Category: Life

I sat beside a colleague today who taught me about import shipments. I was also there to answer calls for import for the first time. It has to be put on speaker mode since I’m new and she would be able to guide me on how to answer the customers when I didn’t know what to say. So, I had to speak louder than usual and it all went quite smoothly. I must say my colleague is a really good teacher.

After work, I walked swiftly to the shopping mall, ordered myself a teh tarik at the bookstore and waited for the phone interview, which was scheduled to be at 6pm.

I waited for 20 minutes but no one called me.

I then called my friend who referred me to the company to check whether the person in charge was still there.

Then, she told me that HR is not free and that the time that they have given me is subject to confirmation. I was a bit disappointed because the girl who called me earlier on sounded very clear that HR would call me this evening.

I don’t know but I find that it isn’t really a good sign but I will not feel upset. If this doesn’t work for me, I’ll just try again.

After that, it was time for some love. Had a simple but nice dinner. Saw a guy carrying a big bear – the one sold in Watson – and I found it so cute. A guy carrying a big teddy, making his way to surprise his loved one.

Happy V-day and I wish you love…!

I hate my job.

I’ve got a present today from the boss for having the best average handling time and another category – I don’t know what it is- for the previous previous week.

He asked me to choose between two remaining gifts. It happened after he gave out the other presents to 3 other people who performed well for the past few weeks. I didn’t come into the picture because my statistics didn’t look good since I was on leave during Chinese New Year. I don’t know whether Mr.Boss felt bad that I was the only one in the department today that didn’t get anything which led him to offer me to choose the remaining gifts. But I shall take it as he really appreciates that particular week in which I’ve performed well.

I should be happy, really. But I’m not.

Makes me wonder too how one can still perform well when given a job she finds unfulfilling and is so very sick of. So, I think there is really a difference between doing something fulfilling but you failed and doing something unfulfilling but you succeed. When you do something you enjoy doing but you fail, it keeps you doing it again and again till you succeed. But if you do something you hate and merely just telling yourself to just “do, do, do”, maybe you will succeed but it will not necessarily make you happy.

Iris asked me over dinner what gift I want for Valentine’s Day.

“Do you want the polar bear? I buy the polar bear for you.”

“Don’t want lah. So expensive.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I want a new job.”

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know it’s supposed to be “distance” instead of “absence” but in my case, it’s the latter.

The grudge I had with the colleague has subsided a little. We are talking now. Suddenly, she’s nicer. I don’t know how long it would last but I don’t need it to be super good. If it were to remain as it is now, I am contented.

Apparently, I missed out on lots of things while I was on leave. Work wise. I’m going to be part of a new team soon and I must say they look like a great team to work with. All new and raw. Learning as we are thrown into our job. That’s how I see how it’s going to be.

They had training sessions already which I didn’t have since I were away but Mr.Boss mentioned that he is very confident that I’ll be able to catch up very fast. I hope so. At times I wonder where in the world would I get to work with a boss like him. And I’ve said this for the thousandth times.

So, when we were having a discussion just now, you have no idea how mixed my feelings were. I should be really excited and looking forward to this new team but at the same time, I was thinking of leaving and wondering how to leave because after the discussion today, it just seemed a little harder to leave right now.

Would you stay for the benefit of the company? Or pursue something else for the benefit of your own?

I asked Iris the same question last night and she said, “Will the company think of you even if you stayed a little longer?”

“Even if you leave later, what’s the point? They would have trained you by then and then you’re leaving. Better to leave earlier so that they can get another person in.”

She raised a few good points there but I’m still so undecided. I believe I would know what decision to make once I have a new job offer because then my reasons would sound more valid. I was worrying how to have that phone interview next Tuesday because I would need to send my colleagues home and they can’t be waiting for me and I couldn’t possibly tell them I’ve got an interview.

Things turned out to be in order today. One had to travel to another state. One had some programme to attend so I am free to do what I want on that day. All I need to do is find a place and settle down and wait for the call.

I went to the gym today after work, after such a long break. My legs are aching right now. Went to watch “Prime” too.

After the movie, I returned call to Pappy who earlier called me when I was in the cinema. While I was talking to him, Mr.Boyfriend’s car was playing Ken Hirai’s song. I talked to Pappy and he kept asking how was my day, how am I, trying to squeeze out as many stories he can from me.

After hanging up, drops of tears came streaming my face. I don’t know why that happened but I just felt like I missed Pappy so much for a moment there. Ken Hirai’s song strengthened the emotions inside me with his soulful voice.

Sleep tight, you.

