What is My Calling?


Okay, just a random statement that I need to get out of my chest. I just like him very much.

This morning while I was brushing my teeth, I felt very sad. Sad that I’m going to work. I feel afraid when this feeling visits me because I just don’t know what’s the root cause of it and hits you when you least expect it. So I’m going to give myself a few months time to really think about what I want to do. Sometimes I just feel that this is not my calling yet. Sometimes I want to try different kinds of jobs to experience different things. May not be good for career progress but will definitely make my life more interesting and versatile. It’s easier said than done because when I actually decide to quit a job, it takes me a lot of time, especially when I think there’s still something that I can hold to, something I can contribute to, something that I can learn, something I should presevere on no matter how shitty it gets.

And for some reason, I will not go for my dream job. I’m even afraid to reveal to you what my dream job is. Not that it’s is disgrace but I just want to keep it as my dream job. Dream only. hahahaha

Sometimes it’s about the pay..my dream job doesn’t pay much as compared to now. In reality, we need money to survive kan? So adakalanya I will focus on the jobs that will bring me more increment as I progress because I need to be financially independent. So that’s why sometimes we cannot have it all. And for some reason, I don’t know why I feel so old today.

And now my mum is SMSing me from the room asking me to give my  eyes a rest. She’s lying on the bed about to fall asleep. Gosh..I  have to go to bed lah.

Challenging days ahead…and I really mean challenging days ahead. Maybe that’s why I felt sad today because I’m worried if I can cope. I die die also will say I will survive one but surviving can be so many ways. Surviving happily or surviving secara nyawa-nyawa ikan way.

Whatever it is, I think I need to come out with a list so that I’ll be clearer of the goals I want to achieve.

Good nite people. I love you so much for still reading me even though I know I confuse you most of the times.

Well…something that I find very funny and put a smile on my face today was when a caller told the radio DJ that one of his new year resolution is to actually find a girlfriend because he’s lonely. I think I’d like to make that as my new year resolution too….to let someone discover me because I’m lonely too. ee hee hee hee. And if I must, I’ll make myself appear in front of him – whoever that may be, in the form of a bee (me) visiting a flower, or a carrot (me) brandishing in front of a bunny, a waffle (me) to accompany the ice cream, toothpaste (me) to go with the toothbrush, two lonely hearts to be one (me and him – whoever that may be).

Ok, I really must go.

And I really love you.


  • cbenc12 says:

    and i love you too 😀

  • gracieq says:

    It’s been said that every individual will go through 7 career changes in their lifetimes before they settle down with THE career for them. By career changes, it means 7 different types of jobs or industries, not 7 different jobs in the same position or same industry.

    Just hang in there. I’m sure your calling will come a-calling.

  • Grace says:

    ben: >:d< gracieq: I've heard something like that too. My count as of now would be 3 different jobs in 3 different industries. Well, make that 4! 🙂

  • silent_one says:

    After reading this post, I finally understand why you chose the latter 🙂

    And yes, the sad feeling before work plagues me every week too.

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