Category: Life

…cannot write today. Must be the after-shock effects.

😀

After crying a bucket, I went to bed. Made a silent prayer while hugging Ducky that he’ll be alright.

I woke up at about 2am. It got me thinking about it again. Shortly after that at 2 something in the morning, he smsed me. And that’s because I SMSed him, telling him he MUST message me when he reached.

I called him immediately after receiving his sms and he must be shocked to find that I’m still awake.

“Where are you?”

“At home.”

“At home?”

Trust me, I almost wanted to faint.

“At my auntie’s house.”

“You have an auntie in Penang?”

“No, I’m in Ipoh.”

Almost wanted to pengsan really but I was actually glad that he’s in Ipoh.

“What was a 2 hour journey actually took me 4 hours because I was sleeping and driving. I’m so tired and so I have to stay in Ipoh before I drive again tomorrow morning.”

At least, he still knows what he’s doing and that there are limitation to certain things like how your body is designed to have enough of rest and not to exert it too much.

After hanging up, I cried some more. Just a little. They are called the tears of relief.

This morning at work, he called and I scolded him nicely. And I mean nicely because you know what? I can scold everyone else but I just don’t know how to scold him. So I went about telling him not to do this crazy stunt anymore. I also told him I was scared and worried sick…it made me cry. He was a little surprised really that I cried. But I don’t care whether he thinks I’m silly or whatever it is, I must let him know that I was indeed worried.

My eyes are so puffy and swollen, I don’t know how I’m going to work tomorrow.

Sometimes I don’t understand why he wants to make me worry so much. He was supposed to leave for Penang today and I would think a normal person who actually choose to drive on a morning or afternoon. This guy, he’s driving right about now..at about 11pm. When he called me just now to tell me he’s driving up alone at this odd hour of the night, I didn’t know what to say. And after hanging up, all the bad things are running through my mind. I am just so capable of thinking of bad things. I don’t know where I get all my imagination sometimes. I just want all the bad thoughts to stop.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry too much and that it’s going to be okay. But just thinking that he has been awake from morning till night and have not gotten any rest and is now going on a 4-5 hour journey, doesn’t allow me not to worry. It just came as a natural reaction and before I knew it the tears were gushing out like a broken pipe.  I don’t know if he knows what he’s doing. And I don’t know what bloody employer he has.

I’m just worried sick, okay? Worried sick.

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Went to Jusco supermarket today to do some groceries. Yesterday itself I felt like boiling green bean soup and also to boil corn cob + tomato + carrot + chicken soup. I was having my lunch at this favourite “chap fan” stall of mine in Dengkil one day, which always serve home-cooked soup and when I drank that corn soup, it made me so happy because I’ve not had that for a quite some time and so I decided to make that soup today.

After coming back home, I started preparing ingredients for both the soup. Green bean was easy. You only need rock sugar, water and green beans. This time, I added pandan leaves for fragrance. I told him to come if he’s free after work for some soup. He told me ABC was his favourite soup…but mine wasn’t exactly ABC since I’m using corn and not potatoes. And so I told him this soup is called EFG.

?????????????????? ???? ?????“?“??????????????

He told me he’s going outstation tomorrow and that’s going to be 2 weeks long. Tried to appear calm and I was okay.

He then left for work and I washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. After that I drank the green bean soup while waiting for Jewel in the Palace to show at 10:30pm. It was a nice feeling drinking the green bean soup. I’ve got some more of it so I’ll be bringing chilled green bean soup tow work tomorrow.

After watching one episode of Jewel in the Palace, I forced myself not to continue with the 2nd episode which is showing back-to-back tonight. It’s 12:24am now and I know if I did watch it, it should have ended by now. But then if I did watch it, I’ll only start writing this entry at 12:30am and I cannot do that.

I actually wanted to go to bed right after the watching one episode but then I started crying again, thinking that he’s going to be away. It isn’t my first two weeks that we won’t be seeing each other but you know somehow I’ll always end up like that. It’s like how I would always cry whenever my mum goes back to Sandakan after staying with me for a period. It is that gap between being attached to someone and being on your own again. That gap..I fear the most. But once I reached the other side of the gap, being used to doing things alone again, I’m fine.

????????????? ????????

I already made up my mind not to call him today because I didn’t want to get upset. So I didn’t and I was happily cooking late lunch when he called. He asked if I’ve eaten. I told him I was cooking. He asked if I have started cooking or I was cooking. I said I was cooking. I asked him why. He said he’s not eaten and said nevermind. How could I just let him go with a nevermind? I said I will eat with him.

Anyway, he packed lunch and we ate together. My steamed egg today was nearly a disaster. I was too confident and I put in too much water, so much that I got to scoop it out half way through the steaming because it just didn’t seem to want to cook. You may not understand what I’m talking about…but when I took it out to the living room to join him with his packed chicken rice lunch, he looked at the steam egg with much disgust and asked me what it is.

I told him this is an ugly steamed egg.

And because I put too much water, there isn’t much taste to it. He shared with me some of his chicken while I ate my steamed egg. He was then scooping the steamed the egg and eating it. I thought he would have called it quits with the first bite. But he took a little bit more after that and I asked him why he was taking some more when he said it looks disgusting.

It actually tastes quite good after a few more bites, said he.

hehehehe

But then, the next time I must produce pretty steamed egg. Please lah, Grace, no more too much water. It’s not like the eggs are thirsty!

