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I’m surrounded by loving couples of late, more so today.

Listening to the tone and words used during a phone conversation of one of theirs makes me tickle and smile when I’m focusing on my work.

Another couple was accompanying me back to the car park just now because it was late and they were thoughtful enough to walk me to the car even though it was out of the way. They were holding hands and I was just walking next to them. As I got on to the car, I saw them walking away still holding hands. I have a bittersweet kind of feeling. It’s sweet to look at loving couples but somehow it reminds me that I’m single which is the bitter part.

Was having dinner the night before with 3 girlfriends. It used to be only 2 of the girls who are attached, leaving me and another girl being single. Now, even the girl is attached which left me the only one at the table who is single.

I shall not despair.

I’ve been there before and out of it and I know I’ll be there again but I just don’t know when.

I can watch and repeat this video 100 times or more. Can’t get over the cool dance moves. My latest addiction – Korean boy band, Super Junior.

I’m loving my short-becoming-long hair. My fringe is getting longer too and I’m thinking of a side-weeping fringe. Will see how it goes but as of today, I love how I look.

I’m not being very very nice to a few people. Not that I don’t want to but the heart doesn’t have the capacity to do that yet. Not healed from the wound and I’m trying. I’m still nice to them but not the kind of nice I know I’m capable of. It’s the surface nice and not the in-depth nice like it used to be. I just want to protect my heart a bit. Wait till it’s stronger enough to be really really nice. For as long as I don’t choose to hate them, I think I’m ok.

With all the sick people around and the H1N1 virus flying about, aside from washing my hands when I ought to, I’m in a mood where I just want to eat what I feel like eating. Do what I want to do. Rest when I really should. Work hard like I’m so passionate about the job. I’m really taking one day at a time now because I think I’ve worried too much that there’s practically nothing to worry or I should say worrying about that bit doesn’t help since I’m going to worry about it later and still not know how I will cope with it…so I just thought I shouldn’t worry about it now and worry about it later as and when it comes.

And I want to learn to say no. It’s daunting at first because it feels like being the bad person but in order to keep myself sane, that’s the only way to go. I can’t be saying yes to all that I come across. It doesn’t matter what others think. At the end of the day, when I collapse or die, don’t think anyone would even remember or care what they used to think about me. I must treat myself better.

SJ. SuJu. Super Junior. I like.

Good night!

My lovely friends, you must visit this site – “15 Malaysia” and check out the films. It’s under “Films“, 2 are released so far, the others will be released soon. I just watched the short film by Yasmin Ahmad and it’s very deep and it requires you to think. Not everyone will get the message..but reading the comments help. So if you’ve watched it and you want to know more about the moral of the film, read the comments in Chinese here.

Or read the translated version in English by someone named LKY here.

I can’t wait to see the other films.

Foot massage was awesome. So awesome I want to sleep now.

Yes, you are looking at a new theme. And yes, it’s not looking purple (well, not yet!)

I liked the previous theme and I wanted to edit and add something to it but it was complicated to tweak. I don’t quite understand those codes, it came with things that I didn’t need and it’s a waste of time trying to figure which codes to keep and which codes should stay. I needed something simple, something clean to tweak on. So, I decided to start fresh again. This one seems okay…and I’ll slowly turn it purple. So, this is also one way to declutter my life online. 😛

I’ve cancelled my Friendster account too. So long, farewell.

I’m a night owl for these 2 nights. I can’t stop reading online, and now tweaking this site. It keeps me dazzle and very alive when I do changes to this blog of mine. It’s like my 2nd life. But I would have to force myself to go to bed now…or else it will never end.

I need to force myself to clean the house again tomorrow.

Someone accompanied me to dinner today. I was going to eat alone anyway so it was nice to know that someone had time to spare and asked if I had time to spare too.

Received a comment today that I’m very quiet from someone who’s loud. I can tell you many people have problem with quiet people. It’s less of a problem if people are talkative. As always and like I’ve said it a million times, I am always trying to talk more. But you know what? If you are quiet by nature, you are just going to be quiet by nature. I can force myself to talk more even when I don’t like it, even when I don’t feel the need to, but the thing is…I don’t feel comfortable and I just don’t feel like I’m myself.

