Run, Bunny. Run!

Category: Life

  • Toxic Tears

    Happy Birthday to Ching! :d

    Finished the book last night and woke up reading a new book, “You’re What You Eat” by local author, Chia Joo Suan. This is bought by Pappy as well for everyone to read. Whenever I don’t eat right, Mummy would always always say to me, “You’re what you eat!” without fail!

    There was this line which I really like from the book which I’ve just finished reading. “A problem shared is a problem halved”.

    Don’t we all have problems? Some have it written on their faces whenever they go. Some just appear not to have any problems at all. Some are trying so hard not to have it shown while they try to battle and solve their problems in silence.

    This is weird but I am actually thinking that the boyfriend would definitely forget about my birthday. The weirder part is I have already figured what I would say to him if that happened. The next thing that would happen is to know how much I really matter to him, which I believe is less than zero. Knowing and understanding the one million reasons why I should leave this relationship has not made me make any decision on what I’m going to do. Well, I know what I want to do, like I hope to be single before the year ends. I wouldn’t mind to admit that my relationship has been a disaster and I’m not very sure how many failed relaitonships God wants me to have before I can see the light to a happy and longlasting relationship. I can’t end it just yet because there are things between us that I need to sort out before I can say goodbye forever to him.

    I do not blame anyone, not even the boyfriend, but myself that I’m allowing this to happen to me yet again. It’s not like there hasn’t been signs that are giving hints to me that this may not worked out after all but I chose to go ahead, thinking maybe I could change it.  I always have this ideal that when you really love someone wholeheartedly, everything would prevail. But I’ve come to learn that maybe that’s not the case. I may or may not still feel for him even if the whole thing ends but I’d like to give myself a chance to have something which I think I deserve to have. Love.

    It sucks the most when someone asks me if I have a boyfriend and that’s like the question I really pray I don’t get. Just like the other day, the shampoo girl asked me in a very concerning manner if I have a boyfriend. I paused for a while. Saying yes doesn’t justify the condition I’m in now since I don’t see any difference with me being single and me having boyfriend who doesn’t even care if I should die the next minute. I’m not even kidding because when he doesn’t even bother to call, I might be lying dead in the toilet and nobody would ever discover me. Not trying to be pessimistic even though I think I can be spared to feel pessimistic a little now that I have this relationship issue going on. I just told the shampoo girl, “It’s a bit complicated.” The topic on relationship stopped there and then.

    I might give different people different answers, depending on when you’re asking me, depending on who you are, depending if I was in the mood to tell you why it can be a yes and no answer. It’s just not easy because it would always remind me things I do not want to be reminded about…but something I know I cannot choose to hide and avoid from. Just like what the boyfriend is doing. Avoiding and running as far as he can.

    One problem with him is he has too many problems. He holds on to his pride very dearly and thus he doesn’t let you in a bit in problems that has the ability to explode his head. I can only get hold of bits and pieces of information from the very short phone conversation which he always seems so in a hurry to end it. When probed further, he sounds annoyed and what else can I do? It’s best to leave him alone.

    I think I’m also beginning to understand how he works. His main priority is his job and career. Next, it would be his family. Then, it would be everything else. The last would be me. I don’t expect myself to be listed first in his priorities but I think you should set some time for each of your priorities. And if setting me aside as also one of his priorities is such a burden, shouldn’t he just tell me about it? Grace, I don’t think I can afford to love you anymore.

    I know the fact that he’s not going to say it, maybe again due to pride. So he’d choose to give me all this cold treatment, thinking I’d understand and stop being a pest. Then when I leave, it would have been very easy for him. He doesn’t have to deal with it. He would allow it to burn and rot until there’s no more hope for revival.

    What I’ve said may not be true but this is what I have been able to collect and digest with what’s going on. I don’t think my problem is halved now but I do feel better. Have been wanting to write this for so long but the words just don’t seem to flow. Now even the tears have flowed. And there’s one other thing..I’ve learnt that you shouldn’t be ashamed with whatever problems you have. All of us have problems whether we like it or not. I may have this problem and you don’t. You may have that problem but I don’t…so it’s all the same.

