I ought to be sleeping…but I’m so tired, my eyes are shut but I can’t sleep. Didn’t sleep well on Saturday night…or you could say I didn’t sleep at all, combating with bloody mosquitoes, hot weather, and sleeping on a bed which I’m not familiar with. The next day, I was walking under the hot sun and came home with red patches over my body. Went to work today with a very heavy head…the kind that I have to sit very still so that it does not ache because when I bend down, the head hurts. Came home and body is a bit feverish and head is still heavy. Downed a glass of herbal tea and now typing from the bedroom.

Was browsing through blogs from my Google Reader and chanced upon an entry from a favourite photographer of mine (I’ve always dreamed that I can have him as my photographer one day) portraying a couple whom my mum was talking about just yesterday how lovely they are together. The wedding is so beautiful I can’t even describe. Love stories like these always melt my heart.

Anyway, I don’t know when I’ll get married, let alone meet a guy. A friend is being very “helpful” in wanting to help me. Another friend says he’ll be my acting boyfriend till I get someone. And then there’s also this someone who would ask me what time I’ll be leaving and we’ll go down the lift together. It’s just that there is no spark so I don’t know what it is. Then, there’s this someone who asked if I have a DVD player because he would like to lend to me some DVDs. I don’t want to be overly sensitive to think that someone likes me just because he lends me some DVDs out of the blue. Sometimes I don’t know what it is anymore if you get what I mean. So what do I do? I wait and see.

Because I’m afraid. I absolutely know how it feels like to think someone likes you only to find out he doesn’t. He can be so nice to you, he can be doing things so detailed you’d think he’ll only do if you were special to him and only to find out in the end, he’s just not that into you…and you’ll go wondering why in the world people act extremely nice sometimes to give you the wrong idea. I told you I’m afraid and very confused.

Need to try to get some sleep now.

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