Run, Bunny. Run!

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  • 9 to 12

    Pappy is here in KL.

    Pappy, Iris and I went to Bangsar, Seri Kembangan, Shah Alam, Bangsar, KL City, got lost, and then got home.

    We were out since 9 in the morning and only got home at 12 midnight.

    There is a lot of planning to be done now.

    “Bunny, I think it’s not a bad thing you resigned and I think it’s just the right time.”

    “Because I don’t know how to go to those places alone.”

    I don’t know how to go to those places alone too but when you are the elder one, you have got to take care of the smaller one.

  • Personal Assistant

    “Bunny, you are like my personal assistant.”

    “I am telling you my activities everyday so that you can plan.”

    I do not get paid being one but I’m happy.

    :d

  • Skirt

    “Bunny, I like to see you wear skirt.”

    “Because you are slim and you have a chicken butt!”

    “I’m wearing it because I’ve washed my jeans.”

    “Then you have to wash your jeans more often.”

  • Friday

    Walked out to have breakfast with Iris before driving her down to KL.

    I couldn’t finish my bowl of noodle, which I normally could.

    “Eh, are you going for the interview or me?” Iris asked, pointing to that bowl of mine.

    “Me. Heheheh.”

    I was just excited and worried because the sky grew gloomy and it looked like it was going to rain and I wanted us to be back to the house before it really rains. We were without an umbrella.
    I tembak my way to KL again taking another route this time because the route I took yesterday wasn’t exactly the right one. We managed to arrive with half an hour to spare.

    But what was really scary is the parking place looked abandoned. So we parked near the lift and stairs like whatever happens, we can just hop in and out of the car.

    The lift was not working. So we took the stairs. We tried another lift but it says “temporary shutdown” and I felt like it has been shut down temporary for so long. When we went up the stairs, it stank. When we finally got up to the ground level, we saw a rubbish dump just next to the staircase which explained the smell.

    And you know what? It was raining. Once we stepped out of the staircase, the wind was blowing the rain towards us and so both of us had to walk till we find the building. And so I was wondering if I have parked at the wrong parking place or they have designated parking lots for people going to different parts of that building. We were wet. My sandals was soaking wet. Lower part of my jeans too.

    “Grace, I’ve got no mood already. I’ll all wet.”

    “Never mind, we will be there soon.”

    We found the building but it took us 3 building lifts to finally get to the correct one.

    “I hate this place! Is this a maze or something?”

    “You better come back with an offer, okay?”

    I was the only one there who isn’t going to apply for a position to the university and was seated in between these two girls who apparently are top scorers when my sister was inside talking to the professor.

    Some chooses their choice of university based on ranking, status, location, tuition fees, accomodation and today I learnt that some chooses their choice of university depending on the grading system as to whether they are able to score. In this case, what matters to them most are the grades.

    I was trying very hard to concentrate on my Reader’s Digest which I brought along with me to kill time but what I did was stare at the same page, same line, same word and listening to their conversations. It’s hard to focus when you have two persons beside you striking a conversation with you in the middle who does not play a part in the conversation itself.

    Anyway, my sister came out, winking and raising her eye brow and with a little grin of hers. I knew she got it!

    After that, we went down and found our way back to the stinky staircase, except that it doesn’t smell so bad now. Made our way down to the staircase as fast as we could. Hopped into the car. Locked car in an instant. I cannot imagine myself or my sister coming here alone. Or maybe I’ve not seen enough places.

    ***

    Had dinner with an ex-colleague today. It’s nice to see her again even though it has only been one month or so since I last left that place.

    Sometimes I see her in me. The way she cannot stop talking about her job, work, the happenings at the workplace and I can so totally relate to her. So for a while there, I enjoyed listening to her. The systems, the procedures..it’s still in my head. She told me about things she learnt lately and so I learnt something too.

    “Grace, what happened to you?

    “Why you quit?”

    “Don’t you feel regret?”

    I shook my head.

    “Your parents okay with it?”

    “Yup.”

    “What if I’m going to be here forever? Maybe I’ll get to become a manager? But I don’t like to tell people I’m doing Customer Service. I want to do something else.”

    “But I feel happier after the transfer, I get to learn something new. I can feel the job satisfaction. But I don’t know how long I’m going to be happy. They asked me if I regretted leaving the call centre but I said no. Even though it’s greener there, I feel happier here. I have got no time to look at Jobstreet anymore. Last time, I used to browse through it a few times a day. Now I’m so busy. I’m eating breakfast while I read emails in the morning.”

    She got sick of answering calls too, just like me. And I know she has found job satisfaction and I’m happy for her too.

    “I don’t know if I ever get to do engineering again because I think it’s too late now. It’s been two years already. And the day I told my dad about it, he seemed okay. And I forgot to tell you that I broke up with my boyfriend.”

    That came as a shock. Cos it was a solid 6 years she had there.

    “Are you sad?”

    “Weekdays, I’m not but when it comes to weekend, I’m a little sad lor.”

    “What happened?”

    “I’m unhappy.”