    Do you know that when you cry, you release toxins from your body through your tears? 

  • Pasta

    I went to have my favourite soya bean after work, just to mengubat my rindu of that particular soya bean. Didn’t taste as nice as it used to though. Called Mummy and Pappy while I was sipping alone. I talked to Pappy for quite a long time, considering that our conversation wouldn’t normally last long over the phone.

    Today I woke up still dreaming about the dream I had last night. You know how sometimes we are the ones who direct how the dreams unfold? Sometimes, even when I’ve opened my eyes after being awake, the dream still lingers on. It wasn’t a good dream. It was quite inhumane really. Scary. It felt like I was dreaming the whole night.

    I then flipped open a book to continue where I stopped last night. Have been reading for the past one week, a book which Pappy gave me on my last birthday. A chic lit book or something like that.. if it is to be categorised. Imagine Pappy getting that kind of book for me and he doesn’t really know if I would like it. Or he thought I will like it because he gave it to me. Anyway, it’s an interesting read. It’s His ‘N’ Hers by Mike Gayle, a UK novelist. I hope I’ll be able to finish it off before my next birthday. But you know what? I think I can finish reading it tonight.

    Went karaoke again today in conjunction with an ex-colleague’s birthday. Dinner at Pasta de Gohan, Sunway Pyramid. Very nice if you like pasta in the Japanese kind of way. It reminds me of Pasta Zanmai, similar concept. Portion wise, I think Pasta Zanmai has got a bigger serving. Choice wise, maybe Pasta de Gohan provides more. But I like both the same.

    I’m bored. I want to read.

    Night.

  • Money!

    I received a cheque today for my salary!!! Ya!! Even though I had just worked for 3 days. I’m already getting paid until the end of the month. Weeeeeee!

    The cheque was even dated days before I reported to work. How cool is that!

    Now I’m waiting for my ex-company to pay me, which would be very soon too.

  • A Day in the City

    One thing I hate about myself is most of the time when I said I’m going to wake up early, I end up waking up later than planned. Just like today I was telling myself I have to get up by 6:30am but I got up close to 7:00am. After having oats as breakfast, I drove to the LRT station, knowing that I might not get a parking place, because it was almost 8am by then.

    Where did I park? At the corner of the end of the parking place.

    I then walked like a super robot to the LRT station. I love Touch n Go cards. They make life so much easier and faster. It was nice to see people queueing up at the LRT station. It has been ages since I took the LRT in the mornings on a working day. I had to wait for the second train before I get to go in and I was already begining to worry because it was almost 8:20 am already. I had to get to KL city before 9am. Bravo!

    There was this granny standing behind me, asking if the train goes to KL. I said yes and she told me it was her first time taking the LRT. I asked her which station she was going to. We so happened to share the same destination.

    LRT was very packed.

    When the LRT was approaching to my destination, I walked towards the granny to tell her to get off…but she didn’t need me to tell her. She was already ready to get off.

    “Did you stand since the beginning of the journey?” She asked.

    “Yes.” I replied.

    “YAM GONG LOR!” She exclaimed.

    Very funny.

    Anyway, I had to attend training today, which explains why I had to squeeze with the others on the LRT.

    I walked like a super-robot again to my targetted building. Not like I know the place lah but with my intelligence, I managed to spot it. Ho Ho. I was just on time. Man! I was panting and sweating and blushing due to panting and sweating.

    I was dying to talk to the lady sitting behind me in class because I just felt so. haha. Well, I wanted someone that I could have lunch with and probably make a new friend. So I initiated a conversation with her by asking if she drove or took the LRT, then the conversation just flowed. When it came to lunch break, I also asked her if she wanted us to go for lunch together. She agreed.

    She’s a graphic designer turned secretary.

    At the end of the training, I actually got a certificate! So not within my expectation so I was very happy. Then I hopped on to the LRT again to get to KLCC to meet a friend who spent me dinner at Chilli’s.  Tequila-Lime Fish Steak. Bottomless iced lemon tea. Yummy like Mummy. Thank you Nathan!

