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It has been an “eventful” week.

I got a flat tyre just two days ago.

Yesterday, he told me the Bali trip will have to be postponed, which was such a fantastic piece of news, I exploded. I’ve booked the air tickets, 3 months ago, booked the hotel, booked the spa, and planned of places that I’ll be visiting..and this is what I get.

He was saying he just changed to a new job and he couldn’t take leave and he can only take leave in June…and that itself, it’s not confirmed. The purpose of me going to Bali because I won a 3D2N Complimentary hotel stay and it’s not going to be valid until June.

Words just cannot describe how I feel. Before even booking the air ticket, I double checked with him if the dates are okay. A few weeks before this, I reminded him to check if his passport is still valid and reminded him about the trip. It was all OKAY…until yesterday.

And in a sudden burst of anger, I actually told him I’m going with another guy, even though I wasn’t. And the reply which I expected to come from him, came out exactly as I thought. He said GO AHEAD. Of course, he was angry. And when he told me that, I was at work. And I had to disguise like nothing is happening. Can’t be crying on my desk. Went to the toilet and tried SO VERY HARD not to let that tear drip. Came out from the toilet but it was still lingering in my eyes and I forced myself not to cry.

I would appreciate very much if you do not ask me about the details or what I’m going to do about this Bali trip, not because I do not like to talk to you but I’m tired of explaining and by asking me why, you remind me of the pain and disappointment which I wish to bury. But should you choose to mention about it because you think you care about me so much, I will choose to ignore you.

I’m pissed. Yes.

Very.

Pissed.

Sometimes I ask myself I should be angry with him who’s busy working and focusing on his career. I’m not the kind who would demand or force someone to quit from a job that he likes to tailor specifically to my needs. I would just you know leave you if I think I cannot accommodate anymore. It’s getting so hard that I’m sad to a point where it begins to numb the heart. But maybe it’s good that way, because by then, it won’t know it hurts anymore.

My current and past relationships have never been smooth-going. I do wonder and ask how many cycles of heartbreak that I would need to go through before I could actually settle down. All these heartbreaks somehow turned me into a different person, it seems so impossible to become the person I would like be. I don’t trust easily anymore. I worry more than usual. I don’t even feel like loving.

I had to wait till Mum is asleep before writing this so that she wouldn’t see me cry. She has been giving me a mountainful of pressure too about this whole relationship thingy. Taking that pressure itself is just as tough. Understand why she’s acting the way she is. She’s worried about me. She wants someone to take care of me so that she feels better. But sometimes I wish she could actually understand how I feel too. She has never been fond of any of my boyfriends which is why I also think it’s impossible for me to be with someone who fulfil all her requirements. And as always, I go against her, which isn’t helping much really…

Talking about the flat tyre, I didn’t even felt like calling the boyfriend to tell him about it…or asking him to ask for help. I just decided to take things to my own hands and solve it on my own. I only messaged him after that to tell him, I’VE GOT A FLAT TYRE BUT I’VE SOLVED IT.” Understand what I’m talking about? I’m no longer the same person I used to be.

Charlene, thank you for making the call today. Appreciate it so much lah! Felt so much like flapping my wings to Aussie (if I had one) to give you a smooch.

I hope I’ll do well. I need this.

Some people are certainly driving me nuts and driving me up the wall!

My mood for the past few days is best described as a drastically-ascending-and-descending-line graph.

And now I’m angry with myself for forgetting my bunny’s death anniversary which fell on April 17.

After depositing a few resumes during the recent career fair, I actually got a phone call 2 days after the fair ended and the next thing I know, I went for an interview today. It was too fast, it’s scary. Hehe.

Took half day on today for an interview session in the morning. Took me an hour to reach the place because there was an accident and thus the traffic jam. I was praying very hard in the car so that I’ll get to the interview venue on time, after seeing that I had to wait for at least 4 traffic lights to go green before my car could actually pass that stupid traffic light.

And when I got there, I was driving in circles because I was looking for the exact building. And when I finally found it, I parked my car at the open space parking area (thinking I got very lucky) and went right up for the interview.

As I was sitting down, someone entered the office and asked if I was here for an interview. She asked if my car plate number is so and so and claimed that I was parking at her slot. I apologised and then hurried down to re-park my car and contacted HR that I’ll be another 10-15 minutes late. The thing is that there wasn’t any reserved word painted on the parking box or any car plate number sign hanging around. It was just an open space parking so it was just impossible for someone new to actually know the parking belongs to someone. Whatever it is, I know she was pissed. But so am I.

I then looked for a parking further up. There was some space but it was a bit too far to actually walk from there. I settled with parking at a building opposite to where I was going for interview. I was late already and that was the best available choice then.

