CNY Day 13: Mixed Feelings

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know it’s supposed to be “distance” instead of “absence” but in my case, it’s the latter.

The grudge I had with the colleague has subsided a little. We are talking now. Suddenly, she’s nicer. I don’t know how long it would last but I don’t need it to be super good. If it were to remain as it is now, I am contented.

Apparently, I missed out on lots of things while I was on leave. Work wise. I’m going to be part of a new team soon and I must say they look like a great team to work with. All new and raw. Learning as we are thrown into our job. That’s how I see how it’s going to be.

They had training sessions already which I didn’t have since I were away but Mr.Boss mentioned that he is very confident that I’ll be able to catch up very fast. I hope so. At times I wonder where in the world would I get to work with a boss like him. And I’ve said this for the thousandth times.

So, when we were having a discussion just now, you have no idea how mixed my feelings were. I should be really excited and looking forward to this new team but at the same time, I was thinking of leaving and wondering how to leave because after the discussion today, it just seemed a little harder to leave right now.

Would you stay for the benefit of the company? Or pursue something else for the benefit of your own?

I asked Iris the same question last night and she said, “Will the company think of you even if you stayed a little longer?”

“Even if you leave later, what’s the point? They would have trained you by then and then you’re leaving. Better to leave earlier so that they can get another person in.”

She raised a few good points there but I’m still so undecided. I believe I would know what decision to make once I have a new job offer because then my reasons would sound more valid. I was worrying how to have that phone interview next Tuesday because I would need to send my colleagues home and they can’t be waiting for me and I couldn’t possibly tell them I’ve got an interview.

Things turned out to be in order today. One had to travel to another state. One had some programme to attend so I am free to do what I want on that day. All I need to do is find a place and settle down and wait for the call.

I went to the gym today after work, after such a long break. My legs are aching right now. Went to watch “Prime” too.

After the movie, I returned call to Pappy who earlier called me when I was in the cinema. While I was talking to him, Mr.Boyfriend’s car was playing Ken Hirai’s song. I talked to Pappy and he kept asking how was my day, how am I, trying to squeeze out as many stories he can from me.

After hanging up, drops of tears came streaming my face. I don’t know why that happened but I just felt like I missed Pappy so much for a moment there. Ken Hirai’s song strengthened the emotions inside me with his soulful voice.

Sleep tight, you.


  • piggy says:

    I agreed with what Iris said. Even if you stayed a little longer, would the company still think of you or give you a better offer to stay? Sometimes, we have to be slightly selfish and pursue something for our own benefits.

    Things might seem slightly better after such a long break. But stop for a moment and think – would things continue to get better or would it continue to make your life miserable?

  • Grace says:

    piggy: Things may or may not get better. It would be a bonus if I go through the day without much heartache but overall, I guess I’m still going to be a little more miserable because my heart is frantically and desperately looking for someplace better.

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