Category: Life

I was very pleased with my cooking progress last week. I cooked 4 out of the 5 weekdays. Tried new recipes. Yes, it amazes me too. This week…I kinda gotten lazy because I’ve got too much things on my mind to actually have the time to think and plan of what to cook.

Been sick the past two days too.

I’m back into my worried and panic mode again. Mummy’s coming soon and knowing her, I got to make sure the house is in tip-top condition when she arrives. Come to think of it, I only have tomorrow night. HAHA!!! I think I can do with vacuum, mop, quick toilet clean, quick hiding things behind cupboards. I used to really hate cleaning because I just think cleaning the house takes a LONG time. I used to dislike cleaning because I think cleaning kills my brain cells. Now that I’ve done it almost every week, the most once fortnightly, it is becoming a routine and I’m getting faster at doing it.

I’m excited that Mummy is coming but at the same time feel stressed. 😀

I’ve never been so engrossed and so into following the news. The recent Japan earthquake and tsunami has got me reading the news many times in a day. I even watched CNN for 2 hours on Sunday which I won’t usually do on a normal day. The news and stories are serious, sad but at the same time, inspiring, heartwarming and touching when I read about how the Japanese are coping in the face of adversity.

It reminds me that we are lucky to be free of natural disaster and life is short.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Japan.

I’ve never really come up with a budgeting plan and track down every little expenses until half a year ago. I have been forcing myself to record in spreadsheet each time I spend so that I keep track of where my money goes to. I spend on food and I want to know how much. I spend on petrol and I want to know how much. I started this way long ago but never had the consistency to keep it going. I’ll either be tracking for the first half of the month then I slowly die away. I’m pleased to say my January expenses track list is somewhat a complete one. It’s not that hard now to record the expenses. In fact, it’s slowly becoming a habit for me.

The reason why I’m dying to do this is because I find it harder to save. I think I was able to save more with the starting salary I had 5 years ago as compared to now even though my salary is higher than that of 5 years ago. So, you see…something is not right and I don’t like the feeling and thought of it. It could be that I spend more on little luxuries (monthly facial and so on) but if you ask me, monthly facial is no longer a luxury, it’s compulsory. As much as I would like to save a big chunk of my income, I wouldn’t want to live miserably either. Hence, BUDGETING!!

And so….while I kept track of the past monthly expenses spreadsheets, I never did anything to it until today. I compiled the data…and I’m thinking maybe I should show it in percentage or in a pie chart of the slices of different categories of expenses. What is necessary, what is not. What can be reduced. What I can do away with. What I should take note of and so on. Honestly, I don’t like the data I’m seeing now. The total expenses of some months is close to the total income, which actually means I don’t get to save much and I cannot allow myself to live like this anymore.

The only good thing about this is…it wakes me up. It opens my eyes to where my money goes to and I need to ask myself if I still want money to go away like that. I also seriously think that I need a side income, if what I want is more than just save but to save and have money to invest. This will be a learning process. If I have a clear overview of my spending habits then I guess I won’t feel overwhelmed and keep thinking why I’m always broke.

Gracie…towards financial freedom. Now, sleep!

Hi Bunny,

I’ve not talk to you for a long time and hope you’re doing well above. This is a rabbit year and it reminds me of you.

This is a very different CNY for me in so many ways. I think and ponder a lot about things that are not happening yet but issues that will definitely happen in the future.

You may be laughing at me but I’m thinking of how and where I should celebrate CNY once I get married. I’m not quite sure if I’m ready of not celebrating CNY in sandakan when that day comes. I think it’s best I get someone from the same hometown so that I can be near home during CNY.

A guy confessed to me just the other day. It has been so long, Bunny. So long since someone tells me he likes me in person. I have to give him bunny points for having the courage to tell me in person. But the thing is I’m no longer the person I used to be. I think too much with my head now that my heart’s kinda cold. It’s because I used to think too much with my heart and got hurt pretty bad.

Anyway, I guess we’ll just remain as friends for now because I really don’t feel the same like he does.

Work wise, I still like what I’m doing but I think I can do with trying out something new. I hope this new, small project I’m trying my hands on will lead me to many more good things.

For the first time, I really really want to own a house. I don’t think it’ll be achievable now but I want to walk down that path. I will have to think of ways to grow my money. Whether or not I’m going to have a partner to share it with me, I really want to buy a house, make it mine and make it a home i’ve always wanted.