    Hopped on the LRT to go home. Walked like super-robot again to the dark parking place. It wasn’t too scary as there were other people walking towards my direction too. 8:30pm and LDP was still jammed. One thing I can never understand.

    I actually enjoyed my day. I do like to be able to do something different on a working day, other than clocking in to work and then out. Even though it was madness with the super robot walking, it was fun. Get to talk with new people, get to go to new places, get to eat at a different place. Just out there to breathe the city air.

  • Wrong Number

    I don’t know why this person must call me 2 something in the morning. Don’t even know him. In fact, I shouldn’t have answered the call. When I heard a guy’s voice on the receiving end, I kinda freaked out. I kept quiet after saying a hello, which triggered him saying hello. Then he kept hello..ing until he finally put down the phone.

    Then he called again twice. I never picked up.

    Then he sent an SMS which I only read when I woke up. He wrote in Malay, said sorry and didn’t intend to disturb me. He just wanted to know who owns the number and where do I stay. And if he thinks I’m just going to tell him that, I’m very sorry.

    I hope he doesn’t call me again la. I cannot sleep not because he calls in the middle of the night but because I’d be thinking how in the world he got my number and think of all the bad things. Shit.

  • First Day of School

    *ahaks*

    Today I felt like kissing the road. When I was driving I was doing the peeping thing, peeping whether the road is jammed or traffic was smooth and moving. It was pretty good. There were more cars on the opposite side of the road, hence reflecting I’m against the traffic. *plus point!*

    Only one toll. *plus point!*

    Managed to get a parking. *plus point!* Which means I need to go earlier so that I don’t suffer from parking headaches.

    A call from Australia. (Charlene, I don’t know how not to fall in love with you. 😀 )

    Another call from Miri. (Sorry number_six, wasn’t convenient to answer your call. Nevertheless, thank you very much. I know what you wanted to convey without even needing to take your call.)

    Colleagues were nice. Helped me with opening of bank account and do lunch together.

    Came home and was expecting massive jam. Nowhere to be found. VERY HAPPY!

    Can it be like this for a very long time?

    With all the above, I have to work hard. I must work hard. I will give my best.

  • My First Day Tomorrow

    Watched The Incredible Hulk today with my hometown mate and had Thai food. After going riceless for 2 weeks, I feel like the stomach doesn’t recognise rice anymore. It was harder for the stomach to digest. Hulk was okay to me. Not the kind that blew me away. I don’t know why but I kept comparing it with Kungfu Panda even though I know it’s of a different genre altogether. I miss Po and Master Shifu.

    Tomorrow’s going to be my first day at work. It feels like attending the first day of school and you are a bit scared and worried because it’s like another level up. For example, going from Form 3 to Form 4. I will have to be goodie goodie and proper and not crazy crazy like what I appear to some of the closer colleagues in my previous workplace.

    Sometimes it takes me quite some time to open up or be really comfortable and at ease in a new environment but I hope it wouldn’t take too long for me to warm up tomorrow and for the days to come.

    I discovered another new route today to get to work. The shortest so far but again I wasn’t travelling during peak hours so I can’t say much yet but otherwise it’s all good. Will be going earlier than usual tomorrow so that if there’s a traffic jam, I should still be able to reach on time.

    Thank you Charlene for calling me today. I think I’ve never called you even once and you’re the one who’s always calling me from Australia. But I’ll try to call you tomorrow after work to report to you my first day of work. And thank you so much for your concern even though we’re miles apart. I truly appreciate it.

    Mummy called me as well and so did Pappy to “test” how I was actually feeling. I’m looking forward to my new job and I hope it’s going to be better than the last one. But whatever it is, I’m going to be as positive as possible.

    Run, Bunny. Run!

  • Satisfying Saturday

    Breakfast: A glass of water.

    Walked out to pay management fee, walked to the bank to deposit a cheque, walked to a shop to get some apples, oranges and old cucumber (????.

    Breakfast #2: Apple and orange juice.

    Boiled chicken + old cucumber + tomatoes + a pinch of salt soup. Steamed otak-otak which I discovered from the freezer. I’ve not been peeping into my freezer for a good 2 weeks already! Otak-otak is from Muar and by just looking at the frozen otak-otak is enough to make me drool. FYI, today’s the first day I am actually taking something slightly spicy and today is the first day I actually ate rice after putting on the braces for 2 weeks. and FYI, I’ve lose 2 kgs during these 2 weeks.