    “When I told my mum about it, she cried. My dad thinks he’s got a valid reason now to be angry of him.”

    Funny ler cos sometimes I feel that most fathers don’t approve their daughters of their boyfriends. Happened to me before. And it has happened a few times that my dad is now blessing me to whoever I’m with. Maybe he’s immuned to it. Maybe he tries to be understanding. But one thing he’ll never fail to do is to tell that guy to take care of me.

    My dad, the protector. Me, his baby.

    After that, she sent me home like how she would when we were still colleagues.

    “If you are bored, you look for me okay?”

    She laughed.

  • Find the Way

    “Grace, what happened? YP told me you quit your job. You free tomorrow? Can have dinner together and gossip.”

    That’s my ex-colleague.

    Sometimes I don’t want to tell so many people of this story of mine. Resigned for what I thought was a better job but ended up resigning because what I thought was not what I thought. But it’s hard to keep it a secret when you are asked how you’re doing, how’s work and why are you online and why are you still online at 2am, 3am?

    I can only cover that far but the truth will always prevail and that one day someone will know about it too. Of course, if someone doesn’t ask me that question, I would not announce it so it’s only when I’m triggered that question that I’ll give them the answers.

    Life sometimes is about that isn’t it? Asking questions. Answering them. It’s easy to ask questions but the challenging part lies in answering them. And it’s about solving problems too. Big and small.

    So.., since I hate to lie and would not like to remember what I told who, unless I hate that person so much, I don’t want him/her to know any single thing about me then maybe. But so far, I’ve been telling others my current situation as it is.

    And when I told one of them a few days ago, the news spreaded fast. That is why I got the above SMS today. I was laughing when reading it.

    Are you afraid of what others think of you? Of the certain decisions you’ve made that you think wouldn’t make sense to others? I used to care about that a lot. Like how I must make sure when I’m in a relationship, it must be long and everlasting. For if it doesn’t last then I may be seen as incapable of loving someone or that I’m just not good enough.

    And when it comes to working, I used to want to work in a place for long. Because if I don’t, I may be seen as incapable of working and that I give up easily. But then I’ve learnt that when things don’t go the way you expect it to be, it’s not always or solely about your fault. What matters most is you know you’ve tried your best. That itself is enough to answer any doubts within you.

    I’ve learnt to listen to the inner voice than to think of what other would think. Because if I were to listen to what others would think, I don’t think I would be able to satisfy everyone and do something in which most will agree with. And even if I did, it is them I have please but not myself. It’s easier said than done because I’m the kind of person who cares a lot about what others think. I really do. And I’m learning not to care so much.

    I have difficulties of letting go. I always try to my maximum possible before I let go. I would try to love until it pains so much till I find no space in my heart to continue. And if once I’ve decided to let go, there’s no turning back. No matter what you may say. You can call me stubborn. So, I would never go back to unfold a relationship that has ended in the past despite how tempting it is.

    One must look forward. And if the past is too poignant to let go off, reminiscing is fine. A closed chapter will remain a closed chapter.

    I don’t know how to continue writing this because ilhamku dah melayang tiba-tiba. So, we’ll talk about something else.

    I’m going to accompany Iris for an interview tomorrow. For a university. She’s going to give her shot in this and stand a chance to be offered a place. I’ll be there too for that extra boost and support. Wish her luck, okay?/

    Which was why we drove to KL City today in search for that building so that we know how to get there tomorrow. I am not confident driving around the city because I’m not familiar with the roads there. And I just simply drove there to find the way. And we managed to find it. “Find The Way” is a song by Mika Nakashima. (Tengok sebelah atas, sebelah kanan, tekan play). A song I know some time ago but today I thought about it again after watching Nana, starring Mika itself. A Japanese movie. I like.

    Good night.

    Hope you get to find your way too.

  • Happiness Is …#20

    …Reading this email.

    U tak nak kerja kat sini lagi ke?Ramai yang nak u kerja sini tau. Balik la kerja sini.Kesian saya sorang-sorang je. Nanti kalau u nak pergi UK bagi tau saya tau. Ingat tau,kalau u tak dapat kerja lain,u kerja kat sini. Semua orang cakap u orang yang bagus semasa bekerja.

    🙂

  • A Moment to Remember

    Went to watch a movie with Darling Iris today. I’m spending most of my time with her now because next month onwards, I won’t be coming home with a sister to greet me. She’ll be in UK studying very hard to become a successful lawyer. My sister is smart, smarter than me. She’s brave too. Unlike me.

    Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m unemployed for now, I get to spend time with her. I mean I only have one sister. Who else do I love, if not her?

    The name of the movie is the same as the title of this blog entry.

    The actress is very pretty. The actor kills too. He’s not really the very very handsome kind of man but there’s something about his looks combined with his character that makes him handsome. I like him. At least to my definition.

    Love story. Korean. I like. Didn’t get to cry though because I wasn’t emotional enough today. I can cry to scenes that are not sad but relates well with me of my certain past or experiences. And also to sad scenes that I have not experienced but able to imagine how sad the sad can be when experiencing it.

