Blog

I’ve been wanting to write for so many days. Write as in write whatever that I’m feeling or thinking but what I’m going to write isn’t really what I really like to write about. So, I’ve tried to refrain from typing it when the anger and sadness consumed me. But I guess I need to jot this down, acknowledge what’s really happening and then move on.

For the last two days, I wasn’t really having a good time with Mum. Well, you could say it’s more than just the past two days because sometimes when she starts with her whole nagging thing, I’ll turn sulky, moody and at times with tears streaming down my cheeks when she’s asleep and I’m alone.

She called me stupid two nights ago and I was sad and angry. I never like the word “stupid” to be thrown at my face and certainly not from my mum. I think the word “stupid” is very damaging even though the other party that utters it may think it’s not much of a big deal to say that word to someone.

Usually, I’ll just listen and absorb everything that my mum says. But that night I just couldn’t remain calm. I talked back. Of course, mum always would find the last word to say, even if it means giving me lame excuses. And because I didn’t want it to continue and become a never-ending argument, I let her have her say and many last say even though I wasn’t agreeing to what she said.

The next morning, just after I woke up, after brushing my teeth and all, I went back to the room to continue with my daily facial ritual. Then Mum shouted my name and I asked her what it is. She never replied what she wanted…but when I came out of the room seconds later, she was starting to lose her temper, asking me why I’m not in the kitchen, drinking the drink she’s made for me.

Hello? Am I supposed to read her mind by just her calling my name?

And with that, I talked back again asking her what’s wrong with her, making such a big fuss early in the morning.

Of course, she didn’t like it and she started her lecture thingy again, saying things like I don’t appreciate the things that she does for me.

Sometimes I find it so hard to talk to mum because sometimes it just seems that she’ll never understand. Sometimes I don’t think it’s too hard to understand what I would want her to know, how I feel and what I think. I think it’s just plain ignorance from her side where she think she’s always right and I’m always wrong. And why I say it’s so hard to talk to her is because she already has this set mindset and she’s not going to change the mindset or at least listen to what I’ve got to say and try to understand how I feel. So, sometimes I choose not to tell her things that matter a lot to me because I know there’s going to be a clash of opinions.

I wish so much that I could tell mum how much I like this guy but I can’t do that yet. Not now and I’m not sure if there’s going to be a time when I can tell her that and she would be really happy for me. Breaking the news to my parents about a guy in my life has always been a very scary and stressful thing for me. My dad wouldn’t really comment much and I think he’s a lot more understanding than mum. My mum, she thinks a lot. If she spots one thing that she doesn’t like about the guy I like, she’s going to take that little flaw and remind me of it everytime. That isn’t very enjoyable. I don’t know what’s her point of reminding of the things she’s not pleased with someone, things which I’m actually okay with. It’s not like he’s a criminal, takes drugs and kills people.

In one way or another, I’ve always felt that I’m never really going to please my mum because I’m never going to find a perfect guy to her definition. And if you’d feel like knocking my head, I feel that my mum is going to find a flaw in a perfect guy anyway…which is why I said now..I wouldn’t tell mum lots of stuff. Sometimes, I just keep them to myself.

Things are a little better today. Knowing that I could have another row with my mum again because that’s just part and parcel of life, I’m just trying to forget about it now.

Things that I did with my mum today: Watched Astro Sports to see Lee Chong Wei playing against Taufik Hidayat at the Japan Open. Had fish slice noodles at SS20 (It is very nice!). Went to the pasar malam. Went to the park to jog. Washed the car. Had dinner.

And now, I want to continue reading “I Am Muslim” by Dina Zaman. It is a very interesting book.

Today is the day Sabah, Sarawak and Singapore formed the federation of Malaya.

I love this Petronas ad a lot! It’s so cute. Just look at Tan Hong Ming’s expression. I’ve seen this twice on television and just can’t get enough of it.

Click to view.

Enjoy!

I was typing and suddenly there was an error page once I clicked ‘Save’. I cannot retrieve what I just typed. Hate it when it happens.

Looks like there’s no story tonight.

Dear Ducky,

I have no inspiration lately to add entries into this blog of mine. I will be sitting in front of the computer and thinking of what interesting happened but I just can’t think of anything. What I can think of is nothing. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.

Last night, I missed someone so much that I actually cried. I haven’t been seeing him for about 2 weeks now. The last time I didn’t see him for a month! (Can you believe that?) He’s very tied up with work that by the time he reaches home, he just wants to sleep and rest. Something which I hope he does but deep down wished there was just a little spare time that I could see and meet him.

So you see, when the feelings accumulate, they have nowhere to go but form into tears. I felt much better after crying and while I was doing the teary task, a friend was listening to me over the phone. Though it might not change anything overnight, at least it is keeping me sane.

I’ve enjoyed your accompany. I know I’ve said it for a thousand times but I want to tell you again, plus we don’t really get bored about receiving compliments, do we? Bebeki is an equally good companion as well and I hope you don’t feel jealous that you’ve got to share the bed with not only me but with Bebeki as well. She looks cute when she sits. You look cute when you prowl. She looks retarded when she prowls. You look retarded when you sit. So, God is fair.

I heard the acoustic version of Rihanna’s “Umbrella” sung by Marie Digby the day before and I thought it was very good. I chanced upon it while I was driving to work. It’s the song that goes…

(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

Not knowing who sung it, I waited until the song ended and for the deejay to give a brief explanation and commentary to the song. Once I got to the office, I went searching for it in the Internet and I found the link in YouTube. I think she looks pretty too. She is of Japanese and Irish American parentage.

Enough for the day, I’ll see you in bed in 10 minutes time, after I wash up and all.

Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella