Category: Life

I was all cool yesterday. Not knowing what else to prepare, I told myself I’m just going to go with the flow and be natural. I’m just going to talk the best I can.

Today when I pushed the button in the lift, my heart started pounding fast. Okay…finally the panic sets in and I was beginning to feel nervous already. And to make things worse, I suddenly have a phlegm stuck in my throat of all time but now.

I think I did well and gave my all.

Good news came later in the day. I can’t help but to smile a little but was controlling not to smile too much.

I’m very thankful for the opportunity today and can’t help but feel a sense of relief after all the hustle and bustle from the past few weeks.

Went for Korean class yesterday after stopping for a week as I was in Melaka. I haven’t been revising for the last 2 weeks because of the unexpected events that turned my usual routine upside down. Feeling a little pressured on Friday prior to class the next day but I got to tell myself language learning can’t be measured in that way.

Had another session of speaking class at night and I enjoyed it. At least, I’m learning to create conversation.

Home alone today. Did some reading. Started another Korean drama – Secret Garden. Watched 4 episodes today and cleaned house in between. Steamed corn with the Buffalo cooker for the first time. Just 2 tablespoon of water, a pinch of salt, put in the 2 corn on the cob, peeled and cleaned of course, set time to 17 minutes. Mum says 15 minutes is enough but I just like the number 7 hence 17.

Finished the 2 corn at one go…and I’m a happy girl.

I received an SMS beginning of the week and expected the worst.

The next day I received a call with bad news. I expecting it coming anyway, just didn’t know the content of it.

I walked back to my workstation, sat down and trying to digest what I just heard.

For a split moment, the tears welled up a little but they quickly went back because I told them to.

This thing had me stressed for like 2 weeks and in the end, it just vapourised, vanished into thin air.

I guess this is not meant to be and I have moved on since but I just wanted to write this down.

I just got back from an awesome Melaka trip with a friend and 7 other new friends which I came to know from the trip. It made me see Melaka in a different perspective, got to know a little more of its history despite being there many times already. Visited places which if I were to go myself, I wouldn’t have thought about going or knew it existed.

I enjoyed the tour in the Cheng Ho Cultural Museum. The lady did her job well in explaining the events, objects and happenings relating to Cheng Ho. Visited a model conservation project at Heeren Street. Bought a novel “Malacca – A Romance” from the same model shophouse. Jonker Street. Had laksa at Calanthe Art Cafe which also serves 13 states’ coffee of Malaysia. I didn’t try their coffee there because I was too  tired to risk not having enough sleep for another night but bought a box of coffee with 13 states’coffee sachet to try at home..so I’ll have my little coffee journey around the 13 states whenever I feel like it.

Bought 2 souvenir magnets depicting the Peranakan/Baba-Nyonya culture at Malaqa Museum. Had chicken rice ball at Chung Wah. Portuguese-style baked fish at Portuguese Settlement was good. The mille crepe at Nadeje Cake House, Dataran Pahlawan was nice. Went to the Baboon House and walked around the garden towards the back of the shop and saw a very pretty dog. The kind that exudes charm and kindness from its eyes, telling you that you can share your problems and it is all ears. At least that’s how I felt..

Cheng Hoon Teng temple. Masjid Kling from the outside. Sri Poyatha Moorthi Temple (oldest Hindu temple in Malaysia) from the outside…and we stayed just opposite it at Cheng Ho Guest House.

Managed to clear my mind over the weekend and not think about work. But now that I’m back. The stress is back so before I take on the world again, I wanted to just write this post. I think half of my stress is self-inflicted as I tend to think far beyond what is necessary. I just think that it’s better to think long term sometimes so that I’m aware of the different possibilities if it happens but then again, it may not even reach that far for certain things so I may just be worrying over nothing. There are too much ambiguities and uncertainties floating around my mind and I don’t like uncertainties.

I saw a t-shirt while walking around little shops in Melaka that says…

Things To Do Today

1. Get up

2. Survive

3. Go back to bed

I’d like to start surviving now.

It did not end with the body cream.

Today I went to pump petrol. Upon paying at the cashier and instead of pumping petrol, I got into the car, started the engine, drove an inch ahead and then I realised I haven’t pump petrol.

I talked out loud to myself. What is wrong me. what is wrong with me.

This is bad. I’m just too stressed to think sanely. I need a holiday.

We ran out of shower gel and I saw one that Mummy bought a long time ago from a warehouse sale. Unwrapped the packaging and placed it in the bathroom.

The next day my sister got to bathe first and she didn’t realise anything wrong with it.

When I bathed, I just felt weird that the shower cream wasn’t lathering….no bubbles or whatever…very moiturising..and then I looked closely at the label. It says BODY CREAM.

I was laughing to myself in the bathroom.

I’ve gone nuts.

I can’t believe it’s going to be August soon.

I was hoping the crazy 2-weeks would end but there has been some change of events so there’s definitely another crazy week I’ll have to go through. I just feel that things are going at a pace that’s too fast for me but I’m coping.

I spent the day doing nothing particularly important. I don’t know why I’d feel guilty not doing anything productive on a weekend. My mind is telling me I should do something, like house chores, learn something, study, read something but I’ve been glued to my monitor watching this Korean drama. It feels good to just watch because it takes my mind away from all the heavy stuff. But at the same time, I’m also feeling I’m wasting my time by just watching it.

Oh please kill me already.

Today for me is just like a pause button. Wanting the world to stop spinning for awhile. Just want myself to just not think about anything and just let myself rest for awhile. However, it plays by itself occasionally when one of those heavy stuff keeps popping into my mind.

Oh please kill me again.

One thing I’ve learnt is that I’m not learning enough.

There are new things that I need to learn. There are also things that I already know but don’t know good enough.

I have never been the kind of person who has a career plan all mapped out for the next 5 years. So whenever I’m being asked “What are your career goals, what do you see yourself in the next 5 years?”, I shudder.

But I think I shouldn’t avoid it anymore and should really think about it because I’m no longer at the stage where I’m lost and not know which path or field of work I’d like to be in. I’ve worked on 3 entirely different role for the past 6 years. I am still glad I made the move to change because though it took time for me to explore, I knew what I didn’t like and what I like. It may change with time, maybe I’d do something completely different from what I’m doing now…but it’s safe to say I’m fine with what I’m doing now.

It’s so easy to get comfortable with where I am now but the question is “Am I learning anything new? Am I growing?”

I will need to do some soul-searching and answer those questions. And before I let the last half of 2011 zoom by, I better make sure I grow and develop myself.