Above all, I’m grateful for whatever that has been bestowed over me. I may sound long-winded but I really think I should count my blessings and not take things for granted.

I’m going to carpool to work from tomorrow onwards, you can say it’s a part of being green, economical and I hope it’ll work out well.

Going to get myself ready for bed. I’ve also not been sleeping with any aircon since I came back. I think it’s not too bad.

Feeling a little hungry too. I’ve not eaten a full proper meal for the last 3 days. Tummy is still weak from food poisoning but I want to be well so that I can eat up this Chap Goh Meh.

Sarangheyo!

What I think is the most boring CNY I’ve ever had is slightly turning for the better. I have been eating but not with a very good appetite. I’m seeing that I’m eating more now that I’m in Kota Kinabalu, with no horrible rain or too much sun. Mum said I looked stressed and tired until last night, she said I looked good.

I’m typing this from a very nice hotel room, clad in pyjamas and topping it off with a bathrobe. Alone and enjoying the peace. This is the first solitude moment I’ve had since the last 10 days. I enjoy moments like these.

Mum called me from Sandakan while I’m in KK, saying there’s lion dance performance at the basketball court in front of my house. Kills me. If I had known, I would have taken a later flight to KK. It’s weird they are having it on a week day afternoon! Oh well, I hope I can get to see some lion dance while I’m in KK.

Mummy has been telling me it has been raining heavily for 2 days but I didn’t know how bad it was until I got home. When we departed from LCCT, it was raining. When I landed at Sandakan airport, it was raining too. And since then, it has been raining ever since so I’ve not seen the sun since I came back.

Reading the news, looking at photos makes me feel a little sad. I’ve not seen my hometown this way before. The amount of rain has caused floods, landslides, and lives of a few. Was without water supply for 2 days already and with that, we had to implement our contingency plan like we always do when there is no water supply. Luckily there’s rain for us to store water and we have been using rain water for toilet flushing. I’m glad that the electricity at my housing area is fine. It’s quite a norm thing here to always have no electricity or water or both at the same time. It has gotten better now compared to years before but I think it can still be improved.

Have mostly been staying at home, unless when we need to go out for meals. Hoping for better weather for days to come. At least, I hope to see the sun shining on Chinese New Year day.

Catching a glimpse of another plane flying pass amidst the clouds while I’m on the plane. What are the odds?

I cannot believe January is going to end soon and February is just a hop away!

The beginning of 2011 has been a pretty busy one for me. It feels like I’ve done so much in a month compared to many months combined in one last year. I have a long list of errands to complete and it seems never-ending. My spring cleaning project for CNY is not done yet and I doubt I can get it done completely so tomorrow I need to jot down the most important ones and do it really quickly…so that the major parts are taken care of. Some things still need to be arranged and stored nicely…but since time does not permit, I’m just going to make sure it gets stored at least so that it’s not spread on the floor.

Despite that, I’m very proud and pleased with the progress and how much I’ve done. I’ve never really had this desire and motivation to really want to spring clean the house in a big way. The previous year, I keep feeling like I’ve never put in enough effort so this year, I just want to give my house some love. The clutter took time to grow so I just told myself it takes time to declutter too so I shouldn’t feel that bad if I can’t finish it in a short time. What’s important is I keep doing it and sooner or later, I will achieve my goal.

There is one part of the dining area that has been an eye sore for me. Now I smile just looking at my dining area, every single time, for the past few days.

Tomorrow is going to be my last day of work before I go on holiday. 2 WEEKS OFF!!!

This CNY will be different because it’s my last one spent as being in the 20s. Next year, I’m going to hit the big 30, which means I seriously need to get a boyfriend/husband. More friends are not coming back to my hometown for CNY. They are either married or attached so you see…like I said..as you grow older, CNY changes. I’m going to treasure this CNY, spend quality time with my parents and friends whom I’ll get to see when I go back.

When I come back, I wanna feel refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world again. In fact, my new year resolution of learning a new language will happen after CNY. Then, it’s time to re-think if I should stay or move on to new challenges and environment. I need to be more savvy in financial planning. I just want to do things that I want to do while I still can.

I wish you a safe and happy trip home this Chinese New Year.

