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I have been working round the clock. It is so crazy, I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never worked like that. I can still go on like that but it wouldn’t mean anything. This week should be the last work I worked that crazy. I’ll need to slow things down a little next week.

There are so many things outside of work that is waiting for me to do.

There isn’t anything special because I’ve been waking up, working and then work again when I come home till I’m really tired and sleepy and then I’ll be sleeping like a pig and continue my routine again. I’m thankful I was able to get enough and sound sleep because it does make a lot of difference. I usually doze off the minute I hit the bed. 🙂

The year of the tiger has certainly kick start for me with A LOT OF WORK! 😀

There’s this little girl who was surprised to see someone else in the office because it wasn’t a working day. That someone else is me. She was making her round to explore the workplace which is too adult for her. I turned around and there she stood, murmuring something and I just smiled, not knowing who that little girl belong to. Out came the brother and little girl asked him who I am. His brother had no clue as well and he said, “Why not you go ask Mummy?”

Their mother appeared with the little girl holding her hands.

“She was saying there’s a Russian girl and I was thinking it was someone else.”

“ She’s a Chinese girl, not Russian.”

Little girl took a better look at me, trying to absorb the Chinese in me.

Very cute and very funny because for all I know, I don’t look like a Russian.

The thing that made me happy yesterday was that a lion came to tickle me. Lion= lion dance punya lion. They came to the office. 🙂  And I was so excited and pretended to act cool when one of it came to tickle me….I don’t know what word to use to describe it. It was just shaking its head and body at me. So I thought…ok lah, this time ada banyak ONG. I drove home smilinggggggggg only.

I really didn’t feel like going back.

I told Mummy to give me a set of her pyjamas because I wanted to wear it to sleep before I fly back today. And then, I insisted that I want to sleep with her, where Pappy usually sleeps. Pappy is away for work so I had the chance to sleep with Mummy and at the same time, smell his pillow and blanket before I fly back to KL.

你看，我的pattern 又来了啰！

The mosquitoes wanted to kiss me goodbye and they kissed me real hard at 3am but after that I continued sleeping. When I woke up, I didn’t feel like getting up. I was lingering on the bed as long as I can before Mummy who was cooking in the kitchen came to call me. Reluctantly, I got up because I know I don’t want to be late for my flight.

Packed the last minute stuff. My lunch. My dinner. And my meal for the next 2 days. Some Chinese New Year cookies for myself, colleagues and friends.

Went breakfast at my favourite stall and had my favourite kon lou mee (干捞面) for the last time until I come back again to this hometown of mine. I couldn’t finish the noodles and this never happens so I guess it’s a sign that I’m really sad to leave.

Arrived at the airport and the baggage scanning machine was out of order so I was asked to open my luggage and I thought…alright so you want to have a look at my bras and panties? Anyway, before I could lift up the luggage bag wide open, I was asked to close it again and I was like…..###%%%???.

Checked in within 5 minutes and then I spent some time with Mummy at the airport cafeteria.

It was a day filled with emotions in the airport. While I was entering the departure hall, I saw a mother in tears, hugging her daughter. My only guess is she’ll be away for further studies and the mum misses her. It is all so familiar because I’ve been there once. When I was sitting in the departure hall, another mother was in tears and she was carrying a baby girl in her arms. She was just sitting in front of me and I didn’t want to stare too long.

When I was on board the plane, the same mother who was sitting in front of me had the seat next to mine. A friend who was on the same flight as me helped her with her hand luggage. I continued to help her after that by placing her bags on the floor. It was two small bags but it was really heavy and I wonder how she could manage them with a baby in her arms. She was still seen in tears after that. There wasn’t much that I could do but I thought a little kindness would help and I said to myself I’m going to help her with her bags when we land. And I can tell you mothers who travel alone with babies are true heroes. It is not easy.

I helped her with her bag as we got down from the plane. I had wanted to carry it for her till reach the terminal but she wanted her bag back by the look of her face so I gave it back to her and in reply, she said, “Terima Kasih”.

Came home, downed 2 veggie pau which Mummy made for me yesterday and then went out to service my car, pay the management fee and then came home to unpack and do some laundry. I still have a list of endless things to do. That pile of clothes, that kitchen sink that needs to be scrub, that toilet that needs to be clean, really…that pile of clothes…the floor which has gone from clean to dusty while I was away and the work at work that I got to do tomorrow morning.

