it but never do anything because I’m scared.

My ultimate goal tomorrow is still to come home and cook. It really does make me feel better, especially when I try out new dishes no matter how simple they are. Since I’m not learning anything new at work, I might as well learn something new at home. I’m the kind of person when not given the chance to learn, will feel like it’s the end of the world. I must have something to learn everyday.

I’m scary when I’m in a situation like that. It may mean I need a change of environment, a boost or something, or it’s up to me to hype up things so that I could sustain and survive more happily.

I don’t know what I’m writing really. Very random and so very messy.

I think I’m expecting some kind of magic since my birthday is around the corner. I’m expecting myself to happy in the month of July because it’s supposedly MY MONTH. But I’m not feeling happy or whatsover and feeling quite the opposite, which makes me wonder what is wrong and so when I dwell further, I come up and lots of crappy justification and reasons.

Conclusion: I’m unhappy because of the fact that I unhappy.

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