I’m supposed to be writing my minutes and completing my self-appraisal form but I just cannot resist the temptation of writing this entry so I guess I won’t be able to sleep that early tonight. I don’t really like the idea of self-appraisal. Self praise is no praise plus I’m not good at praising myself. But I would still need to fork out something later.

I just feel that my appraisal won’t be that good as the mid-year review. Just look at me and you’ll know. I don’t feel like I’m a good employee lately. Just a monkey, hanging on to the branch of a tree, wanting so much to swing from one tree to another but hesitating its move to stay on the current tree where the rotten bananas are.

A few of them welcomed me back today.

I then distributed my home-made cookies discreetly because I was afraid there would not be enough to go around. As expected, the bestseller is the Chocolate cookies, which also happened to be my favourite cookie.

I’m so famous of being the silent one that when I called to a senior colleague, offering her some cookies of mine. She commented that usually I won’t be the one to approach her first. As she termed me, “Speaks only when spoken to”. Whatever. Don’t offer also cannot, offer also cannot.

I am information overloaded today. There is so much changes within a short timeframe, important emails to absorb and while I was doing my job, I’m thinking again why I’m here while at the same time, thinking how to leave and so many other things. I like to poison my minds with unnecessary thoughts. Oh well, I worry tooooo much.

So while others answered their calls at ease (at least that’s what I observed), I felt so constipated. Lost, blur and confused but trying to appear calm and cold.

What made it better was when customers were happy that I’m back.

“Siapa ni? Grace ke?”

“Ya.”

“Eh Grace, mana kamu pergi?”

“Balik kampung.”

“Kampung mana?”

“Sabah.”

“JAUHnya!” Standard response I get when I tell people I’m from Sabah but I kind of like the attention I get. They look at you with eyes so wide, you feel like poking them. (Pardon me, I’m not that cruel, I’m just writing as the words come to me.)

“Okay, Grace, tolong saya boleh tak?”

“Boleh.” (My standard clause and is often being teased for saying too much because people want me to learn how to say no. Don’t help also cannot, help also cannot!)

“Eh, Grace, tunggu tunggu! Colleague saya nak cakap dengan kamu.”

“GRACEEEEE!! Saya rinduuuu kamu!”

I laughed.

She’s one of the nicest lady I’ve ever heard on the phone. Even if she doesn’t get what she wants the first time, she is always patient and sounds polite. It’s people like that that drives me forward and make me want to help them even more.

Then, I’m back to the same loop and grind.

Got to know a few new colleagues today and helped one of them when the paper got stuck in the fax machine. I like the feeling of pulling out the jammed-paper out for her just now.

Then, I got a call, inviting me for a phone interview. I’ve never experienced a phone interview before so this would be something new to me. It’s on next Tuesday after office hours. Yippie!

While I came back from the pantry carrying a mug of hot water to melt my cold cold heart, I smiled at the receptionist while I walked pass her and she waved at me, calling my name and signalling me to come over.

“Grace, lama tak jumpa. Mana kamu pergi?”

“Oh, saya balik kampung.”

“Kampung kamu kat mana?”

“Sabah.”

“Eh, jauh. Sabah mana? Sebab saya ada kawan dekat Tawau.”

“Sandakan. Tawau dekat juga lah dengan Sandakan tapi jauh juga.”

She laughed. Yeah, see what I crap lar.

Then, she whispered.

“Grace, Friday minggu depan last day saya.”

“Kenapa?”

“Sebab Ms.G dah balik.” She’s a temp, you see.

“Jadi, sambung kerja mana?”

“Saudara saya carikan kerja untuk saya.”

“Keep in touch ya?”

We wrote our contact numbers and she thanked me in such a sweet smile.

She’s only 18. Sometimes, I think I relate better to people younger than me. I like to talk to them or would be seen drawn to that kind of crowd, for example, some of my sister’s friends. You won’t get a headache talking to them and you know they would never do anything to harm you.

“Sebelum kamu pergi Jumaat ni, you beritahu saya ya?”

I would of course want to say good-bye and perhaps seal the farewell with a hug.

Okay babes, it’ s back to self-appraising and minutes writing time. Argh!

I’ve got a call 8 something this morning while I was still lazing on the bed.

When I saw the number flashing on the phone screen, I knew it was someone calling from some office and I guessed it right.

This is not the first time that I get people calling me regarding a job application early in the morning when I am still on the bed with a very sleepy voice. It happened twice already.

I tried to clear my throat to remove the sleepiness to give it a chirpy “Hello”. When I knew where he was calling from, my eyes grew bigger. He asked whether I was still interested for the position.

“Yes, I am.”

He then said he would inform HR to arrange for an interview for me. Yippie!

This is something to me, whether or not it’s going to be a successful one.