Blog

When it comes to problems, be it a problem at work, problem with the car, or now problem with my teeth, I think I can still handle it. But when it comes to problem in relationship, especially one that I’m in now, sometimes I just wished I know how to deal with the boyfriend.

He is giving me more pain than the braces is giving me. In fact, after I came back from the dentist on Saturday, I came home and gave a good cry because I didn’t know what else to do to make him talk to me. About a month ago, he asked me for dinner but he later had to postpone it to the next day. However, on the following day, there was no sign of him. No one answering the phone. No one replying to my SMS.

I often wonder why guys treat me like shit.

I only heard from him a week after that, only to find out his aunt passed away, after I spammed call him.  Do you get angry or sympathetic? I don’t know which I should feel.

This shitty feeling has been dragging on for a few months now.

I also have problems that I cannot share with you which makes it even harder. Anyway, today I spammed call again when I was driving home because I was just so angry.

No reply. No answer.

When I finally got home after work, I saw him on YM and I messaged him. No reply wor. So I just tembak with, “If you are a man, please answer me.”

The next thing I knew, he appeared right in front of my house door. I really hate using ways like that to talk to him but I really don’t know what else I can do. I have been sending him SMSed acting macam priest, macam counsellor, macam beggar, macam lover yang dah buntu jalan. So I did what I did and I know it will work because he’s too ego a man to admit he’s not a man. So he die die also must appear.

When I saw him standing at the door, I was happy for maybe a few seconds. When I opened the door and I see him standing in front of me, the first thing I wanted to do is to PUNCH HIM REAL HARD. AKU GERAM LAH!!!!! TERSANGAT TERAMAT GERAM! GOD.

Let’s just see what he will do next. And I am very sure, I am no longer the Gracie that he knows. Since being kind, nice and understanding doesn’t help, I’m not going to give a shit anymore.

Tomorrow will go on just life should move on. I have been trying to get on with mine without thinking about him all the time or focusing of how bad my love life is. Although he has definitely ruined the kind of love and relationship I really would like to have with someone, I will still try to hope that one day, I might just find the right man to settle down with. And should I not be able to meet that someone, well…

Do you know that whenever I see a loving couple, I envy them very much. And if you’re happily in a relationship now, all I can tell you is you are blessed and so very lucky. It may seem simple for others but it hasn’t been entirely easy for me.

It is hard writing this because when you want something so much and it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to be, you have to face the real thing that is happening. I hate to write bad things about people that I love. I don’t know if I still love him because he’s certainly doing things that make me hate him day by day but I do wonder where I get all the patience and energy to actually wait and hope that he could just turn around, look at me, talk to me and just love me.

Now that I’m done crying, it’s time for bed because my braces are sleepy. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.

I guess this petrol hike issue is the topic of the day. Anywhere you go to, anyone you speak to, it’s about petrol. So much so that I’m beginning to feel that I’m not going to talk about the petrol issue anymore. There’s no use complaining because no matter how much or how hard you do it, the price isn’t going to go down. And the only thing it’s going to do, is go up! Some more!

So, I only allowed myself to whine, rant and complain and sulk for an entire day and tomorrow I’m just going to let the fact sink in and move on. Instead of wasting your energy on complaining, better conserve your energy to think of what you’re going to do so that you can sustain and survive.

After getting out of the traffic jam last night, I came home, deflated, and all I could actually cook up is a cup of oats. Tonight, I did the same thing as I reached home slightly before 9pm. I hope I’m not going to die eating oats 2 nights in a row for dinner. This is so unlike me but tomorrow I’m definitely won’t be having oats for dinner.

People, the only thing that came to my mind when I saw the many status of my friends’ on MSN with the figure “RM2.70” was to pump petrol immediately, which I did because it was my time to go home. I knew many would be thinking the same as me and when I saw the queue at Cyberjaya Petronas station, I told myself to forget about it.

