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There’s always a first time for everything.

My friends were late and so I found myself singing for the first half an hour.

It just felt so sad.

I had a good time after that when they finally came but will never forget that 30 minutes that I’m alone.

29 years, 1 day, 12 minutes old.

Mee Pok for breakfast. Then, I told myself it’s brunch because I didn’t had lunch.

My lunch was an apple which I told myself it sounds more like tea.

Followed tweets and news half of the day on Bersih.

Home alone.

Finally, the word Bersih got to me and I ended up “bersih-ing” the house. I was so bored staying in the house the whole day.

TV. TV. Internet. Internet. iPhone. iPhone. (Not necessary in that sequence.)

Cooked dinner.

Surprise birthday cake from my sister.

Home alone.

Nevertheless, thank you for all the birthday wishes!

I’m 29 years and 1 hour old.

It’s an unusual day because there will be a BERSIH 2.0 rally in town, roads will be blocked and I will be home celebrating my BIRTHDAY 2.9. My sister calls it house arrest.

생일 축하해 (Happy Birthday)

I was walking towards the direction of the hypermarket when I detected the presence of a credit card guy. I wasn’t looking at him and wasn’t planning of looking at him, and hoping that he wasn’t looking at me and will not stop me and talk to me.

But that didn’t happen. It came to a point where I had to stop and look at him because he was already in my path.

He showed me a leaflet that says RM50 cashback then I looked back at him and he looks so familiar. It took me only 3 seconds to retrieve the image cache from my brain that this is the same guy I upgraded my credit card with.

Then, I just told him, “Didn’t I just upgrade the card with you?” “At Tropicana City Mall?”

“You still remember?” He asked. I wasn’t sure if he recognises me or not or that was just a line he uttered to cover himself.

“Yes..”

“So are you shopping here?”

“No, I work here.”

“You don’t shop here?”

At this point of time, I was like……

so I said, “I work here so I don’t shop here”. Actually what I meant was since I’m working here 5 days a week so I wouldn’t purposely come back here to shop.”

I think he wanted to turn it into a full-fledged conversation but I didn’t quite allow it.

He asked what card did I get…I answered, I smiled and then we said our byes.

The reason why I can remember him is because of his name.

Pure.

It didn’t turn out quite like what I’ve expected but it’s ok. I believe there’s a reason for it. Moody stories for another day.

I love my pappy. He just seemed so loveable on the phone today. He called to ask me what I have in plan for my birthday. Not wanting him to worry, I told him my friends will be celebrating with me. Maybe not exactly on my birthday but within this month since there will be a rally on the streets of KL that day (the last I read, it’s going to be held in a stadium?)

I told him my sister is here with me so there’s no need to feel that he has to be here. He didn’t say it but I know he sounded like he’s sorry he couldn’t be here with me on my birthday.

I can’t help it but I’m tearing a little now. *sniff sniff*

I’m not looking forward to my birthday this year. Not because I hate to be one year older but the end of June has been so erratic that it has spilled over to July and the way I see it, it’s going to continue. It is so hard to force myself to be happy as of now.

I’m not sad but I’m troubled, which of course makes me look sad now. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, and my head gets so tired, I’d just come home and nap on the sofa because it just feels that I can’t go on thinking anymore. I just need the world to stop operating for a while and that’s when the sleep would allow me to have some peace. Even just for 20 minutes though I know that wouldn’t erase what’s going to happen.

A friend asked me what I want as a birthday gift. I said I don’t need anything. In fact, don’t get me anything, just spend time with me.

Perhaps a hug to tell me everything’s gonna be alright. The last time I got a hug was so long ago, I don’t remember having one.

I may wake up tomorrow laughing what I’ve just written tonight…because it’s still a moody story.

The tears are running dry now. You may go to bed. Pick yourself up again tomorrow and the universe will help you.

The bathroom light decided to die on me. It’s been about 2 weeks already and I didn’t get a new tube light until tonight. I paid and asked if the guy at the cashier can help me test if it’s working. He pretended or didn’t seem to hear me at first so I repeated and he still showed no sign like I exist. I asked for the third time and he told me the light has been tested, it works fine. Pissed because I just felt that he was lazy. I had no interest of picking an argument so I came home and changed the tube light. It worked so I was not so pissed anymore.

This scenario here reflects me in some way. Sometimes when I get into a problem, I tend to let it sit and grow. It’s like there’s something that’s holding me back. That something…is me. My heart. My mind. I have this ability to talk myself into fear. I waver. I think too much.

I could have got the new tube light a day after the bathroom light stopped working but I waited so long till I get it replaced.

Of course, I have another situation bigger than a dead bathroom light and the problem has grown so big, I don’t know what comes next. I’m telling myself I’m ready for anything that may come my way. I’ve not been in this situation before so it’s only normal I’m scared. But being scared isn’t going to help me solve it. Being afraid only makes me stay put at the same spot and that only frightens me more.

I have been taking baby steps of courage to get out of it but I don’t think it’s good enough. I need to take a bigger step no matter how scared or timid I am now. Tomorrow I’m going to do just that. I definitely hope for the best but I need to be ready for the worst.

I really wished I could tell you what it’s all about but I’m so embarrassed to actually write it out here. I’m just ashamed of my foolishness, silliness, trusting-people-too-easilyness, naiveness. I think I can only spit out once I really get this solved. It’s not something that will be solved overnight but I want to be on the path of making it right and putting an end to it.

Gracie, you can do this! Be brave!

and so today I received my first birthday gift from someone I least expected it from…because we had a period of “not befriending each other” to “not-contacting each other” to “just-allowing-time-to-do-its-thing” (for my case) and now “a-gift-that-says-happy-birthday, can-we-be-friends-again”?

Yes, it’s bunny-related. Not that I’m complaining but I’m always getting bunny gifts. Muahaha!

A simple, cute and heart-warming gift. The bunny’s stomach has got a keychain and you can slip the keychain in or out to get your keys. Just imagine the bunny is protecting the key and only the owner, which is me, has the privilege to retrieve it. I don’t know how to explain and I’m writing in the middle of the night and I’m overdosed with Korean songs and have not since recovered from my hangover of “Best Love/Greatest Love” Korean drama….so pardon me.

And when I thought I’m the only crazy one…I heard someone humming my favourite song as of now in the office. When I left work today, I made a stop at her workstation and asked her about the drama, of which the  OST she was humming to. It’s so nice to have someone sharing something you like.

그만 자자 (Let’s get some sleep!)

It’s rare that I get to come to work later. I totally loved it when I woke up listening to the pitter patter of the raindrops. I laid out the yoga mat which I’ve not touched for close to 3 months. Did my stretches. Ate my apple while watching the last half of Ice Age 3 on TV. Had a nice warm bath. Dressed nicely. Pumped petrol and went to work. When I arrived, everyone was out for lunch so I get to enjoy the quietness for a while.

I went down to tabao my lunch. Worked while listening to some lovely Korean songs.

This is what I call bliss. （￣ー￣）