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When you are left eating alone in the pantry..comes more well wishes. And I’m enjoying it. I get them in the lift. I get them when I go to the toilet.

“Why do you look so sad?” A manager asked me. I don’t know why he was sitting at my boss’s place and I have always been afraid of him. I don’t know why. It’s something about the way he looks.

I wasn’t feeling sad. I was feeling bored. Very bored. Very cold. Very sleepy. You add that up and you get a sad looking Gracie.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day I hope. New girl replacing me is coming in tomorrow. I’ve already got her door access card ready. All stationery taken. I was assigned by boss to become her buddy, which means I’ve got to take care of her while I’m still here and make sure she’s comfortable, she fits in.

Want to write some more, want to write yesterday’s story but Gracie has got to rush to bed.

I’m going to be a buddy tomorrow. Buddy!

More well wishes today, which I’m going to write when I have the time because I want to remember them.

Even though something in my heart is telling me that it’s the right time to leave, the right decision made but I can’t help but feel that I’m going to miss this place so much. Oh, so much. With all these well wishes from people that I know, it is indeed very heart-warming and touching.

I hope I don’t cry when I leave. You know me. I hate to say good bye.

I want to complain!

I didn’t like my day.

Came to work to find that someone else used my computer over the weekend, didn’t shut it down, didn’t log out. I had to sit down, stare blankly at the screen for half an hour before I could the system guy clocks in to work. And when he did, that someone who logged in to my computer came too.

First call I answered gave me a numbing effect.

More problems after that.

What I hated most today was when I was given a list of customers to call. To relay bad news to them. What made it harder was because this is the 2nd bad news after the 1st that was relayed to them earlier on by another colleague of mine.

The list was long so I wanted to share it with someone. I asked one of them to help me but she told me she was the one who relayed the 1st bad news last week. From the sound of it, I knew what I had to expect, calling this customers for the second time. And I understand her unwillingness to call again this week. It is painful.

I decided to take the plunge alone.

Some customers were okay. Some didn’t mind the delay. Some complaint. Some asked why. And when you’ve already explained why, they ask you why. You explain the why and you get some more why.

Each time I call the customers on the list, I feel like I’m going to be bombed anytime. You just don’t know when and for which customer.

One bomb hit me. I explained to her and she said, “This is not acceptable.”

“Unacceptable.”

I said I was sorry.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry. I want it by today.”

I didn’t know what to say but I told her we won’t be able to get it for her by today. The ship ain’t coming today. How do I make it come when it isn’t coming?

I explained but she didn’t want to listen to me.

“I don’t care. I want it by today.”

If only I could drive a vessel, I would get it for you. But I don’t and it’s wasn’t my decision that the vessel decided not to take your cargo. I’m just doing my part, to tell you that it has been delayed.

She was attacking me non-stop. Her tactic used was to attacked me non-stop, hoping she could squeeze out something from me. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. I looked 100 times worse than the distress picture I posted a few days ago. Two hands on forehead.

She gave me no chance to do anything. She asked me who was the one arranging it. I told her it’s our principal office, the top people. She wanted me to give her the name of the specific person. I couldn’t do that. So I had to take the blame. Shitty I tell you. Even though it’s not my first time and it has been such a long time since I get all this shit, it’s very disheartening. It’s like how you know? Tak pasal-pasal, you kena marah. My own mistake kena marah also I will feel berbaloi and kena pada tempat. This one, memang like sendiri menyakitkan hati sendiri.

You feel like you’re being cornered. To escape, I could only tell her I’ll try and see what I can do and I’ll get back to her. The thing is there is nothing that I can do because the decision is final and I won’t be getting back to her because there is nothing else that is left to say.

There’s a difference between getting scolded when you receive an incoming call and when you get scolded when you make the outgoing call. I prefer to be scolded when someone calls me, not when I call someone.

After I made that call, I so wanted to cry. But I didn’t cry lah. I just went to the toilet to wee wee. Instead of letting the tears flow from the top, I release it from the bottom.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Yesterday, while I was walking towards the beverage machine to get my usual dose of hot Milo, a manager of another team was there too.

Yeeee, takut!

Anyway, I had to say hi. She then started talking about me leaving, asking me where I’m going. She then looked at me, like so wanting to say something but not knowing what to say. I also stood there not knowing what else to tell her.

Then, I was talking to my favourite lunch buddy and she came over and asked my lunch buddy if she knows that I’m leaving. Lunch buddy said yes and she’s sad that I’m leaving because we were the pioneer ones in the call centre and Grace is my senior…..by a month! She laughed.