I was hoping that the ESSO station along LDP, before the Puchong toll would be a better alternative and it was. The queue wasn’t too long a wait. Just 2 cars before me. The cashier at the petrol station was very stressed but I know he was trying his level best to remain calm. There was one man whose receipt didn’t come out after paying by credit card. Another man whose credit card cannot be used to swipe at the station and of course there was a man who just had to cut my queue (not in car terms but in person term), just to pay the cashier the amount he has pumped.

After leaving the station, it was traffic jam all the way after Puchong toll and I was thinking maybe everyone is queuing up along the gas station along the highway which is causing the jam. Anyway, the whole process of leaving the office and finally reaching home, took me 2 hours. I’m hungry and tired but I’m sitting down here writing this. It’s just…

My current full tank requires about RM65 of petrol, which is about 33 litres at the price of RM1.92 per litre. Now that it has gone up from RM1.92 to RM2.70 per litre, I will need to fork out RM89 for a full tank. The difference being RM24. RM24 should multiply by 4 times, an average amount of time I pump petrol in a month, which would equal RM96. Let’s say RM100. I’ll need to pay RM100 more for petrol per month from now on. And that’s just petrol.

There will be increase in electricity as well as EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD LAH. So, I really can’t think right now. Someone please tell me that another price hike for petrol that will take place in August is not true.

It has been a long time since I last take pictures of objects. I was looking at the little fellas standing on the office cubicle divider and they looked so adorable, I thought they deserved to be captured on screen. The latest addition to the family is that rubber ducky in the middle. Belongs to a colleague of mine. What we used it for since it’s not in the bathroom? Well, instead of calling out to my colleague’s name, I just press on the rubber duckie and it will call my colleague, vice versa. It puts on her, mine, or our smile 99% of the time.

Click to enlarge.

And if you still remember this Tuzki bunny, my colleague was inspired by it to draw this. Hmm..for me?

On a jolly Saturday morning, I woke up at 6:30am to prepare for my cycling trip. Do you know how long I’ve never touched a bicycle? More than 10 years… so long that I was a little worried if I would have forgotten of how to ride one. But then, I thought when you know to do something, the basics or foundation should always be there. After all, it’s about balancing!

Picked up my colleague at the LRT station at 7:30am but he was late by 10 minutes. But it was okay because we reached Shah Alam on time at 8am to have breakfast at the mamak with another colleague, and ex-colleagues of my colleague. That would make the 5 of us. At 8:30am, we departed for Taman Pertanian Malaysia Bukit Cahaya Seri Alam, Shah Alam. Reached there about 9am and there were already a lot of people renting the bicycles.

The old bicycle costs RM3 per hour and RM1 every subsequent hour after that. The new ones cost RM5 for the first hour and RM1 every subsequent hour following it. We hired the new ones and were off to go. There are 2 routes that you can actually take, one towards the left from the bicycle renting place and the other towards the right. We took the left route which turned out to be more challenging than the right one. We only knew this after we’ve finished cycling.

I never knew a bicycle has a gear. Yup, for as long as I remember, my previous “girly” bicycle didn’t have a gear so when my colleague was asking me to adjust my gear as I go uphill, I didn’t know what he was talking about. The route was uphill and downhill on the way. Winding and quite steep, at least for me. I’ve never rode on a winding and hilly road like that. It actually took some guts to actually release myself when I cycled downhill. It was fun but it also felt dangerous, which I think what made it felt fun. Ahahah!

I had a colleague who was always behind me because I think he knows I’m vulnerable. hehe. And he had the privilege to see me almost falling into the drain while going downhill. I didn’t dare to zoom downhill and I was always slightly braking a little and releasing it was I cycle downwards but another colleague was telling me to just let go and not to be too afraid.

I decided to give it a try but suddenly it seemed too fast for me and I started to panicked and I braked harder than usual and I lost balance and I was trying very hard to keep balancing down that winding road and at a point of time, I was telling myself I was going to fall and die. Haha. I was about an inch away from falling into the drain. I know it sounds dramatic but it was dramatic. It was that close. Luckily my legs were long enough and the bicycle seat wasn’t too high and I managed to get on the ground on my foot before the brakes could do me justice.

