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I am wearing my new white shoes as of writing this. Ya I know. I’m crazy.

It’s a little tight now since it’s new. It’s the expandable kind as you wear it longer. So, I just wanted to help expand it before I wear it tomorrow to a seminar…with Pappy.

A seminar in which I know nothing about..and Pappy says I might not even understand a thing about it.  But I’ve got to be there because Pappy needs company. My dad…he can be really manja at times. So, being a daughter, I cannot refuse his request even though, really, deep down inside, I just feel like not to be there tomorrow. I’m still talking myself into removing that bad thought and should just attend the seminar tomorrow with a positive attitude.

Mummy is supposed to be the one accompanying him. Because Pappy paid for himself and his spouse.

“So, Pa, I’m going to be your spouse tomorrow is it?” I asked him.

“Yes!”

So tomorrow I’m going to try to be a really good spouse even though I know I don’t look like one.

The seminar will continue into a dinner and I have no idea if it’s going to be a grand one, a normal one. I asked Pappy and he has no idea and so I have no idea of what I’ll be wearing tomorrow. I shall take it as tomorrow comes.

Now, I need to get some sleep because I watched television with him till 12:30am. Very happy but also very tired.

But of course, happiness overweighs the tiredness. But even so, I still need to sleep!

*hick*

Today my horoscope reads…
The time has come to make some tough decisions. Much as you'd like to be able to do what you must and keep certain rather selfish individuals happy, that isn't possible. Compromise and not only could you undermine your position, they're unlikely to appreciate it.

I think it is trying to tell me something.

Anyway..

Went to work and it was a lovely, rainy and cooling morning. What made it even lovelier was when my buddy colleague, (Buddy colleague means more than just a colleague, like a buddy. Who say? I say one.) said, “Grace, you look so cute today. Lady in blue.”

“Thank you” *senyum sipu-sipu*

Was still feeling a little restless but it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. I took Patch from colleague’s desk and put him back on top of my computer where it belongs.

At 11am, I suddenly thought about HEROES which will be shown tonight at 9pm. Can’t wait! So I kept telling myself to continue with my work and I’ll be rewarded to watch television tonight. Oh, and there’s American Idol before that! And before all of that, I’ll be buying food and milk and bread.

I went to buy food and all as planned and when I wanted to start the car to go home, it just wouldn’t start on the first try, not even the second, not even the third. I tried to start the car longer the 4th time and the engine started to run.

I don’t know if I’ll face the same problem tomorrow morning but I’ll tell you. So you see, when you have a car, you have got a lot more to take care of. The service is due soon and the road tax is expiring soon too. Gah!

Then, you’ve got to worry if someone will suddenly come knock your car. Like this morning, one Toyota Unser tried to cut into my lane. We were both driving quite fast and he wanted to cut in when my car is going at the same speed as he is and my door is next to his door. I mean…can’t you see I’m just beside you? Yet, he’s cutting in like I don’t exist.

I blared the horn.

He suddenly woke up and swerved back into his lane.

Just before leaving the office, a colleague asked what time I’m leaving. Then he said he’ll follow me. I thought he was just joking.

But when I was stopping at the traffic light, I saw his car behind me. I was like…….

His car went out of sight when he made his way to “Lorong Tunai” while I made my way to “Lorong Touch n Go”. Life in the fast lane.

End of story.

Oh wait, the other crazy thing I did today was I went up to the colleague sitting next to me and said, “I love you. Bye bye!”

She was laughing and asked what happened to me.

Maybe because I have been wanting to hear these 3 words.

And for the whole day today, I feel that my desk is vibrating even though it’s not. It’s like the phone is vibrating but it’s not. So you have no idea how many times I looked at my phone just to see nothing.

And while I was relating my story to a friend, tears welled up in my eyes. But it’s not the pouring kind. Just one tear on each side which I rubbed off before it even drip down.

Sometimes I feel that I’m not going to go on like that forever. Because I know I’ll get tired and eventually get very mad. I’m mad but not very mad yet. But maybe this would do me good. Maybe I’ll eventually fall out of love with him when the time comes.

Today I was feeling a bit bored and restless at work, I started moving Patch’s legs. Patch is the name of the dog sitting above my computer. The legs are moveable so I can either make it stand, prowl, fly, or make it stand like it’s peeing or pooping. Then, I placed it on the desk of my colleague next to me, with Patch looking at her.