    The other girls the same row as us did cry. They were laughing at themselves for crying.

    And after watching the movie, the title to it just feels so right. Perfectly named.

    Now, I’m going to write where my mind takes me too. So it’s going to be some random thoughts.

    The mosquitoes like me. No, they don’t like me. They love me. So very much. Tomorrow, I’m going to get myself a Ridsect because what’s left now is the Roach Killer.

    When you are not working, things break down because they know you have the time to fix it. My toilet light is not working. Two gentlemen have helped me with the fluorescent tube but it ain’t moving an inch from its current position. Darling Iris and I have tried taking it down before we called for help so looks like I’ve got to call Mr.Electrician over again. Which only means wallet will bleed a little bit more in exchange of “the light”.

    Wallet, just hang on there till I get a job okay? I promise you I’ll fill you with so much love, you’ll be so touched.

    My ATM card wasn’t working due to pin error. Some banks just don’t like some banks. So my card was the victim. Actually I also don’t know why there was a pin error. I’ve been using the same pin code and there has never been an error. When the system prompt me for a second input, I pressed every single number so carefully but still it was the wrong one.

    So called 03-20703333 for help. She sounded nice on the phone and I hope I did sound nice too when I was in a position like hers during my tenure in a call centre. And now my ATM card is alive again. Oh well, maybe it’s just a sign that I should watch my wallet.

    She then asked me to register for phone banking. I asked her how. I’m going to listen to her this time and I’m going to register for phone banking. It’s something new for me to learn and experience anyway. And I’m doing it because when I used to tell my customers to do things that will do them good or ease their lives, they just wouldn’t want to listen to me. And it’s not a nice feeling you know?

    And ohh…I did call up another bank too and spoke to another nice lady. The arrival of my new credit card has been delayed long time, you see? And she said it’ll take 7 working days after she takes down this request of mine. To me delight, it arrived the next morning when I was still sleeping soundly. But Mr.Credit Card, I won’t be able to swipe you yet. Wait till I get a job first. Or maybe I should say my paycheque for 2 working days in June and for July.

    Yes, I’ve never been delayed payment of salary for that long. But I will wait.

    I’m always asked this question, “Have you found a job?” or “How’s your job-hunting?”

    As much as I would love to answer you, sometimes I feel one kind when being asked that question. I think it’s because I don’t like the idea of me without a job. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do, to have a job. When you don’t have one, it’s like either something is wrong with you or there’s something wrong with you. And it’s abnormal to not have a job. It’s okay if you’re single but not when you don’t have a job. And I’m single and jobless. woo hoo hoo. Let’s just say, I’m taking a break for a longer, tougher journey ahead.
    But then why do we want to care about whether not having a job feels so wrong, isn’t it? I would like to work, it’s just that I am still not employed yet. At least, I will not go out to the streets to snatch people’s bag and subsequently slash them out of life. Okay, which now reminds me of something someone said to me this morning, “Grace, I think you should be a politician because you can influence people and you touch people’s lives. You should do something for the safety of the community now. More so, you’re jobless.”

    Thank you, my friend. But Grace is no politician. And I’m sure you were just kidding.

    I sometimes don’t feel safe walking on the streets. Whenever I hear the sound of a motorbike, my heart shrinks. I’m scared because I was once mugged by a motorcylist and so I am very sensitive to the sound of a motorbike. But maybe I should thank him for not taking away my life. Just that my sense of security is not the same as it used to be anymore.

    An ex-colleague MSN-ed me today asking for help. Some questions about Microsoft Excel, about a document in which I updated with auto-filter. This is something I learnt from my first boss which I’m applying in my 2nd job. And now that I’m gone, fellow ex-colleague doesn’t know what I did to the document. So I taught her and I like to share my knowledge if I know the subject to it.

    But one thing I must confess, that I still miss my first company. It’s like my first love. So unforgettable. I sometimes talk about it with so much pride and happiness you know? Even though it’s all over now.

    I’m still in contact with my then toilet buddy. She will either email or SMS me. The 18 year old girl who has just been transferred to the counter. She tells me of her stories so sometimes I feel like I’m still there. She always says she misses me and will always tell me, “Grace, you balik kerja sini lah. Saya rindu kamu. Saya takde kawan di sini.”

    It’s 3 am. Which means I should be asleep 3 hours ago.

    Cows don’t lie. Yes, Tim, you are a good leader.

    Sweet dreams.

  • If You Think…

    If you think you are beaten, you are,

    If you think you dare not, you don’t.

    If you like to win, but you think you can’t,

    It is almost certain you won’t.

    If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost

    For out of the world we find,

    Success begins with a person’s will –

    It’s all in the state of mind.

    If you think you are outclassed, you are,

    You’ve got to think high to rise.

    You’ve got to be sure of yourself before

    You can ever win a prize.

    Life’s battles don’t always go

    To the stronger or faster man

    But soon or late the one who wins

    Is the one WHO THINKS HE CAN!

    -Think and Grow Rich