You know…sometimes I wish we had a subject called “Financial Planning” in school. If only we had that, I think it would save people from lots of headaches and problems. I wished there were more information readily available and knowledge being shared on how to save, how to manage your money, how to handle your loans, how they affect you, what are the processes like, what are the situations you’ll meet if you do or don’t do certain things, how to invest.  The only thing I learnt in school  is menabung. I used to enjoy dropping coins into my piggy bank…well it was a camel, maybe I should call it camel bank. That’s about it. I did not grow up like how my others friends did, in terms of having allowance when you go to school.

I don’t have the 50 cents that I can go to the canteen to buy things with. I just didn’t had any. It wasn’t necessary because Mummy would pack food for me to be eaten during recess. I didn’t had to go to the canteen. I had no clue how to get a hot steaming bowl of noodle from the primary school canteen, how much it cost and I was always awed by looking others scrambling through the crowd to get that bowl of noodle.

Coming to think of it, I don’t even know how I got the coins to be dropped into my camel bank. I guess they are loose change from my parents. Although I didn’t get daily, weekly or monthly allowance back then, I think my parents’s form of allowance to me and my sister is in the form of saving for us. It is only when you are older that you appreciate how thoughtful they are in looking into the future for you. I am definitely going to do the same for my kids even if they can only feel the real meaning to it when they turn 29.

I went to Bank Negara yesterday to get my credit report. I never knew what a credit report is. I didn’t even know there is a self-service kiosk that you can get the report from. It was a friend’s friend that is facing a similar situation I’m in that wanted to share with me what he knows and what I should know so that I don’t get into unwanted situations. I knew what I could get myself into even if I wasn’t the one putting myself intro trouble. This has been troubling me for years now. No matter how bleak it looks now and how stagnant it is and how helpless I am because someone is not responding and thinking problems will just evaporate by ignoring what is going on, disregarding my pleas, I am still hopeful and I know I will get this solved one day.

It was also this friend that kind of pushed me into solving this. I’ve never had the courage because I was lost and I didn’t know what to do. I was very afraid. I was just waiting and waiting, hoping I’ll get to meet someone who I can share this with and this person will go through this with me. It’s been years so I think I should just stop hoping someone will be my my side to go through this with me together. Whether or not that’s going to happen, it is still my problem and I should be one to braved through it no matter how it sucks. I didn’t want to share with too many people because it was a very stupid thing I did out of kindness but really…I don’t think it’s kindness anymore when people take you for granted and puts you into such miserable situation when it all started with you with the only intention to help but ending up getting into shit. I’m neither here nor there.

I’ve forced myself and pushed myself to just take that first step to do something. Just make a call and so I did, the last week. The problem isn’t solved but at least I know what I’m into. What are the possible solutions and what I can do for now. In some way, I feel better because I have an idea of what it is about compared to maybe 2 years ago. I told my friend if she knew how I was feeling now with all these. She said she knows, I must be feeling terrible. Then I told her, yes but I also feel like I’m an investigator and police detective. I have never used so much my my brains and my heart and my tears and my fears into one thing, I don’t even know how to describe it. There are mornings and they are also nights that I’ll be thinking about it for a long time before I go to bed or before I get up from the bed.

In fact, I’m glad I’m still alive. Whatever it is, whether or not I like it, this is what is happening now so I don’t want to be afraid anymore. This is indeed a test but Gracie, as long you keep trying, I’m sure the light will come.

Through this all, I discovered I am the kind of person who whenever possible will not get help from others. I want to try, try and try to solve it by myself before asking. Sometimes, I think I should learn to get help. I have this thinking that if I get help from others without even trying it by myself, I’m not doing enough on my part first in order to have the privilege to get help from others. I think there is a need for me to help others whenever I can but it’s ok and I allow myself to suffer in silence in certain situation and knowing no one will ever know if I don’t announce it to the world. But I’m like that but I’m also trying to allow others to help me. This is also happening at work. I’m the only one doing what I do…so I’m sinking into this habit of becoming very very independent. Not by choice but the situation is such that I have to be that way. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or bad but I have to manage what I have on the plate, I make sure I see things through because there is no one else who would take care of it but me. I have this drive and motivation to keep things in control, I want my work to be done well. In short, at the end of the day, I want to go home, feeling I’ve done my best everyday at work.