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Okay, I’m supposed to go cook rice for lunch in the office tomorrow and bathe but then I just feel like writing. So here goes my second entry of the day.

I feel a little bored at work in the morning because I’m not doing my job because I enjoy doing it but because I know it’s my responsibility to get it done. Even though I may not enjoy it but each time I turn on the computer and start reading the mails, I get stuck. I’m rooted. Full concentration.

I’m happy that the things that I’ve been struggling to do the previous week seemed easier now. So, practice does make it almost perfect. But I’m not being complacent yet because there is still a lot to learn and I’m starting to worry the three days in which I’ll need to cover for another colleague who’s going on leave. She’s the only one who knows what to do with that portion of work which I’m learning from her. So, when she is away and if I’m faced with difficulties, of which I know I would since that’s the nature of the work and industry, I need to be very brave and very smart. Everyday is problem solving day.

The feeling that has been visiting me from time to time is back again. The desire to move on to something different. Something new. I’ve always tell myself that “It’s not the time yet.” But really, I don’t know when the time would be right or is there such a thing as a right time?

For all I know, the time would never be right for me because I’m capable of holding on the silliest thought to make myself stay. I’ve always been telling myself to hang on there. I did though sometimes I ended up in tears. I’ve been telling myself to persevere for a year. I managed to go through that. I guess I’ll always feel this way when you feel like there’s still something in life that I’ve not done, have not tried. There will always be a “what if” and I want to answer that.

And even if moving on to that something new isn’t going to be my piece of cake, I think that would answer myself. I’m not going to write what it is that I would like to do for my next job because there is a possibility that it might not come true once I say it out. See? I’m capable of very silly thoughts.

But I’ll tell you when I reach there.

I have been telling people that I’m looking for a new job but I’ve never really been very serious at applying for one. I will flip through the newspaper, discover some that I think is interesting and that’s just it. I will browse job sites and save them and never bother applying for any.

Yesterday was different though. I took action.

Good luck, Gracie!

Me and my toilet buddy decided to visit the toilet at the next building because she was saying the toilet at our buiding is dirty.

So, we had to get out of the building and walk to the next one. It feels funny though, to be using another buiding’s toilet. But it’s good to get some fresh air. It’s the first time I’ve ever walked out of the building during office hours.

I like my toilet buddy. She’s very young. Only 18. She’s able to interact with everyone because she’s friendly. I think she’s very pure at heart. She likes to offer some of us food. She knows I like the yellow kacang she buys from the pasar malam.

She doesn’t have much to do in the office because she’s a temp. She would always ask me if there’s any document that she could help to fax out. Knowing that she’s bored, I would at times print out the documents even though I can simply fax it through the system. It means lots of walking to the printer but I don’t really mind because I know she feels very happy if she has got something to do.

I made a new friend today over lunch because one of my usual lunch buddies didn’t come to work. The other I guess wouldn’t want to eat with me anymore. So, there was a table, 4 chairs, 3 filled up, 1 empty chair. I filled in the blank. She shares the same surname as me. She has a degree in Biology. Therefore, I can conclude that the majority of people here are scientists. It was nice talking to her even though it was just a short conversation. Maybe I get to lunch with her again tomorrow.

“He’s the best boss anyone could ever have!”

A colleague exclaimed during lunch. I agree.

Many are walking over to my department to seek the truth. They feel sad but at the same time happy for him.

Now that I’m reading and replying emails, I don’t get to talk a lot. Not that I talk a lot under normal circumstances but if I were to be answering calls, I’ll get to talk. Now that I don’t get to talk that much, I feel so weird.

There will be people talking and joking around but I will just listen while concentrating on those emails, trying to figure what it is that it wants to say. When I think, I cannot talk. I’m glad that I’ll only be doing this for another 6 days because I cannot imagine myself just replying to emails. They are not nice to read and they are never-ending. Every minute you see emails flowing in.

The only time I enjoy now is lunch time when all my buddies will be there. One of them got to know that I’m unattached and she looked at me for so long, wondering whether I’m okay. Then, she started to lighten up and asked if I want to be introduced to someone because she has someone in mind.

I don’t want.

I’m not going to plan the structure of this entry so I’m merely writing as things pop into my mind.

Lunch buddies aside, I’ve got a toilet buddy.

“Grace, boleh tak you teman saya pergi toilet?”

Since then, we’ve been going to the toilet together. She will go with me when I really need to pee even when she doesn’t feel like peeing. I will go with her when she really needs a pee but I don’t have any pee left inside to pee.

Reason why we’re doing this is toilet is being renovated so we have to go to another toilet which is kind of isolated, which can be very scary.

Then, you’ll get to listen to stories of a car being stolen and that the office is haunted. Not nice.

Anyway, it’s Thursday night and I’m going out to the post office now!

Answering calls doesn’t make me go hungry that fast but reading and replying emails make me go hungry very fast and I feel a little faint right now.

I want to eat.

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