Category: Life

I was dying for the working hours to come to an end today. I just so wanted to have the weekend approach.

Went dinner with friends and had a very good laugh. It’s been so long since I’ve laughed like that in a restaurant. It was then followed by a movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Go watch it, okay? I’ve read the book, watched the movie today and I just feel like reading the book again.

Some scenes reminds me of the long-gone him and how I used to wait by the phone. I don’t know if it’s sad or pathetic or just a normal process some girls would have to go through but I don’t want to sweat about it anymore. Really.

I still truly believe I’ll meet the right one.

Came home and I don’t know how to deal with my mum. Sometimes when she stays for too long, I think she’s bored or I don’t know, she’ll start to pick on me and all. Like how yesterday, I had to change to another shirt as I was about to go to work because she didn’t approve of what I was wearing even though she used to say it’s a really nice top. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to argue with her, I’ve just changed to another piece. It’s all these small things that really drives me nut. I don’t know if I’m doing good enough to be a daughter because she never seems to be satisfied and it feels like I’ll never get there.

Pappy is funny and I think he can get lonely too with Mummy here and him alone there. And I think he understands my situation very well.

“Ask Mummy to come back and not to disturb you!”

When Pappy is here, I feel okay with going out with my friends because I know he would have friends that he could go out with and I wouldn’t need to worry so much about him. But it’s different with my mum. Sometimes when I go out with my friends, I’ll be thinking about her at home. Thinking when she would call if I ever come back late (and sometimes I get pissed because it’s very rare that I stay very late outside and it’s just the way she sounds on the phone that just makes me feel one kind but I know she cares…ohhh…how am I supposed to describe this?). And when friends date me out, I would have to consider if my mum is around because sometimes when I’m out with my friend, I feel the guilt. But I can’t be staying home forever and not go out with my friends. And right now, I’m just waiting for the bomb to drop…like how I’ll be getting a shout from the living room asking me why I’m still awake….even though it’s Friday night and I would say I deserve a slightly late night on weekends, don’t I?

Sorry but I just need to rant tonight. I really hate guys who text me and say they can’t sleep and expect me to do something about it. Like give them a call? Reply with some sleep-inducing messages? Or I just don’t know. I mean if you can’t sleep, you should give me a call instead of me calling you lor…or maybe I’m just pissed with him lah I don’t know. And please don’t ask me if I’m sleeping now when I’ve just replied to you that I’m not sleeping yet when you text me just 5 minutes ago. It really gets to my nerve man, especially when a guy acts like that.

Anyway, the bomb has been dropped…like how I expected.

very nice.

It feels very weird putting on my contact lens at 4:30am. That’s because I have been awake for the past one hour. The rain and thunder and lightning woke me up I suppose. Or was it the milk tea I had just after dinner…I’m not sure. But I know I was CRAVING for milk tea that I had to have it even knowing the risk of not being able to fall asleep.

Well, at least I managed to get at least more than 3 hours of sleep before I actually wake up and been tossing and turning on the bed for an hour and didn’t think it was a productive thing to do. I had wanted to do something about it earlier but I couldn’t find my glasses so I was talking myself into just trying to get back to sleep but I just can’t.

Instead of switching on the lights and read a book in my room, I decided to write this so that I don’t disturb anyone. Remember I have a roomie? Yeah. And now that I recall, I think my glasses are in Mummy’s room but I can’t be marching into her room at hours like this. It’ll freak her out so this is what I can do best.

Someone told me that he has a crush with someone at the workplace and then continued to tell me, he used to have a crush on me too when we were in the same workplace. Funny guy. Well, at least he has the courage to tell me that and I appreciate that. Make me syok for a while also ok mah.

Today my heart stopped for a while and I couldn’t breathe as I was given very last minute notice that I’ll be meeting a bunch of high-flyers, CEO, managers and the like. I tried to brave myself and talk. I don’t know their names and positions but I just know they are from the top so memang aku stress. Didn’t think I did very well, nor did I did very badly. That was probably the most exciting and thrilling hour of the day because 30 minutes prior to that, I was dealing with laptops that just didn’t want to connect to the network. A little too gan jeong for me to handle but was thankful I had a superior to support me. Sometimes that’s all we need.

It’s 5:02am.

I’m going to try to sleep again.

Hi Bunny,

I finally got you flowers today. Not roses but a combination of chrysanthemum and the like. It was when I passed that flower stall that I saw another stall which had roses for sale. Oh well, I think you wouldn’t mind.

It was a nice morning walk at the SS2 morning market. Was suddenly craving for nasi lemak so I got myself a packet. Mummy went to get her supply of chicken. The kind that is slaughtered as and when a customer places an order.

In the afternoon, we went for a session of foot reflexology. It was so good that I felt asleep. Attending to me was this Chinese chap…oh mamma mia! I’ll be coming back for more!

Washed the car. It has been like what….2 months? Yea, I’m can be bloody lazy I know. The car looks like a car now. Did I ever tell you that I love my car more and more each passing day?