When he went back just now at 8:30pm for work, yeah, on a Saturday night, I suddenly feel lost. Happens all the time. You know when you don’t meet for a very long time and then you get to meet and then you say goodbye till you meet the next time, the sudden feeling of loneliness is quite strong. I think I have said I’m feeling lonely for the past one week for many times but then I am and I don’t want to deny it. And because I didn’t want to end up being cranky and all, I quickly took my hula-hoop and hooped for 10 minutes.

And now I’m going to bathe and then I’m going to watch Jewel in the Palace on Wah Lai Toi. A Korean series showing 2 episodes back to back on Saturday and Sunday nights, which is so nice to watch that I MUST watch. Then I’ll be on the bed sleeping and I guess I should be alright.

My plans today was to clean the house but since he came, I didn’t. Maybe that would be what I should do tomorrow.

The traffic jam today was horrible. Took me 2 hours to get home.

In the morning, it was bad too, but luckily my lane wasn’t affected as it happened on the opposite side of the road. The cars came to a standstill from Sunway toll right up to the cable bridge. There was a policeman standing in front of the cars and motorcycles, blocking the road, for someone else to pass by but no Very Important Car was visible at that moment. Everyone was waiting for it. A lady must have felt so impatient and restless, she came out of the car, had a good look in front with cars all piled up and not moving, then got back on to her car.

In the evening, with the rain and all, I inched my way back from Sunway toll onwards, with traffic gradually getting heavier from Puchong. By the time I reach home, it was 8:30pm. I cooked and had dinner ready by 9pm, finished my dinner at 9:30pm.

The last hour at work wasn’t pleasant to me. I was a little pissed in fact..but I do not want to go into details about this. While I was fuming, he called. So, before he could say anything else, I ranted to him. hehehe. I think it’s okay lah since he has been ranting to me the past 2 days. He then told me to drive carefully as it is raining very heavily. That was actually the purpose of his call. To tell me to drive carefully on a rainy day. So, he still cares la.

I’m back to normal and that’s because I’m back to work. When I’m at work, I’m surrounded with people so when I have people around me, I am okay. And I mean people around that I can talk to. I love this neighbour of mine at work, she has said this for a few times today, “Grace, come let’s talk”, “Grace, I’m lazy, let’s talk”, “Grace, I don’t feel like working, talk to me”. heehehe

Today I have been combing my hair for many times and that’s because I was a little uncomfortable with the hairdresser’s comment that he thinks I don’t comb my hair enough because he finds broken hair hidden inside my layer of hair. I on the other hand think that it’s just my hair that is dropping. I comb every morning when I wake up, after I come back home from work and bathed and before I go to bed. I comb at a minimum of 3 times a day. Maybe that is not enough?

I cooked dinner tonight. Recipe: Steamed tofu with dried prawns and fried onions.

The tofu was okay. The dried prawns was okay. The fried onions were pre-fried by my mum before she went back so it’s okay. It was the gravy that wasn’t that okay. Bearable but needs to be improved. It is not tasty enough so I told Mum about it when I called her just now.

A short comparison of how I did it and how my mum would have did it:

My Way

Remove tofu from the small white box (I have not been able to remove it as one piece nicely, it came out as two pieces and then a lot more small pieces just now. This I need to practise.) and placed it onto the plate. Fried the dried prawns till it’s crunchy. The nicest part of me cooking this tonight is not because I wanted to eat tofu, but because I wanted to eat the dried prawns. It would be nicer if it’s minced and punched but I’ve got no time to do all this mincing and punching.

Then I sprinkled the dried prawns above and around the tofu, followed by the fried onions (the one where you fry till it gives you a brown colour). Lastly, I poured in some soya sauce and added a little water to it. I did it this way because that’s how I do it when I steam fish and the gravy actually tasted okay. Steam it and ta da!!!

Her Way

Boil tofu in hot water, take it out and leave it on the plate. Considering that if there is no pre-fried onions, fry the onions and half way through it, pour in the dried prawns and fry it together. The onions takes a longer time to turn brown than for the dried prawns to turn to a solid orange so you don’t fry them together at the same time. Pour some soya sauce into the mixture of dried prawns and fried onions and then pour all of them together on the tofu. No need to steam anymore and ta da!!!

Okay…I will.

I went to have my haircut today and then went to Jusco for shopping. Bought myself a new bathing towel, ironing board cover, water sprayer and some groceries at the supermarket. After having bought the ironing board cover from Jusco Home Centre, the cashier didn’t return to me my Jusco card…which I only found out when I was shopping at the supermarket and I couldn’t find it when I went to pay at the cashier.

The cashier would always ask you for your Jusco card before you pay…so I told her I have it..but I couldn’t find it. And she then didn’t look very pleased when I don’t her I don’t have it..because I couldn’t find it and that the queue is long and I didn’t want the people to wait long.

She got the Jusco card from the lady queuing at the back of me and have my points accumulated into her card. I didn’t mind that since my Jusco card disappeared from me.

I thought very hard after leaving the cashier of where my Jusco card is…and then it suddenly came to my mind that maybe the cashier at Jusco Home Centre still has it. So, I walked there and approached the cashier. And there it was.

Packed lunch, went home, dived onto the sofa and CRIED.

Not because of the Jusco card but again I feel very bored and lonely. It’s very bad when you are out doing something and yet you still feel bored and lonely. I was actually waiting for his call to see if he would call. It’s always me that is calling him every weekend to ask if he’s working or he’s going to be free. This weekend, I am sort of tired of me always calling him and that the answer that I get isn’t the answer that I would like to hear.

When is this spell gonna end? All I want to do is to spend time with him.