After that, I swore I want to go slower. Don’t care if the rest is a lot faster than I am. The thing is that the routes are not only passable by bicycles. There are buses, motorcycles and cars passing through sometimes. Whenever I see a bus coming, I would stop immediately. God knows what I’ll do, cycle towards the middle of the road when I couldn’t really balance while I panic at the sight of the bus. I just wasn’t too confident but I wasn’t giving up just yet. Given another chance, I think I’d cycle better!!

We passed by Skytrex Adventure Park and saw a little boy doing the “flying fox”. He was doing it all by himself at the kids section of the adventure park. Awesome! And I think it’s great that his parents are bringing him to participate in such activities. It is good for instilling the courage, independence and leadership in him at such a young age. It was nice to see the little boy trying very carefully to do everything he was asked to do while his parents cheered on to him.

We then headed back to the other direction and passing by Taman Haiwan where we met a parrot, a few horses, burung Tiong, some deers ( I like them because they are so tame), two bunnies, geese, a water buffalo and very cute porcupines. Yes, I don’t know why but they actually look cute up close, minus the spikes. They are always sniffing, like rabbits.

Then, we headed to Rumah Empat Musim which isn’t really a house with 4 seasons at a time. It’s a house with one season at a time, with Spring being the season when we went. It’s RM3 per entry. I think coming here once is enough.

It was already 12 noon and before we knew it we had been cycling for about 3 hours. We headed back to Glenmarie for some delicious curry mee. I’ve worked in that area for a few months but I’ve never knew there were Chinese stalls there. How sad. But I guess it wouldn’t have made a difference since I always go for lunch with my Malay colleague, which meant only halal food. At least if I’m stuck in Glenmarie, I know where to look for food now.

I came home with sore legs and a sore butt. Trust me, it is so painful, especially for someone like me who hardly exercise. I looked high and low for my Yoko-Yoko. It helped to relieve the pain after a few application. But the butt still hurts even when I sit on the toilet bowl. I couldn’t put yoko-yoko up that area, for fear that I would have a stinging butt with the after effect and sensation of yoko yoko.

But you know what? I HAD FUN. I ENJOYED MY CYCLING TRIP. If you ever want to go cycling, LOOK FOR ME!

is have some fun!

I got a feeling I’m not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I’m not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

This song just came to my mind today and I can still remember how I first came to know this song. It was through the album “Now That’s What I Call Music! 1” (Asia version). I would say that was the best first English album I ever owned in CD form, some 13 years ago. Because when you were my age 13 years ago, you love pop songs, you love boy bands and you love listening to songs, holding to the CD cover with lyrics all over, singing to your heart’s content.

Mummy and I were dancing to this. Me rocking on my chair and Mummy rocking in her wrapped towel, just fresh out of the bathroom.

“I just found my RM150. Come let me give you RM100.”

“I don’t want! I’m a big girl already. I cannot take your money.”

“Sagu hati. Come. I give you sagu hati to pump petrol.”

“I don’t want. I don’t need subsidy.”

“Where got people offer you money and you don’t take one?”

 That is my mum, whom I’ll be sleeping with tonight. Have been sleeping with her for the whole week because the fact that she’s flying back tomorrow has started to sink in since the beginning of the week. In fact, Mummy was the one asking me to sleep with her. heeheehee

After this, it will be back to reality. Apa benda pun kena buat sendiri semula.

I’ve got a feeling, I will cry tomorrow because there were some tears that stole its way out while I was lying on the bed with Mum.

Do you know that while she was here, I’d have to send an SMS to here after I reach the office to announce my safe arrival? Yea, everyday. You may laugh at this but this is something she requires me to do so that she has peace in her heart. And when she goes back, we’ll have to call each other everyday. Whether it’s me calling her or her calling me, the daily calls have to be there, so that she has peace in her heart as well.

