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Selamat Hari Raya

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Maaf Zahir Batin

At 7:45am, we departed for Gohtong Jaya to have bah kut teh at Tee Huat Bah Kut Teh Restaurant. Gohtong Jaya is a small place just before you reach Genting Highlands. It’s supposedly to be very good, as what Pappy’s friend’s said. To me, it was good but not to the extent that I need to drive up to Gohtong Jaya just to taste it.

Anyway, it was quite fun, joining Pappy and his “old” friends. Iris and I were the younger ones. After that, Pappy wanted to try his luck at the casino and my cousin brother who followed us for breakfast didn’t want to drive up, afraid that there’s going to be a problem finding a parking space. We settled for cable car ride but it’s just too crowded. We opted to go down hill and head for Kampung Bukit Tinggi, Bentong to get to this restaurant – Remember One Two Six Restaurant or in Chinese…126 ???? .

Serves yummy food. Ah…this one you can drive all the way to Bentong just to taste it because it’s really different. They have this fish paste (yu wat – Cantonese) with meehoon and plenty of minced ginger. Very good! We ordered frog too and because it’s kampung frog so it tasted better! There are other nice dishes but we could only order so much.

After lunch, we headed back to KL and now you can see cars gushing up towards Genting. Sheer madness.

Tomorrow I’ll be visiting my ex-neighbour for Raya. Just thinking about the rendang and fried chicken and KUIHS makes me go hungry.

He’s 55 today.

Worked late again last night till about 10pm but was allowed to come in later to work this morning. And then we were informed that we could leave earlier due to Hari Raya eve. Today is a very happy day because I’m going to have 5 days break starting from tomorrow.

Pappy’s present was still unwrapped as of this morning. Couldn’t find it in the room but saw it lying in the study room instead. Someone was supposed to wrap it but then tak jadi and was left in the study room which I think was visible if Pappy had the intention to peek into the plastic bag. Anyway, Pappy was out playing tennis with Mummy so I had to wrap the present quick. While I was wrapping half way, the door opened and I had to hide!!!

Then, only to realise that it was just mum. Pappy was still playing tennis so I hurried and continued with the wrapping. Then, a few minutes later, he came back and I was hiding the present again. This time I had no choice but to hide in the bedroom. I had to fork out touching words for the birthday card in 1 minute and then wake up Iris who was sound asleep. She only managed to sign her name, and not even open her eyes to read the card. That’s how sleepy she was! But I insisted she wake up to wish Pappy.

With all the above, I WAS ALREADY LATE FOR WORK.

Had dinner today with the relatives to celebrate Pappy’s birthday. As usual, I get the “Got or not?” question. My answer would be “Tadak (Tiada)” and am proud of that. I mean, if this is how it’s supposed to be for now and that if my time has not come, then I should be contented with whatever situation I am in. It’s only how you perceive it.

Before this, there was another dinner with Pappy’s friends and with that, I already have two people telling my mum about the potential guys that they know of that might interest me and they kinda belong to the same category. 30 something, nice guy, worked too hard that’s why no time to get a girlfriend and now wants to look for a wife, quiet and that’s why he suits me. (Seriously, I don’t think I need a quiet guy. I need someone who talks because dah lah I don’t talk that much, I cannot afford to have someone quieter than me.)

I never like this kind of falling in love in such a manner of introducing and meeting arrangement because I’m more to the romantic kind ma. I like to meet someone unexpectedly and fall in love, at least I’ve got story to tell of how I met him. And not saying, “Oh, we met while our parents’ friends think we may be for each other.
You know?

That is my ideal of course but whether or not it will happen that way I don’t know. But as long as I can still afford to keep my ideals, just let me dream a bit lor because I know the more that I dream, the bigger the possibility it will come true…just that it would take longer time for me as compared to the others.

Sometimes I will think about the kind of wedding photos I’ll be taking, the wedding gown that I’ll be wearing and so on. How we will go travelling together and building a family together.

More so lately because I’ll be attending 2 weddings. One I need to become bridesmaid somemore. I like the fact that I get to dress up and to witness my friend’s big, auspicious day and see if any particular heng-dai interests me. You know…I’m really sounding like I’m desperate even though I say like I enjoy to be single forever. So let’s just put it this way, I’m not going to sulk now that I’m single but I’m also not letting go of any chance that I might just meet the right one. Working life is so limited in the sense that you only get to meet your colleagues and I can tell you I don’t even have to think about it when it comes to looking for someone in the office. Tadak juga!

If ever there is a need to answer the most common interview question that employers would ask, “Why did you leave your previous job?” I might just answer, “To look for a life partner.”

