Category: Work

You know you’re lost when you don’t really know what you are doing, why you are doing it and how you are supposed to do it.

You go to work and you feel so scared, not confident in answering the questions that you get. I’m doing things so blindly that sometimes I feel like I’m a robot. Given a same situation in a different twist and I’m lost in how to solve it. Because why? I don’t view the problem in a big picture, I’m focusing on it as it is and that is why I cannot think of how to solve it. Sometimes, it takes common sense to figure how to solve it but I find my mind so blank. Totally blank.

I’m making mistakes at work because of that. I would be looking at the calendar, advising the customer one date but in actual fact, I’m thinking of another date.

The customer might have felt the uncertainty in my voice, she asked, “Are you sure?”

Then, I start to wake up and say the correct date. I fumble if they were to ask, “Are you sure?” for a few more times.

It’s just a minor mistake but it keeps repeating. Sometimes I take a little longer to answer simple queries because I know I’m unstable and I want to make sure I speak the correct information before I say anything. More often that not, I’ll get a “Hello?” on the receiving end.

We are relocating and I had to pack my stuff. I don’t even know how to pack my stuff properly. I know I have to put in the paper tray first before I put anything else in because that’s the biggest thing of all things so you must put it in first before you fill the gap with smaller things.

Knowing it, I still put the other small things first instead of putting the paper tray first. My mind is telling me something but I’m doing otherwise. Am I going through some kind of disorder or what?

Then, I felt so frustrated.

“How lah? How do I fit this in?” I said.

My colleague heard me. She came.

“I didn’t know you are so hopeless when it comes to packing.” She wasn’t scolding but merely being honest.

“Grace, you are in import now. Why are you still keeping those export files? Why are there so many things in your box?”

“No, it’s import stuff.”

Most of them are export stuff by the way. I have problem throwing it away because I still think it’s important to me. Don’t ask me why but I’m keeping printed emails like those from the customers I once helped a long time ago. Problems that were so big and new to me and I remembered how I used to solve them even though I didn’t know how to. I don’t want to forget about how I grew and learn throughout my period in this organization. That’s why I’m keeping them. There are also some from a manager who questioned me on my action and I replied them with my justification and I’m still keeping them. There was one in which I was so afraid to reply to because I was only two months old then but I tried to write and one of my colleague was so impressed with what I wrote. “Grace, that’s a very nice reply.” See? I want to remember things like that.

I’ve even got 5 log books that I’ve accumulated since the very first day I started taking the calls. The numbers, the names, the actions required. On certain pages, you can find some little scribbling of mine. It ranges from, “Oh God”, “I’m bored”, “Shit!”, “How?” depending on what I feel when I get a very difficult call.

“Oh my God, are you also keeping these?”

“Yes lah. If not, throw?”

My colleagues shook their head. Mr.Boss was like just next to me, packing also. He didn’t say anything but I think he also want to pengsan when he sees what’s going on.

I’ve been trying to throw lots of stuff away but then after the throwing away, there is still many left. I cannot throw it away until another time.

“Grace, remove all the things from the box first.”

I did as I was told.

She then helped me to put the paper tray in first.

“Okay, Grace, now you can put the rest in.”

Finally, I got my stuff packed.

Now do you understand what I’m saying when I say I feel totally lost?

I want to find myself again. I’ve never been so lost before.

I decided to let go of someone. It’s the end of my relationship.

It’s impossible not to cry. I cried in the night. I cried this morning when I was alone. Again, shed a few more tears in the afternoon.

It’s not because of the wrong date given or how I didn’t know how to pack my stuff that I decided to let go. These are just signs that are telling me I need to rescue myself. I am not happy and very troubled and I’ve got problems that I’m unable to write it all out here.

I just want to start all over again.

Clad in my white long sleeve shirt with black stripes and a skirt, I was all set to go to work.

As I was about to leave the house, the stomach cramps started and I had to go to the toilet. I knew it would take long and so I had to call up my colleague to drive off without me. I will drive to work on my own later.

But then, the cramps went on and on. I decided to inform Ms.Boss that I will be coming in later.