Then, I felt like I needed some love so I took the sweater hanging over the back of my chair and placed it on my lap. Imagining it as my blanket. And that’s not enough, I actually took the sweater and I was smelling it. I can’t believe I did that in the office.

Tomorrow’s work is going to be a tad dry so I’m going to wear something nice to perk myself up.

Sometimes Pappy likes to talk to me about life.

The last long and good heart-to-heart conversation I had with him was at the Bali International Airport, when our flight was delayed for about 3 hours. Mummy and her friends were already inside waiting at the departure hall but Pappy decided to stay outside since there’s a lot more time to kill. I then chose to accompany Pappy and that is how we started talking…for a very long time. About work, career, relationships.

Once in a while he would ask me if I’m happy. And if I’m not, he could actually sense it through my voice, even though somtimes I deny it so that it doesn’t worry him. But of course, he would insist that I tell him why I’m not happy and what’s bothering me.

Last night, he asked a question which put me into shock.

“ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?”

“…. No?”

“What about the guy?”

“Pa, we’ve broken up for a year already.”

“So…no more lah?”

“No more.”

And Mummy called a few days ago, she was talking to me about something and then she said to me, “Age is catching up!” She wasn’t referring to herself but she was referring to me.

I certainly do not need that kind of pressure, into getting married just for the sake of getting married.

“Grace, what is your plan? Are you going to study or what are you going to do about your job?”

Seriously, I’ve got no plan at the moment and I don’t have any plans laid out for the next 2-3 years.

I take each day as it comes.

I don’t know if it’s good or bad but I can say I’m happy, although sometimes I do get a bit you-know about him, but it’s still under control.

“Hello.”

“Happy Mother’s Day!” says Mummy.

“Happy Mother’s Day!” says me.

“Oi, I’m supposed to wish you Happy Mother’s Day and not you wishing me!”

“Hahaha. I know what you wanted to say so I said it for you.”

Can’t celebrate with Mummy today because we are an ocean apart but when she comes over, I’m going to treat her to something nice.

Tonight I’m just going to celebrate Mother’s Day with my Pappy.

Like I said, I’m going to have a GREAT weekend and I DID!

Spent the whole day with the girlfriend.

Had to work half day today and I wasn’t really doing any work. Just a little bit of work here and there while I count the hours before I can clock out and get myself to KL city.

Cyberjaya –> Times Square. 1 hour and 30 minutes. Could have just been one hour but traffic along Jalan Hang Tuah doesn’t seem to be moving and then had to go to Basement 4 to get a parking space.

Had to cross over bridge to get to Sungei Wang. I usually park in Times Square when I plan to go to Sungei Wang because it feels safer, it’s brighter and cheaper. Maximum rate of RM6 instead of being charged hourly after exceeding a certain hours. Usually when I’m there, I’ll be spending my whole day there.

Then, it’s SHOPPING time! Shopping makes a girl very happy even if it means just walking into a petrol kiosk to get a box of mint. At least, that’s how I look at it.

Bought hair serum, a tee, a black cardigan, white shoes to replace my favourite shoes (Her days are numbered and I actually helped in making the dying process to seem a little more faster when I accidentally brushed it hardly on the road. Because sometimes I don’t know how to walk so I scolded myself.) and the Japanese series, A LITRE OF TEARS.

…which made me even happier!

We then walked back to Times Square to have some ice-cream and Pappy called to tell me that he’s in Mid Valley. I was like….HUH? He always like doing this to me. Coming to KL without telling me.

Anyway, girlfriend and I walked to Times Walk. I didn’t know there’s this place known as Times Walk. Just next to Times Square. A row of restaurants/cafes. Went to this place called Wings. A music cafe. Both of us have never been to this place and it was a random decision/choice. But it turned out that we LOVE this place so much.

Good food. Reasonable price. Good songs. Cozy ambience. We were sitting next to a wall, a table for two, a light in the shape of shell on the table letting out dim golden light.

But I think you will only love this place if you are into Mandarin/Cantonese songs. They didn’t sing any English songs tonight but they did Kris Dayanti’s Menghitung Hari which was very nice. The one song that made everyone became quiet and listened attentively was “????????“.

It has been so long since I last heard this song and to have songs sung live, with guitar and the piano just brings a different taste to a song, and it’s mesmerising.

Left at 12:30am. We have been sitting for like 4 hours.

Times Square –> Home. 15 minutes.

…and very happy.