Japan only supports phone with 3G feature and mine doesn’t. So I was practically disconnected from the world. I tried switching my phone on though but then it started to hang and since then it hangs even though I’m back to Malaysia. I don’t know what’s wrong really, if my phone was already starting to act weird and coincidently happened in Japan or because I switched it on in Japan. Wanted to send for repair but the Nokia Service Centre was closed at 8pm and I was there at 8:10pm not knowing they close so early.

I’m now using Pappy’s spare phone. It’s like back to the basics. No hanky panky features. Just plain features.

Was sorting out the souvenirs and it’s not easy. Why? BECAUSE I WANT ALL OF THEM FOR MYSELF!!!

They are so cute. They are really very cute. If they are not cute, I won’t get them in the first place. And they are also very pretty. Just looking at them makes me happy. I only bought one for some so that I don’t need to think whether I should give it away or keep it for myself. Some, I bought more than one which means I have a choice and this is the susah part. Lesson learnt: It’s hard to part with pretty souvenirs even though you know when you bought them, they are meant to be given away to people dearest to you.

I will start off to distribute to only 3 people that is dearest to me at work. Then, I’ll proceed from there.

And don’t get me started on the snacks. They are pretty too. Gosh. So pretty you don’t know whether to eat them.

Sleeping alone tonight as Iris is away for 2 nights with her friends. But it’s okay because I’m going to have a long weekend with her in the beginning of October. 5 days! yummy 😀

This is supposed to start off happy but as I was about to type this, Mummy started her round of nagging and picking on me. It all started because of a lizard that came into the room through the window and apparently it is my fault that the bloody lizard came in. The rest is history because then everything came blowing up, my pimples, my flaws that I know pretty well what they are but they just have got to be dug out and re-emphasised again and again. Hate it when this happens. No notice nor warning. It just comes like a hurricane.

Ok. End of Rant.

Okay..I don’t think I’m done yet.

Beginning of Rant.

The problem with me is I’m still not comfortable being myself. More often than not, I like to linger behind the shell. Wanting to be daring but just doesn’t seem to be able to get out of the shell. The more I try, the more uncomfortable it gets but if I don’t try, I’m just not going anywhere.

Got my confirmation letter today but I wasn’t particularly very happy. Maybe it’s because I was tired and it’s the after effect of a long holiday. Lesson learnt: Never ever go back to work the next day after a long holiday, especially so if you are taking a flight and landing at night.

It felt like crap today and it was so hard to focus. Then the feeling that I was so afraid to encounter with re-surfaced and there I go again questioning about what I want, my life, what’s missing, what’s not missing, why I should be contented, why I shouldn’t be contented just yet, why am I built this way, why is it not okay to have a quiet personality.

I’m still thinking about him, especially when I was in the plane, with nothing to do. I guess there will always be someone in your life that will make you feel that way, pain you in that way, makes you miss them in some ways and it’s going to be like that as long as it can be.

I’m not really thinking about meeting the right one even though deep down inside, that’s what I really want. Maybe that’s the only thing I want right now which is killing me bit by bit. I keep telling myself that it’s okay to be alone. My time will come. But the next question comes, when is it going to be or will it ever happen?

You know..sometimes I’ll go wondering if I will ever end up being alone for the rest of my life. Silly I know but after going through a few bumps in this relationship journey, it doesn’t help.

Please tell me I’m normal to be feeling whatever I’m feeling now. Suddenly I’ll have this feeling that I’m still trying very hard to understand myself. I will also feel like I’m floating, as in wandering aimlessly. Just going through life as it it is, work, go home, then work again.

When you grow older, you are supposed to know what you want right? But why is it that as I grow older, the more confused I get?

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I really must write something happy tomorrow.

Konbanwa! 🙂

I’m back and I just took my bath. Tired and I’m working tomorrow.

So…I need to get to bed now. Japan was nice. Very lovely country. Stories for another day, alright?

Oyasuminasai!

It means good night.

I am a confirmed employee on the day Malaysia was formed.

Tak faham?

Today, 16 of September is the day Malaysia was formed. Today, I sort of got my confirmation letter because I’m confirmed but haven’t got the letter on hand. Confirmation came one week earlier so when I was asked to go into the meeting room, I was thinking hard of if there was anything that was wrong with me that my manager wanted to speak to me. Haha!

Long day tomorrow so good night and I’ll see you next Wednesday!

HELLO!!! 🙂

Oh God, I miss the Internet so much. I miss my blog so much. Did you know I had the suckiest weekend ever? It was like the most boring weekend I’ve ever had. So much so that I was beginning to think that I’m going to turn crazy soon.