Still in my long sleeve shirt, I typed on the mobile while holding on to my pyjamas. Yea, very sexy. I just feel like sleeping after that and I did.

It just so happened to be one of the day in a month that reminds you how wonderful it is to be a woman. I have not been treating my body well lately and this is the feedback that I’m getting.

Boss replied, “If it’s too painful, think it’ll be better for you to rest at home today.”

I don’t think all bosses would say this.

Anyway, I decided to rest at home today while I listened to Mummy’s stories. I taught her how to check and write emails after that. She cooked for me after that.

Tomorrow, I will need to think of ways to entertain myself during work.

Good night and sleep tight.

I feel so bored at work now. I get tired very easily even though I have nothing much to do. I feel restless too.

40 calls that I get is equivalent to 20 or less because the calls that I get now can be quite simple and straightforward.

“When is it arriving?” I get this question everyday without fail.

I still double check the systems even though I know which day it is arriving before I tell the customers.

Seriously, I wouldn’t want to spend my days at work just answering to those questions. If it has not make me feel like an answering machine previously, it is making me feel like one now.

At the end of the day, I come back home to be entertained by my mother.

Yeap, she’s here!

I played this on Winamp and we sang together. I amplified my voice when it came to the “ooh ooh” part.

Oh yes I’m the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending that I’m doing well (ooh ooh)
My need is such I pretend too much
I’m lonely but no one can tell

Most of the blue pens in the world don’t like me. I can never use a normal pen from the beginning right till the very last drop of its ink because after a few days of writing, sometimes even lesser than that, the blue pen just doesn’t work anymore.

I don’t see it in other people because the more the write, the more ink comes gushing out of the pen, making the words appear bolder. Mine fades away into the background.

I don’t know how many pens I’ve thrown away since school. I then learnt the magic of having an ink pen because I never have problems writing with an ink pen.

Now that I’m working, I had to rely on the supply of office stationery. In this case, it’s the brand Kilometrico. I have been using and throwing Kilometricos long before their retirement date because as what my sister would say, “Grace doesn’t know how to use a pen. I don’t know how she writes.” She would never understand why every pen that I come in touch with would die sooner than they should. I wonder why too.

Seeing each Kilometrico leaving me before it should, I decided to put a stop to it. Now, I’m using the pens I bring from home. They are pens that I’ve collected in events, fairs, hotels. They are a bit more tougher.

Using an ink pen in this case would be a bit wasteful because it would run out of ink in a matter of days (until the very last drop, of course!) since I’ll be writing as the calls come flowing in.

Do you and your pen work well together?

The people in the office are very friendly. The one who is guiding me is a very nice lady. The one sitting next to me is a Sabahan too. She graduated from the same high school as me in Sandakan. Two years my senior but now happily married to a Penang guy with two kids.

She’s the kind of person whom you would like in an instant when you meet her. Very soft-spoken and very nice. You won’t believe that she’s married with two kids.

One customer really tested me when she was speaking in Hokkien. I didn’t want to tell her I can only understand the dialect and speak a word or two. I tried to speak to her in my broken Hokkien, as far as it could take me. It wasn’t so bad because I completely understood what she was saying and she understood what I was trying to say to.

What’s new is the word “zun” which means a ship in Hokkien.

Two of my colleagues in KL missed me I guess because they called to disturb me today.

“Who’s this on the line?”

“Grace.”

“WHO’S GRACE?!! WHO’S GRACE??”

I was wondering to myself, who this psycho is. The voice was so familiar, I guessed I knew who it was.

I mentioned her name and she laughed.

“Can you pass me to Ms.E?”

“Can!”

A few hours after that, I received another call.

“Who’s this on the line?”

“Grace.”

“GRACE???? WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT?!!”

Another psycho but I could recognise her voice as well.

I called out her name and she laughed out loud.

“Eh, actually I wanted to continue some more you know? But when you said my name, I cannot tahan already.”

Jahat! All like to kacau me!

5pm sharp. I left the office as soon as the taxi driver called up on my mobile. “I’m down here waiting for you already.”