It’s just too much and it’s just endless. And because it is endless, I am just not going to stress myself out. I’m going to just give my all and when it hits the limit of the day, I’m just going to call it a day irregardless of whether I complete it or not. Why? Because even if I worked day and night and not sleep, I won’t be able to finish it given the situation I am in now. I will manage and complete it…but within a longer timeframe. Else, I’m going to be a very layu bunny and it ain’t gonna be pretty.

A few more days before the Chinese New Year ends and I’m so going to make full use of this CNY. I’m planning to catch another lion dance performance and lou another sang this weekend.

新年快乐！万事如意！

*ROAR!!!*

Gong Xi Fa Cai! 🙂

It’s been awhile ya? I was VERY VERY busy since February, doing as much as I could before taking a long Chinese New Year holiday to be home with my family and friends. I was working on weekends too and I’m actually working from home throughout the 1.5 week off that I’m taking! But I’m taking my own sweet time because it’s a HOLIDAY anyway!

I’m happy to have my sister back and this is what I call Chinese New Year. It has been 3 years celebrating CNY without my sister in Sandakan so despite having to work from home and all, I’m still having a great time.

Most of the things that I want to do and places that I want to visit is almost done.

• Visited Labuk Bay Proboscis Monkey Sanctuary. You can only find Proboscis Monkey in Borneo and since it is at my doorstep (45-60 minutes from home), I have to visit this place and see a proboscis monkey for real and not on postcards. I love those monkeys. I’ll tell more about it in a separate post.
• Visited Sepilok Orang-utan Rehabilitation Centre too because we had a guest and everyone who visits Sandakan must come to Sepilok. We also went to Sandakan Crocodile Farm.
• Visited a few of the oldest temples in Sandakan. Even though I’ve lived here most of my life, I’ve never really set foot into these temples. （谭公圣祖庙 and  三圣宫）.
• EAT! I don’t think I can complete my wishlist this trip because there is so much more that I want to eat.
• DRINK! It’s either 柠檬水 or teh 奶 because I can’t find such teh 奶 in KL. I think I repeat myself every year. (haha!)
• WATCH! It’s a little quieter this year at my housing area because it’s very old and more people are moving to new housing areas so our housing area is not the “hot” area to have good earnings for the lion dance troupe so they don’t frequent here by going house by house anymore. From more than 10 the previous years to only 2 this year..and this year some of them missed the row of houses we are at because of its location. So, the only way we get to watch lion dance performance is to be at other friends’ open houses or temples or shops or just stop by anywhere you spot a lion. It used to be one of my favourite things to do every Chinese New Year…and still is. I get very excited each time I see a lion and I just don’t know why. I just love it to bits!
• MEET! Not many friends came back this year but the usual close friends of mine are back. Some of my friends are working in KL but we rarely see each other and it’s time like this during Chinese New Year that we will gather and catch up in Sandakan. I’ll get to see friends getting married, becoming parents, becoming attached and many are still single. Attended a wedding on the 4th day of CNY too and it was good to see some of the familiar faces again. Saw a few of my primary school teachers of names I don’t remember but I can remember their faces. My English tuition teacher. My primary school headmaster. My secondary school headmaster.
• As you grow older and you see familiar faces and being in a place you used to grow up, it just feels so nice and I treasure every moment of it. I don’t know how many Chinese New Year I’ll have to always have things I hold so dearly in my heart to always be there and remain the same forever. Like how I’ll get married someday and maybe I won’t be able to come back to my hometown the way I want to and so on.
• I like staying home and being at home, just relaxing. At this hour, I don’t like sitting where I’m sitting now though because it gets quiet and the lizards will come out and there’s a beetle flying around the house now. Just a few nights ago, a huge cockroach came flying towards my face and I’m not even kidding. In defense, I had Shieldtox in my hands. I make it sound like I live in a jungle but I just don’t. My house is just old but no matter how old it is, it is still my home.

Tomorrow is the last day for me to enjoy and breathe Sandakan before I head back to KL to work again. Hoping to catch sunset at a rooftop bar, eat Mummy’s home-cook food, pack my stuff .

Till then!

It’s been a long day for me.

It’s been an exciting, busy day but the night isn’t ending very well with me and I don’t like this feeling. To start off the day with anticipation and enthusiasm only to feel so disheartened and demotivated at the end of the day.

From the period when I felt so down till I’m beginning to feel I’m getting up and cheerful again, I’m back in the race where it’s going to be busy and challenging and where I feel time is not enough for me to accomplish and complete the things that are on my plate now. Work wise, personal wise and human being wise.

Just got off the phone with Mummy which jolted me into the state I am now. Shedding the tears of stress and the vague forecast of how I’m going to do with whatever’s on my plate.