I sat for a test and then waited to be interviewed. I was asked whether I was interested in a position which I wasn’t told of earlier. I wasn’t so someone else from another team came in after that to interview me. I was starting to feel cold, bored and restless when I waited for about 30 minutes, staring into blank wall and my clear folder before the interviewer came.

The interview didn’t went well and I thought it was quite a disgrace too because for the first time, I actually had to say, “I’m sorry. I don’t know the answer.” when I was thrown a few technical questions. I really felt so bad. And from then on, my voice sounded like it’s stuck in the throat, I began to feel small and suddenly I just wasn’t interested anymore.

After the interview, went to take my car and guess what? A car was parked very near to mine. My car was parked vertically next to a pillar and the other car parked horizontally next to a wall behind of my car..which isn’t a parking space to begin with. Knew straight away it’s going to be tough reversing out…and as much as I would like to curse, I patiently reversed in and out for at least 6 times till I get the right angle before I safely get my car out of the parking slot.

Drove home and was still trying to come to terms with what happened during the interview awhile ago. I just felt lousy lah and felt like doing crazy things like sticking my face to the wall, walk around the house and talk to myself.

After lunch, I went back to work and suddenly the question came ringing to my head of whether I should just stay put here since it’s safe and relaxed and hassle-free….but I don’t think I’m gonna give up just yet.

I WILL TRY HARDER AND I WILL BE SMARTER THIS TIME.

I’m just tired today. Good night and Gracie, don’t feel too bad. Take this as a learning experience. At least, you managed to reverse your car out today.

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Last Sunday, I spend the entire afternoon watching The Oprah Winfrey Show on Hallmark channel. Pappy is the one who introduced me to watch Oprah many years ago.

“Grace, you must watch this.” That’s what he’ll always say whenever he comes across a very interesting subject showing on Oprah. In fact, I think everything discussed and talked about in Oprah’s show is interesting.

Alright, back to the story. I was watching “Ask Dr Oz” in Oprah. Very educational and informative and there was just so much health tips to learn that I was a little information overloaded. I felt sleepy..went for a nap..and to find that Oprah is still showing. I guess I watched at least 3 hours straight. Hehehe.

Suddenly I’m in love with my sunscreen/sunblock. It’s Skinfood Tomato Sun Cream SPF36 PA++. Tomato contains lypocene and in the test that was conducted on the show, it showed the difference between someone eating tomato paste and someone who doesn’t. Both skin were exposed to UV and results shown that tomato helped in reducing sunburn. So, I’m not going to look at my Skinfood Tomato Sun Cream the same way anymore.

I eat oats now and then but I would like to make it a compulsory breakfast every morning. Started having oats as breakfast 2 days ago, it’s a little bit of pain actually..because oats itself doesn’t taste good..so I had to mix it with milo but that itself isn’t enough to give it a wonderful taste. The oat taste is stronger than the Milo. But, I think I’m already getting used to it so it shouldn’t be a problem. Else, maybe I should go look for some oat recipe to make my mornings a brighter one.

I take oats before I drive home from work sometimes, especially when it rains. A rainy day means heavy traffic day, just like today. In fact, I’ve been feeling rather tired driving for the past 9 days or so. Don’t you feel that there’s just more cars on the road for the whole week? I don’t know where they come from. If I take oats then I don’t get hungry that fast so it’s good for me, when I need to take at least an hour before I can reach home.

Why should we eat oats?

• It helps lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart disease.
• Helps in controlling your weight
• Helps reducing high blood pressure
• Contains lots of vitamins and minerals as well as antioxidants

I’m writing this down to remind myself the goodness of oats so that I don’t cringe at the sight of boring oats.

I’m making baby in Facebook. Faster go bathe! You check it out when you’re free.

Making baby?

Hahahaha.

Sounds like having sex.

I will send an invite to make baby with you.

Later we’ll make a baby.

Hahahaha.

*after bath*

I made a baby liao.

So fast ar?

Cos I’m skillful.

Your baby is cute!

You can invite me to be your baby’s aunt.

How?

Click Home. Click your baby’s picture.

😀

Now that my swollen gum has subsided. My left eye is beginning to swell. It’s like I’m going through a swelling phase.

Went to Mid Valley today for a movie and to have a look at Jobstreet’s Career Fair. It was really crowded and we had to squeeze our way through. Nevertheless, it was interesting. I deposited a few resumes here and there. Will be depositing more when I finish digesting the leaflets I brought back with me today. There are just so many helpdesk, support, customer service jobs around. So, if you love jobs like that, the career fair is a paradise.

Of course, you’ll get the feeling that your resume is just going to disappear to thin air after submitting them because that was the impression I get. But, we should always be hopeful. Aside from having a list of competencies, you need some luck when applying for jobs.

Hokay, my eye is indeed beginning to swell. I should head to bed.