This taxi driver is a very nice guy. See how many times the word “nice” has appeared in this entry?

We talked a little and he dropped me off at the gate nearest to the check in counter. He gave me a receipt which says “Forty Ringgit” but told me that he’s charging me “Thirty only”.

I’ve never met any taxi driver like that. Giving me a forty ringgit receipt so that I can claim it from my company but charging me ten ringgit less.

“If I happen to come to Penang again, I’ll call you!”

“Thank you for your support. It’s nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you too.”

I pulled my luggage out from the taxi and as I closed the door, he waved at me. I waved back.

Do you know what this is called? Excellent customer service.

I love Penang but I can’t wait to get back to KL, in which in KLIA the lady who was cleaning the toilet was singing to the tune of a Chinese oldies ???????? 🙂 . She sang very lovely.

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The difference between answering the calls in the office in KL and the one in Penang is that the calls volume is lower.

In KL, there’s only one hotline that gets pick up by us. Here, the hotline goes to every department. Everyone helps to pick up the phone when they are free.

The customers here are nicer than the ones in KL. At least, there were no screaming ones when I was here for two days.

The office is smaller here as compared to the one in KL. Small and cosy. Peaceful and quiet. Simple and uncomplicated. Sometimes it gets so quiet that you get to hear the sound of the music playing in the background, some easy listening songs. Very nice! Whereas in KL, all you hear is noise. No music allowed.

What I did in the office today was to conquer as much calls that I can because in the morning, everyone except for me was called in for a meeting. So I had to attend to the calls and served a customer over at the counter.

The bulk of call were mostly regarding export shipments which left me with a miserable 3 import calls in a total of one day. Unbelievable but true. So, most of the time, I had to help out with the export calls because the customer are complaining that they can’t get through the hotline that has been centralised to KL.

What’s left now is for me to learn about import shipment inside out and then I can answer just any calls that come my way. I kind of like the idea.

Since the hotline is shared among all departments and anyone can just answer the calls, there are times when it becomes like a “Siapa cepat dia dapat” phone answering competition. Judging from the scene in the morning, I knew I had to be a little more quicker than the rest or I’ll never get to answer any import calls. So, there were times when two or more people will be answering the phone but only one gets the line, the fastest one. The others would then hear an engage tone and to put down the phone again. At times, it can get pretty frustrated to pick up the phone a few times but to discover someone else is quicker than you. But it was fun!

After office, I took a cab back to the hotel and dressed down before I took a stroll along Gurney Drive. Took me about 20 minutes to reach Gurney Plaza, walk around for about 10 minutes before I walked back to the opposite direction for food.

Had prawn mee and iced herbal tea. Yummy!

But I wasn’t feeling that satisfied yet so I ‘ta pao’ 4 chicken wings back to the hotel to enjoy them while I catch up on Buletin Utama and a Korean drama.

Tomorrow’s my final day in Penang.

I left the office at 5pm sharp to get on to a taxi that would bring me to the airport.

The taxi driver’s name is Khalid, who speaks very good English and seems to be a very kind person too.

I was feeling a little afraid at first about this whole Penang trip because it’s my first trip being away on my own, to some place that I’m not familiar with. But as I left the office, all I felt was excitement. I can’t wait to reach Penang.

Reached KLIA in 40 minutes. Checked in. They gave me the first row of economy class. 5F. Next to the window. Cool!

Went makan in the airport even though I wasn’t hungry because I know I would be very hungry once I get to Penang if I don’t eat now.

Boarded the plane and guess what? I have the right Row 5- 5D, 5E and 5F all to myself.

Zoomed out of the plane since I was seated at the first row and then zoomed out to get a taxi.

Reached Gurney Hotel and checked into a Studio Suite. 🙂

The bed was so big. I could have brought someone else or more along.

Went down to get some food. It was dark already and I didn’t dare to venture out alone in the dark for some cheap and nice food so what I did was settled at Coffeebean just next to the hotel . Then I was back to the hotel again to have a long hot bath and then reported to everyone that I’ve arrived safely and it’s time for bed.