A Little Towards the Down

It didn’t turn out quite like what I’ve expected but it’s ok. I believe there’s a reason for it. Moody stories for another day.

I love my pappy. He just seemed so loveable on the phone today. He called to ask me what I have in plan for my birthday. Not wanting him to worry, I told him my friends will be celebrating with me. Maybe not exactly on my birthday but within this month since there will be a rally on the streets of KL that day (the last I read, it’s going to be held in a stadium?)

I told him my sister is here with me so there’s no need to feel that he has to be here. He didn’t say it but I know he sounded like he’s sorry he couldn’t be here with me on my birthday.

I can’t help it but I’m tearing a little now. *sniff sniff*

I’m not looking forward to my birthday this year. Not because I hate to be one year older but the end of June has been so erratic that it has spilled over to July and the way I see it, it’s going to continue. It is so hard to force myself to be happy as of now.

I’m not sad but I’m troubled, which of course makes me look sad now. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, and my head gets so tired, I’d just come home and nap on the sofa because it just feels that I can’t go on thinking anymore. I just need the world to stop operating for a while and that’s when the sleep would allow me to have some peace. Even just for 20 minutes though I know that wouldn’t erase what’s going to happen.

A friend asked me what I want as a birthday gift. I said I don’t need anything. In fact, don’t get me anything, just spend time with me.

Perhaps a hug to tell me everything’s gonna be alright. The last time I got a hug was so long ago, I don’t remember having one.

I may wake up tomorrow laughing what I’ve just written tonight…because it’s still a moody story.

The tears are running dry now. You may go to bed. Pick yourself up again tomorrow and the universe will help you.

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