Dinner in Kepong. Had bah kut teh. It was also so good, I had to have another bowl of rice. It has been a long time since I ate like that, I mean having an extra bowl of rice and all. It was a very hearty meal. Did I tell you I had crabs last night? It was also very good. Eating is a kind of joy I must say.

There’s this video clip that you must watch. CLICK!

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

Dreaming of you,
Gracie

Dear Bunny,

It’s 17 April and it’s your death anniversary. You left me on this day a few years ago and boy you made me cry! I hope you’re doing great up there. I’ve always missed you and when I pressed on the machine to get the parking ticket at the workplace today, I murmured “Bunny!” and smiled at the machine. I don’t know what the hell that is for but I’m just telling you based on what I actually did.

If someone would ask me to describe a magical moment of my life, it would be you. You’re simply magic! Appeared just like that and made me the luckiest girl on earth. Even all the boyfriends and exes will have to make way for that coveted magical award. I LOVE YOU TO BITS.

I’ve never really had such a bond with a pet. The feeling was so strong that it actually broke my heart when I knew you’ve passed away. I’ll never get to know the real reason on how you left me but I’m really glad that you’ve come to stay even though it was a short 4 months, including the 1 month where I went back to Sandakan for my semester break and I was so afraid and worried that you might forget about me when I come back. Well, you still remember. 🙂

Nothing beats the feeling when I come home and I know I have something to come back to. I know you’ll be waiting for me. I’ll tell you stories which I recite in my mind and heart by just being with you. It wasn’t convenient to talk out loud then because the neighbour would be wondering I’ve gone nuts.

Bunny, I can go on and on with this so now you realised what an impact you’ve made upon me. I don’t think I can get ever forget about you.

I’ve owned rabbits before you came and it was really ages ago. Say when I was 6-7 years old. I would stare at them but I couldn’t touch them unless mummy takes them out from the cage. I can stare at them for hours. The rabbits then multiplied and some of them were not caged anymore. I remember this particular rabbit where I’ve helped in getting its head out because it was stuck below the pipeline. Very funny I must say but it was also scary for me. I was all alone and I wasn’t sure whether to leave that rabbit to figure its way out or risking to break its neck while I helped it out from that pipeline. Both of us survived the ordeal.

I intended to get you a few fresh roses like I normally would on this day every year. I went to a nearby florist after work but they only sold roses which were already wrapped in a bouquet and didn’t sell individual roses.

I had to rush to meet a friend for dinner so I didn’t bother. I’ll definitely try to get some tomorrow.

My life is a compilation of random things lately. I go out for lunch with slightly different people everyday which is quite interesting. I’m blessed with some really nice and friendly colleagues. I almost got something that is challenging to me at work. Just not confident but I know if I really meant business, I’m sure I can get it done because I wouldn’t have a choice! 😛 This is also unexpected but I’ll try if it really comes into my plate.

It was really nice to meet this friend of mine over dinner. (Thank you! 🙂)

Over the span of 2 days, I’ve been getting comments that I’m thinner than before and I don’t think it’s a compliment. Maybe it’s the braces…so from now on, I’ll try to eat more. I just need a little more flesh.

I need to enjoy the times I have with my roomie as she would need to move out in the coming weeks. It’s going to be back to the independent me, something which I’ve been very used to.

As long as I’ve lived, I’ve only got one regret so far and perhaps one of the biggest mistakes of my life. My instincts told me something’s fishy about it but my heart is too soft for my own good.  Bunny, you know about this story I’m sure and hope you see me through this.

Thank you for the wonderful memories. It’s enough to last me a lifetime.

Love you, love you and love you,
Gracie

I’ve given up hope on the previous guy who has left such a mark in my life. Maybe I’ll meet him again someday. Maybe one day he’ll appear. But for all I know, it is history. My heart comes with an expiry date. No matter how beautiful it used to be, the beauty has already fade away.

How do I know this? Well…let’s just say..my heart could only fit one person in the “relationship with a guy” category. So, there’s no way it could fit another. Now, I think I’ve dust off the very last pieces of him and my heart is lighter. My heart is open. Scarred, broken but healed. Ready to take on new challenges, sweetness and a new heart.

I think I’m having a crush. It’s nice to have a crush. I’m acting like an idiot lately. Always looking out for that someone and always thinking if he’s going to be the right one….and if I’m going to be the right one for him.

It feels like I’ve done this a million times and yet no matter how many million times I go through this, there’s always something new, something sweet, something frightening, something heart-pumping about it.

I came across a quote I like very much today…which I think came at a very right time. It goes like this..

Never explain yourself to any one.

Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it.
and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it.

Another one..

You cannot finish the book of life,
without closing it’s chapters.

If you want to go on…
then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages

On my way here
Where I am now
I’ve learned to fly
I have to want to leave the ground
I’ve fallen hard
But I’ve been loved
And in the end it all works out
My faith has conquered fear

I bloody love this song. Been listening to this song on the radio but never seem to get the title to the song. I finally did today. It’s “On My Way Here” by Clay Aiken.

