Why He So Like That?

When it comes to problems, be it a problem at work, problem with the car, or now problem with my teeth, I think I can still handle it. But when it comes to problem in relationship, especially one that I’m in now, sometimes I just wished I know how to deal with the boyfriend.

He is giving me more pain than the braces is giving me. In fact, after I came back from the dentist on Saturday, I came home and gave a good cry because I didn’t know what else to do to make him talk to me. About a month ago, he asked me for dinner but he later had to postpone it to the next day. However, on the following day, there was no sign of him. No one answering the phone. No one replying to my SMS.

I often wonder why guys treat me like shit.

I only heard from him a week after that, only to find out his aunt passed away, after I spammed call him.  Do you get angry or sympathetic? I don’t know which I should feel.

This shitty feeling has been dragging on for a few months now.

I also have problems that I cannot share with you which makes it even harder. Anyway, today I spammed call again when I was driving home because I was just so angry.

No reply. No answer.

When I finally got home after work, I saw him on YM and I messaged him. No reply wor. So I just tembak with, “If you are a man, please answer me.”

The next thing I knew, he appeared right in front of my house door. I really hate using ways like that to talk to him but I really don’t know what else I can do. I have been sending him SMSed acting macam priest, macam counsellor, macam beggar, macam lover yang dah buntu jalan. So I did what I did and I know it will work because he’s too ego a man to admit he’s not a man. So he die die also must appear.

When I saw him standing at the door, I was happy for maybe a few seconds. When I opened the door and I see him standing in front of me, the first thing I wanted to do is to PUNCH HIM REAL HARD. AKU GERAM LAH!!!!! TERSANGAT TERAMAT GERAM! GOD.

Let’s just see what he will do next. And I am very sure, I am no longer the Gracie that he knows. Since being kind, nice and understanding doesn’t help, I’m not going to give a shit anymore.

Tomorrow will go on just life should move on. I have been trying to get on with mine without thinking about him all the time or focusing of how bad my love life is. Although he has definitely ruined the kind of love and relationship I really would like to have with someone, I will still try to hope that one day, I might just find the right man to settle down with. And should I not be able to meet that someone, well…

Do you know that whenever I see a loving couple, I envy them very much. And if you’re happily in a relationship now, all I can tell you is you are blessed and so very lucky. It may seem simple for others but it hasn’t been entirely easy for me.

It is hard writing this because when you want something so much and it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to be, you have to face the real thing that is happening. I hate to write bad things about people that I love. I don’t know if I still love him because he’s certainly doing things that make me hate him day by day but I do wonder where I get all the patience and energy to actually wait and hope that he could just turn around, look at me, talk to me and just love me.

Now that I’m done crying, it’s time for bed because my braces are sleepy. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.