Was in Merlimau, Melaka for the weekend. It was a last minute plan. Mummy wanted Iris to visit grandpa before she goes back to the UK and so I had to tag along, had to cancel a plan to meet up with a friend who flew to KL from Australia. She has already “booked” me months ago and now I told I won’t be able to meet her a few days shy from the day we are supposed to meet. Felt really bad but I would feel even worse if I didn’t get my butt to Melaka because my mum just posed me with one question which just left me with no chance to overwrite her decision. “Who is more important? You go and think la!”

I would say both but yea..maybe at this point of time, my grandpa. He doesn’t recognise me. Sometimes he does but when my sister and I switched places at the dinner table, he’ll get mixed up and then I’m just a stranger. He doesn’t remember me. Maybe it has got to do with my short hair. Maybe I haven’t been visiting him often. Maybe I’m forgettable.

Grandpa is cute in his own ways. He’s a kid all over again. The quiet kind and a shy one at times. Like suddenly, he’ll say ARIGATO for no reason and then he’ll laugh and we will laugh. He’s in his room most of the time.

The only time I went out was to Jonker Street on Saturday night. I love Jonker Street but I didn’t have the chance to really “walk” the street because Mum only went to a specific shop and then said we’re done. Iris and I, we wanted to explore and do some window shopping but *sigh*.

We were dependent on my cousin for transport so there wasn’t really much I can do. I spent the whole Sunday in front of the telly. Starworld was showing Desperate Housewives Season 3 marathon so Iris and I entertained ourselves by watching that practically the whole afternoon until I felt like vomiting.

Again, because we had to rely for transportation back to KL, cousin was driving so I only reached KL at 12 midnight due to traffic jam along the KL-Seremban highway because of a car accident and the rain.

When I reached home, it felt like heaven and I found my sanity again because while I was in grandpa’s house, I sort of felt like I lost the purpose of life because I have cousins who looked to me, they have no purpose of life. Well, their purpose is kinda weird and it is hard for me to digest and I feel like I live in a problematic environment and it just affects me. The only reason why we always go back there is because of my grandpa.

Tiring day at work. Following 2 days will be tiring as well. I’m supposed to pack tonight because I’m flying close to midnight on Wednesday to somewhere nice! But I must write at least one entry after a few days, else I tak boleh tidur. I will be working on Wednesday as well even though a normal person would maybe take a day off so that it wouldn’t be so tiring. Well, due to the project’s tight time line, I just don’t have the heart to just take more days off.

I tell you, this is a penyakit because there would be one day, I’ll be thinking back of why I worked so hard when I should just enjoy when I should, just that few days, and then get back to reality again. Another reason is that I’m still new and under probation, I mean I should smile they are even letting me go on leave. But then they had to let me go too even if they didn’t allow me to because I just had to take some days off. OK, before I start talking nonsense..I’ll put this topic to rest.

Writer will be off to Japan. This might be a once in a lifetime trip to Japan. One of my dream destinations. The best part is I do not have to pay for it. That’s why it’s good to be Daddy’s girl. It’s our annual family trip. Pappy would always make sure we go somewhere every year and I’m just glad Iris is travelling with us.

We, the sisters, have already pledge to make time for each other every year to travel once she gets a job in UK. Just the two of us. When you grow older, you have fewer friends. As in fewer friends that really stick with you through thick and thin. Some friends that are close to you, will be staying far away and then you got to find new friends that stay nearer to you. Whenever I see a friend, I will grab him/her and try not to lose sight of them.

I now have friends in the office that I go to the toilet with. We actually set a time to go to the toilet together. This is also a penyakit but a good one I suppose. Should they plan to leave the company, I’m going to be back to zero. So God, please make them stay.

I really need to go now. If I don’t have the time to write tomorrow, wait till I come back from my holiday alright?

Cheers.

I came back today after dinner with Iris and then drop dead straight on the sofa and slept for an hour. Yea, I was that tired.

Had a late night last night as I went to the movies after work with Iris. Do you know that I’m killing off bit by bit of her cravings and to-do-list in Malaysia before she goes back to the UK? So, one of the things listed in her to-do-list is to watch a movie with me. The last time we did that was to watch Ratatoulie last year. Yesterday night we went for “Dance of the Dragon” starring Singaporean Fann Wong and Korean Jang Hyuk and Jason Scott Lee. Nice! It is the kind of movie that allows you to just sit back and absorb the mood, emotions, script.

Moving at some parts which made me cry one or two drops, and suddenly it will also remind me of the missing boyfriend who is treating me like I’m non-existent. I like this kind of movie because it helps to release stress in a way. When you watch a movie and you cry a bit, you feel so very good after that. I got home at midnight and slept at about 1am, which explains why I jumped straight onto the sofa today after work and slept! But it did help to cure the soul a little. At least, I felt better today, about work, about life, about everything.

Watching movies can inspire, motivate you at times. 🙂