My mood is so ceria today. So ceria until I can walk on air.

It’s that thrill of getting to know someone new. I don’t know what it is. But we can talk. I’m just going to appreciate times like this and soak up the moment. Because life is short.

Left office at 5:30pm and then spent 2 and a half hours waiting for my ex-colleagues for dinner. They were held up in a meeting so I had to spend more time in the bookstore…which isn’t entirely a bad thing. I finished reading a book within that span of time. I’m so proud of myself. hahaha

“He’s Just Not That Into You” was the book I picked from the shelf. Wanted something light and not too heavy. This was one. It was funny. You can catch me trying hard not to smile too wide and not to laugh out loud. Somehow it makes me feel that Mr.Bad Guy isn’t worth the wait no matter what excuse I give to myself to explain the possibilities of why he disappeared on me.

Sometimes I’m happy that I could actually put it aside and move on. Of course, it would sometimes come back to haunt me occasionally but it’s something I know I can manage to brush it aside if I really want to. I just want to be happy. Plain simple.

One line in the book that really really caught my attention and I think it’s so very true…is this following line.

You already have an asshole. You don’t need another.

🙂

Movies Watched:

• Confessions of a Shopaholic – Watched this with my friend after work. Funny!! Nice!! I don’t know if a guy would like it but I went with a girlfriend to watch it with me.
• Talentime – Watched this with my mom yesterday. This is nice too…or I should say beautifully crafted.  Love the soundtrack and hunting for it but can’t seem to find it anywhere.

For the whole week, I’ve been going to bed earlier, say 10:30pm after watching the Hong Kong series on Wah Lai Toi. Actual sleeping time is later than that though because I have a roommate now…which I will refer to as roomie, and with a new roomie, we can’t help but TALK. Even after the lights are switched off, we still find ourselves talking, giggling and then suddenly laughing out loud. It’s very therapeutic. 🙂

We are very much alike. We are both single. We are looking. I thought I cry very easily but she does it even better than me. She laughs very easily too and it makes me happy.

Did you switch off the lights for an hour last night?

I did.

And I was out for dinner with Pappy. We had Japanese food.

I’ve also been sleeping with the fan for 2 weeks now. It started when I was coughing a few weeks back and I was feeling very cold with the fever and felt very uncomfortable sleeping with the air-con. So there was one night, I decided to just sleep without the fan because I was so freaking cold la ..I don’t know why. Then when the fever subsided, I slept with the fan and since then, I’m sticking to the fan.

Guess it’s good for my skin too, doesn’t get dehydrated too easily. I’m in the air-con in the office too so it’s better to sleep with the fan at night. The only downside is I’ve got to get up, keep the windows shut when it really rains in the middle of the night because when the wind gets very strong, the door makes noise too. And I also have to put up with the restaurant closing at 12 midnight that is if I’m awake. Usually I’m in a deep sleep so whatever noises that comes after that doesn’t bother me at all.

The major distraction would be the 6am bird calling. There’s this particular bird I don’t have a name for it because I don’t have an idea of how it looks like. But if I hear it making noises, I’ll know that’s the bird I’m talking about. It lets out a very sexy, screaming kind of noise as early as 6 and when it does that, usually it wakes me up and you can hear me say, “Oh that bird again!” then I’ll need to bear with the noise as I continue with my sleep….on and off kind of sleep.

I know the bird makes noises even when I sleep with the air-con on but it’s very obvious with the air-con off and the windows open. Like amplified to my ears.

My skin is getting better. Not silky smooth but it’s better compared to weeks before. I’ve changed from the oil-control, combination skin set to a combination skin, hydrating set. I’ve always thought my skin is the oily kind so that’s why I always use the non-oily products and every night I apply blemishes cream on the pimples.

Surprisingly, the pimples are not really pimples. They appear because the skin is too dry. When it’s too dry, it produces its own oil/sebum so that’s why I was deceived by my own skin into thinking my face is oily. And I was thinking if I switched to a hydrating skincare, it would get oilier but no….it works really well now. Hoping to see more improvement.

I think that aside, other factors attributes to this too. Maybe I’m happier now. There’s stress still of course but it’s the kind of stress that doesn’t kill me or pull me down, the kind that pushes me to go further, pushes me to do better. For the first time in a very long time, I see life a little different now.

I actually have the mood and motivation to choose  and plan what I would want to wear to work every day. I want to look good. I make sure my skin keeps improving. I’m training myself to be more confident. I’m learning new stuff and I get to interact with more people now. I get to communicate with foreigners now too so the way I talk/write to them is different too. I’m slowly picking up the art to write very politely and courteously. At times, you surprise yourself by doing something you didn’t know you can do.

I’m actually very happy that at this point of time, I’m here. It wasn’t all pleasant before this but I’m really glad that I’m here now. Maybe it was a process I had to go through to get here. And in every places I’ve worked, there would always be something I can bring and apply here. May not be very obvious but you can feel it yourself.

Hungry la..till then!