I’ve been having some really good time with my sister and every time I could get after I come home from work. We went to watch lion dance over the weekend at a shopping mall. We got to see the very cute “Paws-perity” decoration in One Utama. We ate at the eating place where I’ve not patron for the past one year or so because my sister wasn’t around and it’s pointless going there alone. It felt so good to be ordering the same favourite dishes again. I like the familiarity that was so yesterday and relived again today.

I was telling my sister that I couldn’t stop talking since she came back and that one whole day when I was talking non-stop, I told her it was equivalent to the amount of words I spoke for the past one year.

But still, I felt like I could have done more or spent more time with her for the first few days that she’s back. I’m overloaded with lots of things to do that I have to compartmentalize my day in order to get a little bit of everything done. It’s not very efficient in the sense that I don’t get at least one major thing done but a spread of things that are half done, slightly done, almost done. It had to be this way because this is the only way and the best I could do for now.

Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day. Just read something I didn’t like reading and I know what’s installed for me tomorrow. It’s not something nice but I’m ready. It looks big and unpleasant now but I know it’s going to be a small issue once I go through this.

I’m trying my best but it looks like trying my best is not good enough yet. I’ve got to try harder and hang in there just a little bit more. It’s just a phase and I know it’s temporary. It’s tough but I know I can do this. May involve some tears and less sleep but I know I’ll go through this just fine. All I need is a positive mind, some perseverance and the ability to laugh it off when things get too rough for me.

It’s just too overwhelming for me now, that’s why it feels and looks so big to break it down. Every minute counts for me, especially now. I find myself scrambling on one thing and my mind will be on the other, working on this while thinking a solution for the other, then I’ll go solve the other because the idea will suddenly appear and then I have to tell myself to stop and go back to what I did and finish it before I go on and solve the problem that I have for the next thing on the list. Then, at the back of my mind, I’ll be counting and listing the things that are not done and in my heart, I worry about all these things and then in my mind again, I’m always thinking of how I would survive.

I’d like to put what happened today to stay here today. I’m going to get a good sleep now and then we’ll start over again tomorrow.

Because I am brave.

A very long day for me but I’m alright with it because I know what I’m doing and I know it has to be done.

A good day for me too because I received compliment and my hard work is acknowledged.

I was sharing this piece of good news with someone but now I don’t feel quite awesome like I did.

Someone asked me why I’m working so hard when I’m not being paid so much. I said I’m working hard because I enjoy my work. And it’s going to be tough for this period but it’s just temporary. No matter how much I earn, it’ll always be not enough in the eyes of that someone. Honestly, I’m thankful that I’m where I am now. Maybe I’m not very talented compared to the very talented. But I surely know I’m not really that poor. I’m learning everyday as I can and I find joy in it. I’m doing things that I’m not sure if I’m able to do but I try and so far, I can still manage. Each time I manage to overcome little challenges like this, it empowers me. It is telling me I can do it and perhaps I can do even more.

Maybe I’m too idealist thinking that we work and we should enjoy our work while it pays the bill. It doesn’t necessarily have to be  working something we don’t like to do but we get big money. I’m upset because that someone doesn’t understand the person that I am. If I were to work only for money, I could have done so many other things that I hate…but what’s the point?

I know there are people who work for the money and these are the same people that would always tell me not to work for the money. Get something you like to do.

I’ve always hated people who would always compare me with someone else. Comparing and telling the person how bad they are doing is not a very nice thing to do. You can tell them they are not doing a good job or they can do better but don’t compare them with others and tell them how much they suck. There’s a difference between that and it makes a huge difference.

If I were to compare myself to so many people out there, I think I’ll be a very bitter person. All I want is to compare myself in the past and to compare myself in the present and not with others.

…I’m just tired. But I know I can do this.

I’m having this pre-sleep false alarm. My Internet banking account was suspended because I entered the wrong password too many times and I had to call to get it activated again. I don’t like the feeling of leaving it until tomorrow before I call the bank. I needed information for verification and while I was looking for my cards, I realised it wasn’t in my bag. I really don’t like the feeling of losing anything and I thought hard of where I might have lost it. My next and available choice was just to look at another bag and I THANK GOD IT WAS THERE.

And for all I know I have been going out without my IC, driving licence, credit card and all the important cards for the last 2 days. This is bad.

I had my internet banking account reactivated and now I can go to bed . If this was to be discovered while I’m outside, I think I would have panicked even more.

Hello dear cards, come to Mummy!