It’s a daily battle for me, especially when you work with exceptionally extroverted people. I have no problem with that. The problem is they think I have a problem, when I really do not have. I will ask when I’m unclear. I will voice out when I’m not satisfied, maybe not immediately. It’s just that I don’t always ask all the time because I prefer spending time alone to think over the problems and possible solutions before I ask, when I know I won’t get the answer within me.

Anyway, I didn’t feel like going home after dinner so I loitered at the bookstore till it closed.

Books make me happy. They will never betray.

My book was there waiting for me so I picked it up, found a chair to sit on and indulge for an hour. I feel so at peace with myself, so happy. It’s weird but it’s true. I think I’m going to spend more hours at the bookstore when I have the time. There is so much to learn by just reading. It can be just about any subject of any book and it’ll bring me a smile if I think it’s funny or I go…hmmm if it strikes a chord. Best of all, it’ free (unless except I find a book I cannot resist and I must bring it home with me). Today there wasn’t such book because that book was too expensive, which is another reason why it keeps making me go back to finish reading it.

I came home, called Mum as usual. Oh, before I forget, Iris was awarded “Employee of the Month”. If you’re reading this, I’m so proud of you.

Then, I kept listening to this song. It feels nice and calm on a night like this, with my hair tied up into a ponytail and enjoying the solitude. It’s 2:07am. Time for bed.

Thank you God for blessing me with some nice people at work to balance off the not-so-good people at work. I know it’s not a perfect world so I appreciate every kind person I come across. To those that have once been kind and now decide not to be kind anymore, I”ll let them be whoever they choose to be.

Went to the bookstore today after work because I’ve been wanting to get my hands on this book. Not the kind that I want to buy it, I just want to touch it. Haha. I found it tucking silently at the bottom rack and I was so happy to see it there. I hope it’ll still be there tomorrow because I’m going to the bookstore again after work, to absorb some wisdom and knowledge.

What I find myself doing a lot lately. Read and eat. Not kidding. It’s like I’m forever hungry these days.

Looking forward for tomorrow. It’s Friday and I am so going to rock the world. Picked what I’m going to wear. So simple and so very nice. ehehe.

Thank You for giving me the ability to heal!

🙂

I got my credit card bill for this month and I really like the figure that I’m seeing. It’s WAYYYY lesser than the months before this.

Good Gracie! Keep up the good work!

…in the morning and I’m still wide awake. I know I’ll be in deep shit tomorrow. Maybe it’s the milk tea I had during dinner. Tried to sleep for the past 1 hour but my eyes are shimmering happily in the dark. Blame it on the caffeine!

Did I regret having that milk tea? No. It was the best tasting milk tea I’ve had in a long time. It comes with a price though. But there is nothing that I can do now…so I might as well live with it and enjoy the serenity with my lappie on my lap, in the room, covered with blanket and a comforter, with Ducky hiding somewhere beneath it, suffocating for breath or perhaps enjoying the darkness under the blanket…while little Foo Foo looks on, guarding me, as always.

Had dinner with a friend today. I appreciate all dinner dates that I have. It’s better than coming home with a mind that starts wondering into places it shouldn’t go to. In fact, I had a feeling that I wanted to walk the mall till it closes and continue walking outside of the mall and enjoy the breeze (or haze) before I head home.

Just when I thought the night will go by peacefully, something popped up to disrupt the peace. This is a test, to see if I’ll be falling back into the trap that I’ve been trying to get out from or stand strong regardless how illogical or how nonsensical it is. Sometimes you don’t need to understand why because when you think you know the answers to it, it appears again as though like you never know the answers to it. It wastes your time and effort, killed many of your brain cells in the process. People couldn’t care less about how you feel and they are carrying on with their lives so happily whether or not you are happy or sad. So, Gracie, why dwell in this utter madness?

The best thing I’ve heard for the day, “Gracie, you can do better than this.”

It’s 3:42am and I’m still awake. Let’s do a quick thankful list and hope it will do me some good.

Thank you for the phone call. Thank you for giving me the strength to carry on. Thank you for the laughter at work today. Thank you for the compliments. Thank you friend! Last but not least, thank you milk tea!

Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waiting for me
It’s far beyond the stars,
It’s near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon