A Life that is Mine

I didn’t go to work today because I was feeling unwell. I have been answering phone calls with a runny nose for two days already. Either I’m weak or the air-con is just too cold. When I get flu, I feel sleepier and of course my voice would sound different because I’d be talking and pinching my nose with a tissue. Had slight sorethroat as well, so figured I better stay at home and rest.

However, my sister, Iris wanted me to take her to college to hand in her assignment so I had to drive her there. I’m her chauffeur and also her mother for now because she accidentally asked her friend to put her book into her mother’s plastic bag when we were in the car and obviously, the mother was me.

She wanted to get a gift for a friend so I had to take her to One-Utama. Since we were already there, we had lunch as well. After that, I just had to drop by a bookstore when I’m in a shopping mall, which in this case is MPH. Everytime I enter a bookstore, I would head to the Self-Help section first. ( I don’t know why but it has been a habit already or maybe it’s because I always need help.) Then, I would visit the Information Technology section. (I’ve been doing this ever since I started studying IT and it still stays stuck with me till now.). Today, I ventured out to a section called “Career” because I am looking for a job. Not that I would get a job just by visiting that section but when you want to know more about something, you are drawn to it automatically. Spent a whole hour just reading.

One thing about trying out a job and then discovered that you don’t like it teaches me some important things. I know of some people who likes to work in Call Centre so much and that they need a job in which they could talk and talk and talk. But I know I’m not the kind. I need people to assign me with some task that I can concentrate on and when I see the end result, I would feel contented, satisfied and accomplished. I like to work with details.

That it’s important to do what you love whenever possible. I think it’s easier to wake up in the morning once you have that. However, one must be brave to take that step out. I’m still not brave enough even though most of the time, you listen to me ranting about how I hate my job and all that. Sometimes, I make myself like it but it just doesn’t work. I have not really done anything to change it. I’m just sitting down, talking and talking about it.

I think a lot too. I think about how selfish it is if I just leave like that since I would be learning new things, with the merging and restructuring, they certainly would need current staff to stay to make the transition easier. I think about the colleague that doesn’t have a car to go to work because my colleague and I take turns to pick her up every morning to work and then send her back once we finish work. I know it’s ridiculous to think that way because I know in one way or another the department will still survive and my colleague I hope knows the possibility of that happening to her, would sure find a way to get herself back to work everyday.

Then, you’d hear people telling you it’s hard to get a job, especially in IT. I wouldn’t want to listen to that. You can call me stubborn but I know if I listened to that then I might as well just not do anything to it since it’s hard which makes it sound not possible at all. I must keep hoping and do everything I can one step at a time to bring myself closer to it. (Okay, now I sound like Sayuri in Memoirs of a Geisha because she said, “Every step I have taken has been to bring myself closer to you.”)

That you would need to set your own career path because nobody knows what you love doing but only you alone. So, if it isn’t me who would set my life back into a meaningful track again, who would? If it is to be, it is up to me.

And as Sayuri said, I want a life that is mine.


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