Just like yesterday, I SMSed her as usual after I got to the office.

She replied, “OK. M.U”

I know it was “Miss You” but my brain first registered it as “Manchester United”.

My car tyre got punctured again. The same exact tyre which got punctured just about a month ago. At first, they discovered that the thing where you pump air into the tyre is loose, thus letting air go. Then, they discovered it was also because of a nail that got stuck in the tyre.

The next thing they discovered is that my tyre is of year 2004, which is about more than 3 years. Ever since owning this car, it has not undergone any tyre changes and the rubber is wearing off and thus they asked me to change all my 4 tyres. So what happened was I went broke in just 1 hour. Had to pay about 1.4K for 4 brand new Goodyear tyres, ( @RM180 per tyre, which easily totals up to RM720), 2 rear absorbers, 2 brake pumps( which they discover was leaking and they showed me but I don’t know exactly how it should look or should not look like), wheel alignment, front wheel camber nut and adjustment…and then gave me free wheel balancing and valve?

I want to cry because service is due in a couple of weeks, car insurance and road tax due in a couple of weeks too. Everything coming in at the same time!

I would have to eat grass now!

Car aside, I was happily planning to do braces and already made an appointment with the dentist before I discovered the flat tyre in the morning. It dampened my mood a little, considering that my budget is totally out for the month. But I just went ahead to see the dentist. He helped to check my teeth, did scaling to clean my teeth, put on some dough thing to both my upper and lower jaw to create a mould for my braces. I was thinking he’s going to put on braces for me there and then, but he said he needed time to plan and study my teeth structure and arrangement.

So, I’ll need to go back after 2 weeks to do an X-Ray and I’m now on separators. It’s a rubber like thing. Blue greenish in colour. It’s being filled between teeth that are very out-of-alignment. It’s going to be there for 2 weeks so that my teeth is able to adjust to the braces later (don’t know what he really means). It doesn’t hurt though I think it should but whenever I eat, the teeth of the upper and lower jaw doesn’t really meet end to end because it will get bounced off a little due to the rubber.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m eating rubber. Haha.

Doctor says it might come off but if it does, just ignore.

This 2 or 3 months will be financially tough for me. 🙁 But I’ve been wanting to get braces for a long time and that I think I should do it as early as possible that I can. I’m getting older you see. I’m doing this because my teeth is totally getting more out of alignment, especially towards the end of my upper jaw. People don’t really see it when they look at me because it’s hidden inside. The most that you will see is me with half a buck tooth, one front tooth slightly jotting out. It is harder to brush now so I’m also doing it for my oral health, which if not treated, might lead to more problems. I don’t really get to chew food properly so maybe whenever I chew due to the arrangement of my teeth, the teeth gets pushed away thus making it worse. There have also been cases where I’ll bite myself when I’m sleeping due to the way the teeth is growing out towards the wall of my mouth. I will wake up with a jolt of pain.

I like my dentist a lot. While some other dentists works very hard to clean on my teeth which isn’t really pleasurable, he is able to clean it without me feeling too much pain. He doesn’t go too deep into the end of my teeth and drill all those plaque out. I hate those that goes too deep into your gums, it’s feels like they are drilling into your gums and it hurts! He just has a way to do it. And because I’m happy with him, I’m entrusting my full set of teeth to him. Braces will be put on for about 1.5 years. So, by the start of 2010 or end of 2009, I hope I can have a set of teeth that you can fall in love with.

Mummy won’t be here when I put on the braces. She was asking me to wait till she comes around the next time so that she can cook for me, considering that I may not be able to eat everything that I’m eating. But I don’t think I’m going to wait because by then, I might postpone it again to don’t-know-when and I’ve procrastinated enough.

I hope it’s not going to be too painful. Doctor said it wouldn’t be due to the type of braces he’s going to put on me.

To all my teeth, I love you and I hope you’ll be able to ride the storm with me.