    Told myself I must clean the house after lunch.

    I ended up watching TV, which was a convenient thing to do as I was eating lunch while watching TV.

    Told myself I must clean the house after watching TV.

    I ended up sitting in front of the computer.

    Told myself I must clean the house after surfing the Internet.

    I ended up going into my bedroom, flipped open a novel and read it.

    Told myself I must clean the house after reading the book.

    I ended up SLEEPING!!!!

    Told myself there is nothing else for me to do but to clean the house.

    WHICH I DID. HAHAHAHA.

    But I hate the new mop. It’s heavy and long and makes me “bongkok” even more because I was mopping in full force, so much so that I was just dragging the mop here and there when it almost ended.

    Dinner: Otak-otak and rice again. And my brilliant soup. It’s brilliant because it’s the first time I actually boil this. My first time buying an old cucumber without my mum and I just don’t know if it’s good because the skin makes them look old anyway. Brown. And I actually called mum asking her how to cut the old cucumber and when I called her, I told her I bought wintermelon instead of old cucumber. I don’t know why I always get this two jumbled up. But anyway, when I called her, I had already finish cutting the old cucumber so whatever way I need to cut the old cucumber didn’t really matter anymore.

    Dinner #2: More soup!

    While was drinking soup, I saw AOF PONGSAK on TV. Man, he’s gorgeous! When being interviewed of which love song is his favourite, he named my favourite song “Tang Karng Lung Taloo Teung Hua Jai”. See, I’ve got good taste.

    Watched ??????2. I love this a lot. I love singing competitions.

    Went down to throw rubbish. A cockroach appeared in front of me while I dumped the rubbish.

    Blogging this.

    Listening to Aof Pongsak’s favourite song, which also happened to be my favourite song. Tee hee!

    Saw a huge cockroach roaming above the curtain.

    Grabbed Shieldtox and killed it. Shieldtox never fails me when it comes to killing cockroach. Just make sure the aerosol spray is meant for killing cockroaches else I don’t think it will work that well.

    Hoping I don’t die like the cockroach, judging from the amount I just sprayed because I wanted to make sure it is dead. I cannot tolerate the idea of a roaming cockroach when I see one in the house. Maybe I should have just killed the cockroach I saw at the rubbish bin downstairs. Could be this one that just visited me in the house. But I’m not sure. This one looks bigger than the one downstairs. Maybe it grew instantly after seeing my rubbish. Okay, I’m not making any sense now.

    Chatting on MSN. Wait, they are all guys! woo hoo!

    I’m sorry. This is what happens when one spends too long at home but you know what? I actually enjoyed my day.

  • Starting to Feel Bored…

    The only productive thing I did today was to boil myself a pot of green bean soup. Yesterday was fun. I kinda enjoyed the short break that I have before I start the new job. But today, I woke up earlier than yesterday. Drove to the new workplace using another route that I’ve never taken before. Counted the kilometres and time spent to get there without being stuck in a traffic jam. So far, it’s still okay. Nearer as compared to my previous workplace but I’m not very sure about the traffic jam part. Initially I had wanted to just drive out like any normal working day just to test the traffic condition…but I just couldn’t wake up at 7 lor.

    Then I went driving around using another route and had wanted to collect a prize I won after submitting the entry for a women’s magazine. I called up as I wasn’t able to locate the exact building on the correct road I was along but only to discover that I couldn’t collect it today as the person in charge was out of office. Man! Now I don’t know how I’ll be collecting it since they are not open during weekends and I’ll be starting work again next week.

    After that I came home and felt so helpless. I was feeling bored. I think it’s good that I don’t have too long a break before the new job, unless maybe if I spent the time going somewhere else for a holiday. I like to be at work in someway. At least it keeps me occupied. It’s weird but when we work, we want days off but when we get days off, we can’t wait to go back to work.

    Tomorrow I really hope I will get to lift my bum so that it would trigger my hands to clean the house.