Suddenly, the manager asked me, “Why do you have to leave at this time?”

Wah!

My answer was very simple. I just told her the offer came at this time.

“True. Opportunities won’t always come.”

Today, someone else popped in, asking me the same questions again. I didn’t really need to explain because she understood why I’m making this move.

As I was walking towards the door to go back home, a manager came out of the meeting room and saw me. She waved, asking me to stop and I knew what she wanted to say. She is one of the managers that I admire a lot. Besides my boss, I’ve never seen a manager as patient, as capable, as knowledgeable, as kind, as nice, as friendly as she is. She will give you no pressure because she has never once raised her voice and you would still feel like working for her. It’s hard to comeby people like her.

Then, another big big manager saw me and asked me when is my last day.

Yeeeee, takut!

I just told him the date. He nodded his head and asked no more, spoke no more. Scary lor.

I want to write some more but I’m too happy today since it’s Friday and I want to sleep.

I stumbled across this picture after I taught someone to manage the intranet. Boss suggested to include a page where photos can be uploaded so in order to see if my teaching is effective, I left my colleague to try to create a page on his own, after demonstrating it to him.

As I was browsing through the photo gallery, I almost wanted to faint because the picture above was uploaded and it was titled “Panadol or Aspirin”? I couldn’t help but laugh, not knowing when he snapped the photo. And of all time, he snapped a picture of me when I’m in distress.

:-??

I have been busy.

Because I’m leaving, boss has assigned me tasks to do and I will not be answering calls for 3 days. Today is the second day.

I need to plan, organise, think, teach, prepare system guide and everything my boss wants me to do.

I will do the best I can before I leave. I enjoy times like these when I do not need to answer the calls and I can concentrate on the tasks that has been assigned.
Am also guiding this new guy sitting beside me now since the one who is in charge is on leave for a week. He’s smart but we all make mistakes when we are still new and learning. Sometimes I prefer him to make mistakes so that he could learn better. I always feel that sometimes you learn best through mistakes. So, I decided not to spoon feed him but I think I am. I believe one must show some initiative of discovering things. Like how I would always try, think and try before I ask someone, instead of just asking someone whenever a problem pops up. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. There’s this joy of trying very hard but you still couldn’t quite get it and then you ask someone and someone tells you the answer and then you go, “Oooooohhh…!”

It’s more exciting that way than asking someone something without even thinking with your own feet on how you think would be the possible solutions. But of course, there are things that you would need to ask there and then.

One thing is that no matter how much a person teaches another verbally, one must still go through the situation itself to grasp a better idea and how to go about it. Knowing is one thing but going through the situation itself is another thing. So, I must be patient in teaching this new guy because sometimes I find that I’m repeating myself. But it’s okay because I always like to see that people are learning and I know he’s learning because he’s asking me questions.

Teaching is learning twice. I learn things too when he asks me something that I’m not too sure of and then I go get the answers and then explain it to him.

He has been lunching with me for two days already. He will wait till I go for lunch and he’ll sit down and eat with me. So nice. So now I’ve got more lunch buddies. And as usual, he asked me, “Grace, why are you so quiet?”

This is the one million dollar question and I never really know how to answer that question when someone asks me. I’m always trying to talk or say something but I think it’s never enough.

That is one.

Today, someone else commented the same thing. I do not know his name. So when he sat down, this female colleague of mine asks if he knows me. He said, “I know. She’s the most silent person in the office.”

I’m like… Yeah *speechless*

And the most frequent or well-known fact about me that is known to these people here is, “When Grace talks on the phone, you don’t know whether she’s talking or not.”

And then came another breaking news. The colleague sitting beside me (to my left) is leaving too. She’s just like me, going back to do the things she wants to do. I like her a lot. She’s good. Really good. She takes ownership of problems and I mean real problems, problems that are hard to solve, the kind that gets brushed away by someone who doesn’t like to be responsible of shitty stuff. She will deal with it even if she doesn’t know exactly what the solution is. Her efforts can be felt, at least I feel them and I like to observe people.

When we are free, we will talk and we were discussing about prawns. She has got this prawn toy in the office with five pairs of legs. Out of boredom, she asked if prawns have got 5 pairs of legs, which was one interesting question. I went back home one day and Mummy cooked prawns. I counted the legs of the prawns. 5 pairs. To confirm, I counted legs of more prawns and I can confirm that it’s 5 pairs.

Today I told her it’s confirmed that a prawn has got 5 pairs of legs. She laughed.

Would love to continue but brain not working because today’s class at the gym was good. I can sleep now while typing.

Good night. Dream a little dream of me.